Tag: Mumbling

posts that aren’t about anything specific, just a general update on life or thoughts

Posted in [writer stuff]

Poetry’s Cost

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’ve come to realize that publishing “Dark-Hearted” wasn’t half as hard as sharing a new poem with a friend.

With “Dark-Hearted”, I picked through a couple hundred poems for the ones I felt held the most, well, darkness. And they were all wrung from me tirelessly by my muse (thanks, hun) over time. But having been there and done that, there weren’t any ties left to those poems. I can read “Tainted Angel” without the anguish I had when I wrote it, or “Whore” without the self-hate that was there at the time. While I can remember the feelings, they’re just that: memories.

But with current poems, I’ve come to realize that the strings connecting them to me are still there, uncut. From silly or sappy to hot or heavy, all of the current snippets I’ve written are still fresh and new in my mind/heart/soul. Unlike my “Dark-Hearted” poems, these are preciously and precariously tied to me, protected because they represent current wounds and wants and needs.

It’s much harder to give someone a poem that’s still fresh. With the old ones, if I don’t have an explanation to give, I can shrug them off as “teen angst” or “a phase”. But with the newest ones… the emotions they represent and the muse that proded me into writing them are still very much alive and a part of me. So if someone reads these new poems and says “WTF?”, not having an answer isn’t as simple to blow off.

Then there’s the poet vs muse dynamic.

Share it.
I don’t want to.
Do it anyway, it’ll be good for you.
People will look at me weird.
They already do, so what?
It could make things awkward.
And that’s new how?
God, you’re so pushy!
And you love me for it!

Friggin’ muse. She’s laughing at me. Gotta go write another poem. Sheesh.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [writer stuff]

Writer’s ramblings

Posted on by Larissa Lee

“If you look around and think the world is missing something, it is probably the gift you were supposed to be bringing.” — Julie Cuccia Watts

I was browsing some random quotes and found this one. It caught my eye, with the way life’s moving along right now. I honestly try to fit this kind of philosophy into my day-to-day life, as often as I can remember to. If I feel like everyone around me is angry and we need more joy, I try to find something positive to share. If I feel like more drivers should be courteous, I let a few people get in front of me throughout my day.

Believing in karma helps, too. I believe we get what we give, so it only makes sense to take some time to do for others while I can… because sometime in the future, when everything’s being hellish for me, someone will hopefully do the same for me. Reflecting back to my previous blog, you get a certain reputation. It’s not just honor, or loyalty, but simple kindness and generosity. You get to be seen in a positive light by simply being that thing you felt was necessary.

I’m in a mood. I’d like to wash my hands of a large portion of my little local world, but I realize that I’m part of the thing that was missing, the hole that was created and caused a mess when someone finally fell in. I have the guilt, the bad karma, the dishonor (if you will) of having played a part in someone losing their career and their livelihood. I am no innocent little lamb; my words had life, my actions had meaning. It’s a hard lesson to learn, that one’s words and actions (big and small) can be life-changing for others, as well as oneself. I’ve been in a similar situation before, which has taught me some caution. But that doesn’t absolve me of my wrong-doings.

At the same time, I can also claim some of my honor back in my attempts to undo my own damages. It’s one thing (and an easy one thing, I might add) to do a bad thing and apologize or feel bad later. It’s a whole different thing to claim responsibility in your heart and then do what you can to repair the misdeeds you’ve done. Responsibility for one’s actions versus regret. One’s useful, the other useless.

I want to be the change I wish to see, the joy I want to experience, the peace I want to live in.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [writer stuff]

Greek research

Posted on by Larissa Lee

It’s that time of year again, when the CMA festival is on it’s way. The Council of Magickal Arts is a non-profit religious organization, and they have two huge festivals each year to celebrate the Pagan wheel of the year (Beltaine and Samhain). I’m looking forward to the visit, again, because it’s a vacation from the mundane world and its stresses. On top of that, I’ve convinced a friend to come along, so we’ll have a rockin’ awesome time.

