I’m terrified of the unknown
so scared of letting happiness
fall through my careless fingers
like countless grains of sand
I’m always afraid of being
one choice short of a game over
my heart too tired to try again and again
inaction feels so much safer from the start
Tag: Future Love
poems written for a future, unknown lover or partner
my favorite book [poem]
I treat my heart like my favorite book
thumbing through the happy memories from time to time
retelling those stories with a smile
but like my favorite book
I’m both incredibly cautious
and amazingly careless with my heart
I might dog-ear the pages of my favorite moments
but I’m so nervous to let anyone borrow this love
who knows what kind of condition they’ll return it in
or if they’ll return it at all
right?
a dragon’s hoard [poem]
when people break your trust you have a choice
become hard or become cautious
hard means you’re safe in your castle
an untouched treasure in the depths of the dungeon
cautious means you’re vigilant
eyes tracking every flicker and flinch around you
the closer they get
the tighter you’re wound
trust is a commodity worth hoarding
so when I say I trust you Love
I’m telling you that your presence makes me unwind
a subconscious reaction
to the safety you’ve come to represent
I’m an open book [poem]
do you like to read Love?
I always wanted to find a man who
enjoyed a good story
the kind of audience that could
swallow the angst in the middle there
someone who wouldn’t
put me down to get away from the scene
painted across my pages
afraid of you [poem]
with every month that passes
I’m more and more unsure of you
and all your eventual love
I can’t help but think
maybe you and I are better off strangers
two lives coexisting
but never crossing paths
the idea of you gets fuzzier each night
my stomach
twisted with anxiety because
maybe you’ll be a warm fire on a winter’s night
but maybe you’ll just burn me
all wildfire with no control
I’m afraid of being your too dry forest
a thirsty tree unable to avoid feeding your flames
I’m afraid of you
love
and every moment I know of you
but do not know you yet
stokes the fear higher
a wish and a prayer [poem]
I go for weeks without thinking about you
but sometimes
barely an hour goes by
before someone or something reminds me
to hold my breath
I don’t enjoy holding my breath love
my asthma and this cold winter weather
makes me breathless enough
without you
I’m tired of carrying the burden of patience
tired of keeping the door to my heart unlocked
just for you
I’d rather close up shop and move on
turn toward less important things
until the ache of your absence fades from my bones
however long that takes
I just don’t have the energy to keep waiting
on a wish and a prayer
the answer [poem]
it’s not that I’m afraid of you
but that you are starting to look at me like I’m the answer
and I’m not sure I understand the question
it’s that someone else didn’t like the answer they got
and tried to rewrite me into something else
something less than
it’s that I’m hesitant to put myself into words
to transform into something immutable and defined
just because they lack the vocabulary to comprehend my nebulous heart
it’s not that I don’t trust you
but that it’s always been safer to run than stand my ground
that it’s easier to collect pretty postcards in a drawer
than to write a love letter that
may or may not
touch a dozen hearts along the way
exposed to each curious glance with little thought
and no recourse
going through the motions [poem]
when I started writing these poems
Love
I admit I was just
going through the motions of prayer
without really expecting an answer
call these love letters catharsis
a way to lessen the ache when loneliness
knots up my back until I can’t sleep at night
you are the sheep I count to find a way to sleep at night
you are a dream
the kind that always leaves me
wide awake at dawn
magic [poem]
it’s been a long time since I knew the rush of magic
tell me
what is it like to touch a body seeped in
moonlight and mystery?
have you seen the face of a goddess and trembled
at the curl of her lip?
has your agnostic heart learned to beat out a hallelujah
in my name?
a pessimist at heart [poem]
I am a pessimist in sheep’s clothing
a firm believer in preparing for the worst
because if you consider every possible outcome
and plan around the biggest failure
handling any success becomes a million times easier
I will love you with the fullness of a sunflower in June
and I will be ready for you to leave at a moment’s notice
I will never expect you to stay
pessimism is always watching the pretty blue sky for rain clouds
even as I murmur your name against your skin
I’m sorry if my lack of faith offends you
but love has proven itself a complicated game
the rules ever changing
the players never quite on the same page
is it any wonder
I’ve learned to prepare myself to lose
just in case I’ve misplaced my pieces on the board again?
elephant graveyard [poem]
I may never know love again
and it hurts to admit that
I will love
of course
because my every smile is a sign of affection
even for a stranger
but I may never let someone past
the elephant graveyard made up of my ex lovers
and their promises
let the sun bleached bones
speak of the need for honesty
even if it kills us
I don’t want any more bodies buried
in the valley between the truth and the trouble
let there be a safe path to my heart
that a worthy seeker may find their way in
stanzas [poem]
you asked me if I’ve written poems about you
as if there were any answer but
yes
of course love
my nails have scraped stanzas down your spine
where only I can read them
panromantic love [poem]
Love
I don’t care what kind of body will hold you
as long as that body is willing to hold this body
I’ve given up all pretense of fitting in
stopped shaving things people expect to be hairless
stopped worrying about this size and shape
except for when it affects my happiness
so why would I care what body you call home
other than to know where to lay my head down at night
once I finally meet you?
Larissa Lee 