once I believed in true love like it was some
once in a lifetime thing
like we only get one shot at happiness
and everything else is just a lonely heart trying too hard
to light a fire in the middle of the ocean
my greatest lesson has been unlearning such
limited measures of what love can be
the world is a thousand times more beautiful
with love in every breath and heartbeat
Tag: Polyamory
related to ethical non-monogamy in some form
journal entry [poem]
I found a journal entry today that was all about you
I wanted to tear out the old pages
and crumple them up
toss away the evidence of my hopeless love
like the garbage it turned out to be
but I left the entries
as a reminder
that I’ve always known love
bigger than those who I share it with
that love is not synonymous with happiness
or good or light or holy
that words are the first weapons
thrust into our hands almost from birth
and they can become sniper rifle or poison
depending on which words we arm ourselves with today
I unlearned blind trust by your hands
my eyes bloodshot but functional
you taught me that too
how to be functional
even when it stings
this heart is an operating system [poem]
I’m going to ruin you
love
with this selfish heart
so desperate for love that
it’d drink your tears to quench this thirst
you deserve better
someone who will at least try to give you their everything
I won’t
I never will
my love is as impossible to comprehend as
the internet in its entirety
you will never read every article
click every link
my love is open source for anyone interested in
this kind of connection
an operating system
without a manual
scare you off [poem]
I’m relatively certain
I’m going to scare you off from the start
that falling in love with me is ridiculously easy
but loving me is incredibly hard
you grew up with the standard lines
the goal
to find someone to love enough to marry
to have your children with
that will never be me
I’m already married to the only person
I knew for sure would promise me forever and mean it
this isn’t a competition
because no one will ever take her place
I’ll never want to have your children
that dream dried up in my womb and died a few years ago
children are more mess than magic to me
sorry
when you fell in love with me
it probably seemed like a good idea
it wasn’t
but here you are
standing in the middle of a field
a solitary weed aching to be noticed
I see you in a wild expanse of green
a tiny flower
face tilted toward the light
my love both the sun and the soil
feeding life into everything I touch
I can’t help but wonder
what kind of heart can handle sharing mine
with the rest of the world
so naturally
wild love [poem]
the first time I come out as polyamorous
I’m only loud about it in safe spaces
surrounded by my family of quirky friends
and a community of weirdos
used to self exploration leading down
the winding uncut paths often overlooked
the eleventh time I come out as polyamorous
I’ve got a system in place
I know how to time it just right
give someone this new word to explain
the pieces of my backstory
they suddenly find fitted together in
an unfamiliar pattern
the forty fifth time I come out as polyamorous
it’s mostly an afterthought
as I realize my effort to flirt is brushed off
my married status confused with monogamy
as if I belong to anyone but myself
I paint a wild love across my lips
and beg him to kiss it off
polyamory [poem]
polyamory is never being the forever love
in a world that promises
a one true match for each of us
it is the act of accepting transience in love
for the rest of your life
even when you know it means
everyone will leave eventually
it is the terrifying reality
of tiptoeing between the landmines in a lover’s mind
the ones other people put there to keep you out
and it’s knowing you may clear the field of danger
just in time
for someone else’s forever to begin
without you in it
polyamory is so many loves like stars
but also the vast stretches of black loneliness
between them
it is never easy
hypotheticals [poem]
you made me talk to my wife in hypotheticals
your presence
awakening enough of a reaction in me
to need a discussion
polyamory is about communication and
she and I are experts at words
she approves
adding only a vague reminder that
being a secondary love interest doesn’t work
for some people
more openly [poem]
I talk about finding you
more openly now
love
knowing people
are far more adaptable
than I ever gave them credit for
my open marriage and subtle hunt for you
are simply love in a different form
it makes me hum with pleasure
when I don’t have to defend my open heart
from closed minds
so I take chances
talk about you without knowing
exactly when you’ll get here
but hey
no one will be surprised by your arrival
introduced long before you walked through the door
words are magic [poem]
words hold a special kind of magic in their letters
a power you can use for good or evil
or just for fun
when we choose our own labels
we empower ourselves
I call myself polyamorous
and it’s me proclaiming that love is infinite
and my heart is a renewable resource
I tell you I’m demisexual
and it’s me explaining why the friendzone is heaven
and how I struggle with the casual approach to sex
so many people have
I say I’m a writer
and it’s me letting you know
by virtue of being too close to the inkwell
you will be exposed and my words will spill secrets
you didn’t even know you had
where the hell? [poem]
where the hell will you come from?
it’s the first question that runs through my mind
when I try to imagine your arrival in my life
like
where well we meet?
what will be the first thing to tie us together?
it’s hard to imagine
how you’ll get past my weirdness
that force field of oddness I exude
I wonder how long it’ll take you to step up
to get past my wife and my impossible honesty
and be okay with me
all of me
I’m not saying that I think I’m unlovable
I just recognize how difficult it is
to jump into the deep end
when you can’t see the bottom
prism [poem]
I love people for the littlest things
the kind smile of an old man
hobbling by with his cane
the innocent questions of a little kid
who’s never seen bright green hair before
the snarky mouth of another cashier
as she makes me laugh
love is beautifully diverse
a range of gentle pastel interest
to deep jewel toned passion
I live for the rainbow effect
of loving a little bit of everything each day
call my heart a prism
in the light of each new day
I will always love in an explosion of color
loved in pieces [poem]
there was the boy who loved my body
but only tasted me with his teeth
the boy who loved these writer’s hands
but never wanted to be a character in my stories
the boy who loved the home inside this heart
big enough for him to crawl into
there was the girl who loved my shadows
but cast no light to see them
the girl who loved my constant loyalty
but wanted nothing of being loved so thoroughly
people have always loved me in pieces
crumbling away so much of me
to find only the parts they liked the taste of
I might spend my entire life
looking for a collector
someone who wants to love the complete set
the entirety of me
I call you love [poem]
I call you love
but you are far more complicated than a lover
you are friend
secret keeper
audience to my stories
when I feel the need to tell them
you are sunlight and rain to my chlorophyll heart
I drink you in
to root myself in living
in loving
you are puppy
kitten
fluffy ball of cuteness
in a world that sometimes overwhelms me
with its gritty reality
you are tattoo
a permanent reminder of who I was
who I am
and who I want to be
you are coffee with the right amount of cream
a touch of sugar
caffeine waking up my weary heart one more time
with a bittersweet kiss on my tongue
you are more than magic
and mayhem
and heartfelt prayer
you are warm sheets and a light on when I get home
you are the last cookie on after long day
you are love
Larissa Lee 