It’s been a tough year. I was keeping a blog on Myspace, but I’ve deleted mine and gotten a Facebook instead. Work has been up and down, just as most things in life. The muses haven’t whispered to me much, but then again, I may not have been listening very well. Stress and frustration had actually caught up to me so badly this past month that I’m on hiatus from my coven studies. I found myself acting completely horrid (i.e. bitchy, not witchy) and needed to take time to fix that.

My recent research has been into Greek mythology and worship. I found this amazing book called “Mysteries of Demeter”, found here. While I’m not a reconstructionist, I find myself inspired by the book and it’s in-depth look at ancient pagan practices. Recently, I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a workbook on Greek (modern) paganism. There are workbooks for runes, tarot cards, goddesses, and self-discovery in the New Age section of our store, but you don’t find any books on Greek mythology and practice. There are books on Celtic paganism (because, let’s face it… Wicca started in Europe and was based more on the Celtic practices than anything else). The book above was in a local pagan store, Gaia’s Garden in Copperas Cove, TX. I’d like to see more books on modern pagan practices using the ancient Greek gods; if the Celtic gods are so popular, why can’t the Greeks be so too? I mean, we learn about the Greek gods in grade school, long before we hear about the Celtic gods (if at all, as far as school goes).

There’s an upside to this inspiration. To write such a book, I have to do research and experiment with some practices and minor rituals. I will have to take time to focus on them. I’ve always loved the idea, but I’ve never had any reason beyond a personal interest to look at any pantheon. Now, though, I feel like the muses are kicking me in the rear, trying to get me to write it out. And during this hiatus, I have a focus to keep myself from getting lazy. I’ve been so tired and stressed from work (our store just moved, and there’s lots of drama to go with that) that I just haven’t been able to get the energy to clean my house, let alone worship anyone for anything.

I’m going to try and blog here more than once a year… being a writer, that shouldn’t be a problem.

Next time I’ll share a few of the ideas (and possibly some test-it-out results) that I’ve gotten together for Demeter, Dionysus, and Gaia (just to name the first few I’ve brainstormed). Blessings!!

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

CMA Samhain (one week left!)

Posted on by Larissa Lee

It’s time to get excited! YAY!

CMA Samhain will be here in a week. Next Wednesday I’ll be heading down with other early-arrivers to help with the overall setup. We’ll be arranging the vendor’s booths, getting the various stations prepared, and doing any last-minute clearing that needs to be done (we’ve had some stormy weather lately).

Unfortunately, I won’t be having a booth to sell my books. The cost of getting the books, even with my author’s discount, was more than I could handle. I will, however, have order forms for anyone wanting an autographed copy.

And my workshop is officially on Friday, October 16th at 2:30-3:30pm in Brighid’s Crossing. I’m hoping to see a dozen or so people there, but we’ll see.

My profile on Myspace is now open to the public (as opposed to its once locked-down status), so feel free to check it out. Many of my blogs are open to the public and semi-spiritual in nature, and I even have my awesome order form in my pictures.

May the stars sparkle in your night skies!

Posted in [poetry], [writer stuff]

Poetic Musings

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’ve been rereading my own book in order to get some ideas of what I want to do, say, and show during my upcoming workshop. And I have to say, it’s definitely an interesting experience.

Keep in mind that these poems were ripped from my heart. For most of the poems I chose to publish in “Dark-Hearted”, I couldn’t NOT write them out. Think of the most painful, persistent heartburn you’ve ever had… and then imagine the relief your antacid (or whatever cure you use) gives you. That’s how the poems were for me; holding them in hurt so bad it was hard to breathe, but writing them out made the pain subside, at least partly.

Another quirk of rereading my own poetry is thinking of the inspirations. My poetry is organized on my computer in a very specific way: title, date, why it was written, complete poem. I like having a record of everything that made the poems come out. But in “Dark-Hearted”, I selected poems that fit the theme and then organized them by their emotions (anger, sorrow, etc.). I wanted the poems to flow, and I succeeded… but for me, as I read, they’re out of chronological order.

