Tag: Mumbling

posts that aren’t about anything specific, just a general update on life or thoughts

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Familiars, Therians, and Family Pets

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Having a familiar is overplayed by pagans. Everyone seems to think some live animal is going to rush into your arms and play magick pet-pet. What about spirit animals? What about thoughtforms created in place of famliars?

And on another hand, why don’t pagans pay attention to signs? What if your extreme love of bacon is actually Pig (spirit) trying to get as close to you as he can? I’m serious! What if Pigeon keeps leaving feathers along the paths you walk, trying to do more than just add to your feather collection? Sometimes we’re all so hard-headed when we think we know how the universe works.

Another part of me wonders if therians can even have familiars. I mean, if you ARE an animal in some form, would an animal guide be necessary? I’ve always thought of familiars as being sent to balance our tame human energies with their wilder animal ones; if you’re no tame human, is there a need for such a partnership?

And then there’s Fox. I saved a fox pelt from the thrift store (it was under some boots on a display case), and he was quite pleased. He refuses to be part of anything in my spirituality or lifestyle, but he was quite happy to take a place lazing about on my animal altar. Fox doesn’t talk to me without prodding, so he’s not really a familiar… or is he just waiting for the right time?

I would love it if the puppy we plan to get next year happened to attach itself to me, but that’s completely non-magickal. If it also liked my rituals, I’d be surprised; contrary to everyone’s claims of familiar-hood, I’ve yet to meet anyone with a magick-happy pet. I’m content with the idea of a family member rather than a covenmate.

This is how my brain works. I read a blog post that mentioned finding your familiar, and these are all the thoughts that ran through my head. The catch? They ran through together, all at once, and at least 100 times faster than I can type. This is why my conversations and blog posts can be a bit random.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Walking my Path

Posted on by Larissa Lee

At the autumnal equinox in 1999, I sat in my bedroom with a friend and said my very first dedication to the Old Religion. In front of us sat Scott Cunningham’s “Wicca”, along with candles and incense. I was just months from my 13th birthday, and this was my first true spiritual experience.

I lived in Kentucky back then. The trees really did change color for fall, and the wind was crisp and clean. I loved the crunky of leaves under my feet as we trudged through the woods around our neighborhood. The idea that all of that nature, the beauty and openness and vastness, could be part of a religion… now THAT was appealing!

I stayed pagan. For years I studied alone, through books and the internet. I met a few friends in school who asked to be taught, so we learned together. Some of them moved on; others, even now, practice as I do.

In 2008, I was lucky enough to find a local coven. I spent a few years training under amazing and interesting people; I learned about types of paganism I’d never thought to research. I also had the chance to lead rituals much larger than anything I’d done before. I was blessed with the lessons I learned before leaving the coven. I left when I felt like there wasn’t anything else I could gain by staying.

Now, I’m a solitary practitioner again. I’m not fully Wiccan, per se. I’m a animist first, and that colors everything I do. My rituals and magic, though, are done in a Wiccan format; it fits the best for me, and I strongly believe in following my instincts.

I started this journey 14 years ago, and I’m still walking.

Posted in [poetry]

The First Time [poem]

Posted on by Larissa Lee

The first time I saw a snowflake up close, I was amazed that it looked just like the cut-outs we did in school. The flakes shimmered like giant pieces of glitter in the setting sun, and I couldn’t believe I’d never see that kind of beauty before.

The first time I felt energy in a group ritual, I was drunk in the realization that *we* had made it. That pulsing beat ran through us all, and the room kept spinning long after we stopped dancing.

The first time I felt rage, I was burning with it. The wind seemed to whip harder, and the night seemed angry with me. My friends hid all of the candles in the house before I was let in, and I found grim satisfaction in the fact they feared what I might do.

The first time I fell in love, I was so confused. It wasn’t like the movies, or the romance books I’d started to read. Instead, it was finding that string that connects us all and seeing the distance between our two points as a breathe, a heartbeat.

The first time I wrote a story, I fell out of this world and into one that made more sense. I ran through walls, and no one could hear me screaming inside. The story helped me capture my depression and give it context, because logic said my own life was too good to be its source.

The first time I questioned monogamy, I thought sharing was easy. I shared my best friend with others, so why not a boyfriend? It took years for me to understand why everyone else was so shocked that I would suggest something so seemingly simple. Then again, I was in first grade at the time.

The first time I lost a loved one, I was an ocean away. I lit a candle to my grandpa and promised to mend my relationship with his son. Grief reminds us of what’s most important.

