I live in a state of organized chaos
it’s true
the way my things have special piles and lists
so many lists
of what to do and when and where
and pages and pages of why
my life reflects my mind
so you’ll have to excuse the mess
and get comfortable with the way I think
loving me is stepping into a thick fog
with no clue what’s ahead
you’ll need to enjoy the mystery
I can’t color code myself enough
to make sense to anyone who’s not
really
interested
in understanding
in untangling the knotted yarn
of my ever-spinning heart
you’ll need to have patience
before you start this odd journey
or you’ll get lost from me
long before love is in our sight
be ready to wander aimlessly
shamelessly
through the flickering memories I share
until somehow it all makes sense
in its own
chaotic
way
Tag: Polyamory
related to ethical non-monogamy in some form
insomniac love [poem]
you were my last love
but you won’t be my last
love
I can feel it in my bones
the steady hum of the next one coming
you can’t stop it
love
even if you wanted to stop love
because it is as inevitable as gravity
pulling two hearts together
or three
or half a dozen
the number doesn’t matter
love
how they feel is all that matters in love
I can’t say I wish you the best
considering the way we crumbled into clay dust
at your careless handling
but I do wish you to find love
even when empathy for you is hard to find
love
it’s this heart
this beating bleeding heart inside of me
that refuses to lie down and rest
to take solace in being alone
my pulse is a war drum
pounding in my ears when I can’t sleep
I’ve become an insomniac
love
and I wonder if there’s some other insomniac love
waiting for me at midnight
every night
a little sleepless too
love buffet [poem]
I want your love
but I don’t need you
love
I think that’s an important distinction to make
because we’re taught
that finding our other half is the main course
that everything else is just a side dish
but I’m more into buffets anyway
filling up on love in all its delicious forms
no one really needs
seven different types of potato on their plate
but potatoes are awesome
and sometimes you just want to go crazy
and overload on starch
that said
I don’t need the kind of love that comes with
a racing heart and shortness of breath
but I do want it
sometimes
even when my heart is already full
of warm embers and summer sunshine love
on being tolerated [poem]
to the future friends who will become my potential lovers
I need to warn you
there aren’t many rules for dealing with me
but I have one hard line in the sand that you shouldn’t cross
I am not something to be tolerated
I’m sometimes brash and loud
sometimes impossibly quiet and closed off
an odd construct of witchcraft and geekery and words
so many words
we don’t have to be two of a kind
that’s boring
but you have to accept all my pieces
my magic is non-negotiable
a part of me just like my skin
I write and write and write
until I’m empty for a moment
only finding stillness after pouring my blood onto pages
it’s just the way I function
and you’ll have to embrace that
if we’re to be something important
I’ve spent years being tolerated by lovers and friends
who didn’t appreciate my deeper waters
and the fish that swim in them
I’m done being an undesired experience
so learn to love me in all my oddity
or let me remain distant
an acquaintance and nothing more
part time lover [poem]
loving me is a part time position
benefits include
flexible hours
limited responsibility
and an amazingly diverse meal plan
I don’t want you around all of the time
I don’t need a keeper
or a pet
we can meet up whenever there’s a bit
of time to spare between our two busy lives
I don’t want you to fix my depression
or raise my self-esteem
I don’t need a therapist
or a live-in psychologist trying to
piece me together
our time together will buoy my spirit
like a good time should
or we wouldn’t be here right now
I love to cook
exploring the world with the tip of my tongue
I’ll invite you along if you’re game
but I don’t need you there
I can enjoy a new dish without you
this is what is means to be my part time lover
I don’t need you
to fill a full time position in my life
but you’re welcome to play a part
in my bigger picture
to the woman who would love me [poem]
sweetheart
I’m sorry in advance
for the trouble I’m going to put you through
if you find yourself at my door
love a beautiful blossom between us
then you need to know why I’m allergic
to loving a good woman like you
I grew up loving girls
a fluffy kind of love that sows friendships for a lifetime
or at least it tries to
I never really wanted another woman though
never saw myself sweaty and breathless
with that earthy kind of love
until her
for the first time
I found myself drowning in another woman’s ocean
thought I could link our hearts
a beautiful constellation
but she didn’t want my love like that
instead
she offered me the role of her friendly little whore
I just had to remember to keep my heart locked away
to leave hers alone wherever it rested
she burned me bad
obviously
left this fear of loving women in her wake
you my dear
have an uphill battle to reach my skittish heart
I can only hope you don’t give up
before you reach the top
friends to lovers [poem]
when you and I meet
love
it’ll be uneventful
we’ll bond over something silly
like Marvel movies or our favorite coffee place
you won’t realize it in that moment
that I’m going to matter to you
and that’s okay
it really is
love at first sight is intense and wonderful in its own way
but I won’t want that from you
you’ll catch on
after you spend enough time around me
and my adorable weirdness
I’ll quickly become that friend you can’t really explain to others
some stories about me
will sound like Plain Jane moments
but others will make people assume you’re spinning tall tales
you’ll know from our long and winding talks that
I really did meet a guy who said he was a werewolf
and had a vampire for a friend
and danced naked around a bonfire with dozens of other witches
it just sounds a bit wild out of context
that’s all
you’ll know me page by page
love
because that’s the only way to make sense
of the odd life I’ve led
I’ll find your life just as fascinating
even if you think that living an hour from your hometown is lame
you’ll see how amazing your stories are
to someone who’s only ever had the tsunami and never the calm sea
I hope you fall in love with me slowly
seeing my scuff marks for the texture they are
rather than damage they could’ve been
you’ll love me right
I think
because you’ll get it
there won’t be anything vague in our relationship
not when you’ll be my wife’s friend too
not when you’ll know all about
the polyamory
and the past mistakes
and the reasons I will always love again
you’ll really understand me
and that’s something I look forward to the most
I can’t wait to meet you
love
Larissa Lee 