Tag: Published

we met in a coffee shop
a circle of pagan people gathered
to make new friends and chance connections
you looked past my bright eyed innocence
to see the potential priestess beneath my still waters
I looked up to you
priestess and teacher
my guide into a wider world of magic
than I’d ever known on my own
you earned my respect
spun lessons into my life
while providing a safety net in case I fell
you became a friend too
when my heart grew love so big it birthed a tsunami
you showed me your ocean
taught me how to measure the waves
and how to avoid drowning in them
in the years of magic and mayhem that we call life
you lifted me up
told the gods I was worthy
even when I wasn’t sure it was completely true
when your life crumbled
like brittle sun-baked paper in your fingers
your survival showed me how to find purpose
how to grab life’s lessons with both hands
and shove them into place
until life returned to beautiful again
what I’m trying to say is
thank you
there are no words powerful enough
to truly explain my gratitude
for your presence in this
crazy ritual I call life

blessed be my sore feet
for holding me up through a long shift at work
blessed be my stiff knees
for allowing me to enjoy that three hour hike
even though it exhausted me
blessed be my jiggly ass
for making anything a good seat
blessed be my confused womb
for sometimes reminding me I’m a woman
and sometimes letting me forget
blessed be my stretchmarked belly
for being kind enough to accept
almost any form of fuel
blessed be my annoying boobs
for making me feel the good kind of curvy
when I bother to dress up girly
blessed be my naive heart
for remembering how to love again and again
even when I’m ready to wash my hands clean
of loving anyone else
blessed be my megaphone mouth
for getting my point across
without letting anyone talk over me
blessed be my blurry eyes
for all the stories they let me absorb every day
blessed be my scattered thoughts
for birthing poetry
and to do lists with equal enthusiasm
blessed be my well-worn body
for all the things I’m capable of doing
I am truly grateful for all my bits and pieces
the ones that work and the ones that don’t
this body is my body
and I am blessed

she was the taste of coffee bitter on your tongue
the brush of silk sheets against your skin
the sound of rain tickling tree leaves
she was an odd offering
easy like breathing
hard like living
she hummed like music
her rhythm a heartbeat
steady
she was the temple
and the altar
candle flame and incense smoke
she was an odd offering
of forgiveness
of murmured prayers
of the chance to start over reborn
she was the smell of rain
after a year of dusty stillness
the washing away of all doubt
she was an odd offering
everything and nothing
a blessing to those who looked with eyes open
and a curse to those who assumed
they knew anything
about her
at all

I didn’t change
I just found myself
tucked between the raindrops and
under mossy rocks
nestled beside the creek
I became the dappled shadows sunlight creates
became the invisible
the unnoticed
I became the breath you take
just before sleep claims your mind at night
the breath before the dive underwater
the last breath
before greeting Death on the other side
I became a between thing
fey and alluring yet
disconcerting
if you get too close
but that’s the thing
I didn’t change
didn’t suddenly become the grey areas
between your defined existence
I just found myself
in the subtle sparkling of the silence and shadows

they call you a weed
frown when you show up to their
perfect gardens
uninvited
don’t let their limited definition of beautiful
color your flowers less desirable than the rose
you are the beautiful survivor
evolved to take no shit
to keep spreading your bright yellow smiles
everywhere
make a wish
dandelion girl
let it go
fluffy seeds floating in the air
you are invincible
to droughts
and floods
and poisons alike
immortal dreamer
wishgranter
you are hope

sometimes
I forget how to human
how to walk this complicated body
away from danger
I forget these teeth are not weapons
there is no safety in these
weak fingernails
they will never be claws
I can’t outrun other predators on these two feet
and I forget that
I forget how to speak my truths
how to wrap my lips around what I want
and breathe it into understanding
the magic of words
necessary
in a species evolved so far from feral
from growl
and howl
and yip

sometimes
I forget how to be human
and it’s the primal beat of the drums
pulsing in the darkness
that reminds me of my humanity
as I dance
this body finding its wild
in the untamed movements of hands
and feet and hips
and breath
I inhale to remember
how to use this body to become
magic
and exhale to forget
how to limit it to silly human
thing

let life surprise you
let her twists and turns lose you
in the moment
just breathe in
and out
and in again
breathe
and let go of all your
silly little plans
your endless to-do lists
your perfectionism
let life be beautifully chaotic
an exciting adventure without a map
get lost in the moment
just breathe

when we sit around the table
hands clasped in prayer to your Christian God
what does He hear?
my pagan heart feels the words
head bowed in reverence
as we give our collective thanks for life
and I say amen
just like you
does God dislike the prayers of pagans?
does His love extend
to those who speak gratitude into the evening light
or does He close His ears
to the words of unwanted heathens
and those who dare to stand beside them?
I’d like to think His love is
too great to be limited by our arbitrary labels
that God listens to my prayers
just like Hera
or Odin
or Ra
because I am a prayerful person
and God is in the business of answering prayers
from those with hearts open enough to speak them

it takes a certain kind of emptiness to just leave
to pack up and stop making your home in
a familiar place
your feet get restless
tapping out a rhythm that demands
movement
travel
change
I know it’s harsh
tearing up your roots to replant yourself in better soil
but let’s face it
that emptiness is dry clay
wilting your spirit slowly as you
life-starved and listless
go dormant in the harshness of the southern sun
you need to play dandelion fluff and
ride away
let the winds carry you to richer soil until it’s safe
to set down roots again
and bloom

teach me how to pray
how to speak words both sacred and holy
teach me how to love this life in all its
gritty realness
I want to know your prayers
the words you murmur by candle and incense smoke
secret hopes
only your gods have heard
teach me how to worship you
the Universe’s answer to my unspoken questions
a key to unlock the hidden parts of me
my inner temple
teach me how to believe again
how to have faith in something
anything
please
just teach me how to pray

I’ve become the Grey
a traveler of the liminal spaces
the known and the unknown
both defined by the immeasurable chaos
of the things we’ve left unnamed
I am the complexity of vague answers and flexible truths
the grey areas
the places we recognize as necessary
in a world so focused on polar opposites
I am more doorway than door
open to keep seeking
something
on the way in and out
and back in again

I am a reckless giver
my hands
spilling the waters of my life’s blood out
to anyone who’s thirsty
my heart
an open door anyone can walk into
I am home
sanctuary to anyone who comes looking for peace
for a minute to just breathe
my mouth
full of the words anyone needs to hear
the truth when possible
the silence when truth becomes too harsh to bear
the listener too tender to hear it
I am a bottomless pool of forgiveness
absolution to anyone who can’t
face themselves for their sins
my tears
a gentle rain to wash it all away
I am selflessness personified and
karma’s first ripple in anyone’s favor and
I am here
always