The first time I tasted a huckleberry, I was in awe. I’d never eaten a fruit straight from a plant before. To think, these things grew wild and free all around the house! The experienced reinforced new pagan feelings I’d been exploring, in my connection to the Earth and Her ability to provide for us all.

The first time I walked by a creek, I realized that no other body of water would ever call to me the same way. The dappled sunlight, the dragonflies, the sound of water over stone. I would sit and listened for hours without moving, just breathing in the moment.

The first time I got a tattoo, I gritted my teeth in preparation for the needle against my skin. The gentle scratch took me by surprise, and the small star didn’t fully heal before another tattoo was drawn into my skin.

The first time I really danced, I felt more at home in my skin that moment than in the years leading up to it. It was just me and the Music, swaying and spinning on the dance floor. I forgot where I was and who was around me. In a way, I had my first transcendental experience at a middle school mixer.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Thoughts on Hasan and the death penalty

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Today, Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hassan was sentenced to death. In 2009, he killed 13 people and injured more than 30 others. He put up no defense, clearly stating that he’d done it on purpose.

It is in this one area of society that I am not liberal.

I don’t believe that someone who wishes to die for their crime should be denied that wish.

I don’t believe that we (taxpayers) should get stuck paying for him to live while the appeals process runs its course (against his will).

I don’t believe that a publicly-witnessed mass murderer should get a trial, not when he was shot (but not killed) to stop the attack.

I believe the person who shot him should’ve aimed better.

I believe that a person who murders with intent and makes no denial is unworthy of sympathy.

I believe that the benefits of putting down a dangerous animal outweigh the concerns over its right to live; this applies to rabid dogs and violent people.

I will never find a modern death penalty to be unjust or unfair, given the amount of evidence that often precedes such a verdict.

I will always find it unfair when a murderer gets to live while his victims’ families get to weep.

I realize that this is a harsh and unbending way to look at justice. Thankfully, I’m not a judge nor would I be the lone voice of a jury. I’m one woman whose blood boils hot when injustice is served, and I live too close to this particular case to be objective. It will be hard to ignore Hasan’s existence and pretend we all get to move on, just as it will be hard not to pray he takes his own life (or has it taken from him) soon.

Actually, a part of me is most angered by men like Hasan due to their necessity. Balance must occur, and that means “evil” (negativity, violence, hate, etc.) must exist. It turns my stomach to accept that my spirituality demands I accept that this, too, is part of the whole. I do accept it, though, just as I accept that it will never go down smooth.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

A Week of Co-Washing

Posted on by Larissa Lee

For those of you following at home, I previously used the no-poo method to wash my hair. That means that I used baking soda water as “shampoo” and apple cider vinegar in water as “conditioner”. It worked great for several weeks, cleaning my hair and making it feel just fine.

But then there’s the scalp.

You see, I started no-poo specifically because of my constant dandruff. Even with dandruff shampoos, every-other-day washings, cooler water, and conditioning treatments, my scalp still itched and flaked ALL the time. I figure I might be allergic to the harsh detergents in most shampoos, but I also had issues using natural henna shampoo. Castile soap was too harsh for my hair, while making my scalp stop itching (but not stop flaking).

The no-poo method seemed to work on my dandruff… at first. I think it really just loosened up all the pre-existing dandruff. However, I’m apparently slightly allergic to baking soda and vinegar on my skin. Frustrated, I took to the internet. My main health goals are to improve my scalp condition and help my hair grow out healthy and strong; the Earth, unfortunately, comes after my personal comfort and health. That said, I’ve started co-washing.

Co-washing is when you use only conditioner to wash your hair. The idea is simple: conditioners contain smaller amounts of the same cleaners as shampoo, so they can clean your hair as well as condition it. The process? Slather conditioner all over your hair, massage it into your hair and scalp thoroughly, wait five minutes, and rinse. The only other rule is that you want to avoid conditioners with silicones (they build up on hair, leading to ick), but most cheap brands like VO5 and Suave happen to be silicone-free already.

My results after a week of co-washing? Amazing!

My hair is super soft and manageable. I tested the cleanliness factor by wearing it down most of this week, and my bangs never looked gross or stringy. Honestly, the only issue I’ve noticed is that I apparently have a bit of a natural wave; that’s great, except that my air-dried hair gets a little frizzy because of it. My scalp doesn’t itch like it did, and most of the hardcore dandruff patches (think scales… of a dragon… on your head) have healed up and disappeared.

