one – know there will be shock
especially if you were fortunate enough to
cut them out of your life like a cancer
before this moment
you will freeze as your reality shifts
the world a different place without them in it
two – accept that you will have a moment of anger
where you do not mourn their death
where you feel relief that they’re gone
rather than grief at their passing
there is no shame in this reflex to protect yourself
from their harmful influence
to jerk away from their reach one more time
three – regret will try to find a home in your chest
maybe your cold shoulder was an unkindness
maybe it was unjustified
and you should’ve forgiven them one more time
but now it’s too late
four – don’t reach out to their grieving family
it will only make them rage at you
when they’re already raging at the gods
for taking their loved one so soon
everyone knows
you haven’t been a part of that family for years
five – consider lighting a candle or saying a prayer
then reconsider as you recall
all the ways you can’t quite wish them well
not even in death
six – when word finally gets around
don’t comment on their passing
let those who knew only their kindness
speak of how they’ll be missed
do not force yourself to mumble platitudes
to be silent is better than to be a bad liar
Larissa Lee 