My final poetic musing is that I published less than 25% of the poems I’ve written so far. I’m now trying to decide if I want to publish a second collection, including all of my lighter-themed poetry (and corny middle-school stuff). It’d have to be more autobiographical, in order for some of the poetry to make any sense. And that’s a whole new can of worms.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

CMA Samhain 2009

Posted on by Larissa Lee

CMA Samhain 2009

I will be at CMA Samhain this year for several wonderful firsts!

  • My first Pagan festival!
  • My first ever workshop!
  • My first self-promoted book sale!

CMA is a Pagan festival where hundreds of people get together for an extended weekend of fun. There are various vendors, workshops, and rituals to attend.

And I will be involved in it all! I will be vending my book “Dark-Hearted” at the festival, which will be a wonderful experience. I will be leading a workshop on the use of poetry in learning about our shadow selves. And my coven will be leading the Friday night ritual.

The excitement just keeps building! The festival is here in Texas, and I highly recommend it to everyone. A chance to get close to a large community of friendly, interesting people is just too good to pass up.

I look forward to seeing and/or hearing from many of you in the months to come! Bright blessings to you!!

Posted in [business projects], [poetry]

Success at Hastings!

Posted on by Larissa Lee

My signing at Hastings here in Killeen was a huge success! While the average book signing at our small store sells only 1-3 copies of their book, I managed to sell 5.

That’s on top of the 5-6 I’ve sold prior to the signing. And the Amazon orders, which are even better. It’s just amazing to know that strangers are purchasing my book; I guess it’s just now starting to sink in.

I hope that one day I make it really big, look back at my posts here, and smile. ^_^

Posted in [business projects], [poetry]

Book Signing (to be)

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Officially, my first signing will be at Hastings. It’s on May 15th, a Friday. I should be starting it around noon or two-ish in the afternoon. Once I confer with my hairstylist (lol), I’ll have an exact time and will post it on the official Book Signings & Events page to the left.

Posted in [business projects], [poetry]

Barnes & Noble bust

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Barnes & Noble can’t carry my book in the store, unfortunately. Because of the way they would have to order the books, they have to have them prepaid for. In other words, in order for me to do a book signing, the people who wanted books would have to pay for them ahead of time, come pick them up, and then get them signed.

Hastings can carry my book in store, and they are currently in Killeen. I’ll be arranging my first book signing ASAP, most likely mid-May. I’m hoping for May 16th, but I’ll post the official date when available.

I’m also going to get ahold of Borders Express here in the Killeen Mall. I believe they use the same book source as Hastings, so they should (ideally) be able to carry my book as well.

Posted in [business projects], [poetry]

Sending out feelers

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’m working on “sending out feelers”… that is, on getting the various local bookstores and what have you to carry my books. We’ll see how convincing I am as time goes by.

I’m also looking into contacting other stores in two ways. One is via email, for some bookstores in my “hometown” (as close as I have to one, at least). I think I can convince some of them to carry a “local” author, even though I don’t live there anymore. If anything, my relatives in the area may be able to build some hype for me. The second way I’m going to attempt to contact stores is through my wonderful network of friends. If they ask their local branches to carry my book for them and other friends, it’ll be available to more people.

The biggest road block is that I still haven’t discovered whether my book is “returnable”. It’s a process in which a bookstore can return unsold books down the road and get a refund. Bookstores tend to shy away from non-returnable books. So we’ll see where mine stands tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Posted in [poetry]

Books ordered for Hastings (Killeen)

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Copies of “Dark-Hearted” are on the way to Hastings as we speak!

We’ve only ordered ten to start off, so I’m not scheduling a book signing just yet. Between coworkers, myself, and friends locally… I’m not sure there will be more than a couple books left for a signing in the first place. We’ll see.

As soon as I finally DO manage to schedule a signing, though, it’ll be exciting!