Pros of co-washing:

  • Cheap products – most of the basic (less than $1) VO5 and Suave conditioners happen to be silicone free and great for co-washing. I’ve been using VO5’s clarifying lime-kiwi conditioner with no troubles.
  • Scalp health – while conditioners like these contain chemicals (gasp!), they do manage to moisturize my scalp better than my attempts at massaging coconut or olive oil into it (both of which required ungodly amounts of shampoo to remove, undoing the oil treatment entirely)
  • Ease of Use – conditioner doesn’t require measuring and mixing before your showers. You climb in, slather, massage, wait, rinse. Easy-peasy! Other than making sure your conditioner is silicone-free, the entire process is ridiculously easy; I only take 10-minute showers, and I manage to get co-washed daily without a problem. (Note: Some people only co-washing every few days. I’m going to experiment with skipping days starting tomorrow, while I’m off work.)

Cons of co-washing:

  • Not Eco-Friendly – the cheap conditioners aren’t super Earth-friendly. On sites like the Good Guide, you can see that most of the cheap conditioners get a 6.2/10 rating. I’d love to use greener conditioners, but between their cost and the amount I’d had to use (more than half a bottle in a week of co-washing daily) they’re unattainable for me.
  • Greasy Feeling – okay, look. My hair doesn’t look dirty or greasy or wet; it looks fantastic! However, if you rub your fingers through it, you can feel the residue of the conditioner. It’s almost a greasy feeling. This is more something I’ve noticed while air-drying and waiting out my week one of experimenting with this process. Perhaps that feeling can be avoided with longer rinsing, blow-drying, or different conditioners; I’ll have to have patience to see.
  • Lots of Product – you use a LOT of conditioner with this, especially with longer hair. I have hair that’s 4-5 inches past my shoulders, and I used over half a bottle in a week. For $0.79 per bottle, it’s not a big deal. However, that’s why I can’t use the eco-friendly stuff for co-washing.
  • Time – I take 10-minute showers, sometimes up to 15 if I’m shaving my legs. That means it’s a big deal for me to dedicate 5 minutes to doing my hair in the shower. I’ve developed a system (start the hair, clip it up, wash the body and/or shave, then rinse), but I can’t imagine it being so easy on a day when I end up running late.

I’m still waiting to find myself in need of shampoo. Some co-washers use it once a month, some once a week. I have a feeling I’ll manage quite happily without shampoo for a while longer. As long as my hair looks and feels clean after every shower, I have no need for soaps.

To soothe my inner hippy, I’ve reminded myself of this: I may be using a non-natural product in my hair, but it’s slightly better than the ones I used before. It’s also about the same amount (since I have too much hair), so the pollution levels aren’t increasing. In fact, my lack of shampoo at least adds a little less harsh detergent to our water supply. It’s not much, but it’s something.

 

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

I’m An Accidental Homesteader?

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Homesteading is a movement toward self-sufficiency. People are trying to relearn skills that used to be passed down generationally; many of those skills are now taken over by preprocessed items and conveniences. A homesteader has chosen to purposefully cultivate those skills anyway, for the purpose of being better educated and more prepared for an emergency.

I’ve been researching the idea of homesteading, and I found out that I already march to the same drum. I’ve been cultivating long-ignored skills like cooking from scratch and cleaning with simple (i.e. cheap) household items. In my browsing, I came across a great idea: make a list of the changes you would like to make, things you would like to do, and skills you would like to learn. Then pick one item at a time to work on.

Instead, I’ve made a two-fold list. First, I looked at the skills listed on various homesteading sites and compiled those I already have; it always feels good to recognize how far you’ve come. Secondly, I made a list of skills I’d like to develop. Some, like sewing, require more of an investment in machinery and other items than I can afford at the moment. Overall, though, I’ve made some decent goals for myself.

SKILLS I HAVE:

  • Cooking from Scratch – I know how to prep and cook lots of foods from scratch, as well as knowing replacements for various items and “old school” skills like making gravy from scratch (rather than from a packet).
  • Drying/Dehydrating Foods – I have a dehydrator, and I know how to use it (at least moderately) to dry foods. I’ve mostly just made jerky, but I’m not too slow to figure out other dried goods. I’d love an upgraded machine, though; mine’s very one-setting-only.
  • Killing Food Animals – I haven’t hunted, but I’ve fished and killed/gutted my own fish and crawdads. I’m not squeamish, so I could easily add rabbits and fowl to my food set with minimal adjustment (other than figuring out proper fur/feather removal).
  • