you were my last love
but you won’t be my last
love
I can feel it in my bones
the steady hum of the next one coming
you can’t stop it
love
even if you wanted to stop love
because it is as inevitable as gravity
pulling two hearts together
or three
or half a dozen
the number doesn’t matter
love
how they feel is all that matters in love
I can’t say I wish you the best
considering the way we crumbled into clay dust
at your careless handling
but I do wish you to find love
even when empathy for you is hard to find
love
it’s this heart
this beating bleeding heart inside of me
that refuses to lie down and rest
to take solace in being alone
my pulse is a war drum
pounding in my ears when I can’t sleep
I’ve become an insomniac
love
and I wonder if there’s some other insomniac love
waiting for me at midnight
every night
a little sleepless too
Tag: Future Love
poems written for a future, unknown lover or partner
stray [poem]
I shy away from strangers
love
I might have even shied away from you by now
I just can’t help it
this desire to avoid the inevitable
to remain separate
but friendly
like the stray cat in the neighborhood
that all the kids pet
the one that finds an unlocked shed when it rains
rather than accepting a collar
and the promise of shelter that comes with it
darling
I’m a bit feral now
untouched and skittish over the strangest things
like too nice words
and warm hugs
I prefer to slink around the edges
rather than marching through the thick of things
avoidance at its best
and this
this is why I’m not sure how we’ll meet
I gave up [poem]
I gave up
I think that’s what bothers me the most
about my lost loves
the ones that came before you
and broke so many pieces of me into glitter
I stopped trying to hold onto their love
when I realized a single drop of it couldn’t make up
for the ocean of hurt they gave me along with it
but as pragmatic as that choice was
the truth is I quit
I folded before the hand was played through
and it bothers me to know that
to not know what might’ve been
I hate not knowing
more than I hate the idea of holding a losing hand
open book history [poem]
when I tell you I’m an open book
I mean that my story has been written
in detailed chapters
and published for anyone to read
I may be introverted
but I’m not shy
there is no shame in me for the things I’ve done
the experiences that shaped this woman
into phoenix fire and thunderstorm
I know where I come from
and I want you to know too
skim my library for things that catch your eye
like the first time I fell in love
or the moment I realized what trust really meant
or the last time I danced in the rain
I’ll wait here while you read all about it
take your time
I’ll answer your questions afterward too
because no history book can cover everything
as long as time keeps moving forward
love buffet [poem]
I want your love
but I don’t need you
love
I think that’s an important distinction to make
because we’re taught
that finding our other half is the main course
that everything else is just a side dish
but I’m more into buffets anyway
filling up on love in all its delicious forms
no one really needs
seven different types of potato on their plate
but potatoes are awesome
and sometimes you just want to go crazy
and overload on starch
that said
I don’t need the kind of love that comes with
a racing heart and shortness of breath
but I do want it
sometimes
even when my heart is already full
of warm embers and summer sunshine love
on loving you when you’re hurting [poem]
let me hold you in my heart
love
shelter you from the storm of your own trauma
until you’re ready to face the thunder again
let me pick up the slack
I’ll help you carry the heavy burden
of your aching soul
as far as you need to take it
because I get it
love
the reason you can’t always accept
kind words or a soft touch
when the bitter hollowness inside
screams that you deserve to be empty
it’s hard not to listen
let me give you space too
love
a silent room to be alone in
but not lonely
I can stand outside your door
until you’re ready to open it again
I have the time
love
and I’m happy to give it to you
honeybee [poem]
I want to be your nectar-rich flower
under the summer sun
bright and colorful and full of life
honeybee
I want to sweeten your life
and feed your very being with my presence
I want to be sticky
a little tricky
I want you to struggle to remove
the traces of me from your skin
honey
I want to be yours
through the buzz and sting
of reality’s persistent downfalls
I want to be the honeycomb you protect
and the hive that welcomes you home
I want to be your home
sweet flower of mine
I want to be the field of wildflowers
and the soil that nourishes them
and the sun
I want to be the sun for you
when your seeking warmth and light and love
I want to be the warmth and the light
and the love
I want to be your love
feed your heart
before you fly away in search of
greener pastures and fuller flowers
odd language [poem]
I wonder if you’ll need me
or if I’ll just be an accidental add-on
to your existing level of happiness with life
I wonder if you’ll dive into loving me
head first
with all the courageous gumption of an adventurer
or if I’ll trigger the need
for long lists of pros and cons
to weigh in on just how much it might cost you
to try loving me
I wonder if you’ll get here by the time I’m thirty next year
or if I’ll be years past waiting
when you finally arrive
I wonder if you’ll meet my growing expectations
or if I’ll find myself struggling
to find common ground more often than not
I wonder if you’ll make it past my dragon
or if I’ll be locking the tower doors on purpose
leaving you in the courtyard
without any cover
I wonder if you’ll get my weird metaphors
or if I’ll have to write you a reader’s guide
before we’ll speak
the same odd language
colorful love [poem]
I will love you in a full spectrum of colors
each a dazzling demonstration
of how expansive love is
I will love you cotton candy pink
soft and easily dissolved on your tongue
a sweet taste of simple times
I will love you ebony black
with all the dark unknowable parts of me
you will get lost in the night
and learn to appreciate sunrise better for it
I will love you army green
disciplined and ready to follow your orders anywhere
a bizarre obedience from an oddball like me
I know but still
I will love you neon orange
impossibly bright and hard to miss even from miles away
a sign of warning
of caution
of danger
I will love you blue
the calmest of ocean waters
a reminder of happiness and freedom
in the floating moments between waves
I will love you rusty red and brown with disuse
cherishing even the forgotten and rejected pieces of you
left out to the elements until they crumbled to dust
I will love you crystal clear
a prism hung in the window to catch the sun
radiating all of the potential love can be between two souls
I promise as long as there is light
there will be colors
there will be love
storyteller’s sin [poem]
I keep writing you poetry
explanations and warnings and wishes
scribbled into being
with carefully cultivated words
be clever love
consider this my smoke screen
a diversionary tactic with extreme success
you know
I’ve always used my own mythology to hide myself
history waving a red flag to catch your eye
I will gorge you on my past
until you’re too full of the stories to think
of any deeper questions to ask
you’ll know the shadows that haunted me a decade ago
but you won’t know my present struggles if I have any say
it’s the storyteller’s sin
hiding truths beneath truths in an elaborate attempt
to be your well known mystery
it takes a special kind of focus to study my memories
and come out familiar with my heart
on being tolerated [poem]
to the future friends who will become my potential lovers
I need to warn you
there aren’t many rules for dealing with me
but I have one hard line in the sand that you shouldn’t cross
I am not something to be tolerated
I’m sometimes brash and loud
sometimes impossibly quiet and closed off
an odd construct of witchcraft and geekery and words
so many words
we don’t have to be two of a kind
that’s boring
but you have to accept all my pieces
my magic is non-negotiable
a part of me just like my skin
I write and write and write
until I’m empty for a moment
only finding stillness after pouring my blood onto pages
it’s just the way I function
and you’ll have to embrace that
if we’re to be something important
I’ve spent years being tolerated by lovers and friends
who didn’t appreciate my deeper waters
and the fish that swim in them
I’m done being an undesired experience
so learn to love me in all my oddity
or let me remain distant
an acquaintance and nothing more
lost [poem]
I’m lost without you
my sweet not-yet lover
I wonder if you’re lost without me too
in this too big but so small world
it feels like every sunset
between now and meeting you
is an eternity wasted
l feel my morality most when it’s dark out
and the moon pulls at the tides of my heart
I am helpless to resist the longing night brings here
I’ve been alone now almost two years without
another’s touch
someone loving all of this mess
I admit it though
I’m weak
hopelessness easier to embrace
in the face of immeasurable time until you’re here
easier than believing in you at all
my heart is torn
between wanting you to be here now
and wanting you to stay away forever
loving you is a terrifying thing
and some nights
I’m too lost to face my fears
beautiful reflection [poem]
I might be
that lilac lover
that peach blossom princess
I might be that soft
sweet woman you’re looking for
at first glance
you might think me butch
too rough edged and sturdy for that kind of loving
but look closer
listen to the way I talk about life
feel the warmth of my casual affections
as we watch a movie and talk over the slow parts
you’ll see it then
love
the deep rooted flexibility
the way I seek out someone to balance that
with its opposite
a well formed strength
a forceful heart guiding surprisingly gentle hands
we might be
a beautiful reflection of each other
your need for me based in
what I bring to the table that you lack
balance
love
it will always be about balance
between the two of us
Larissa Lee 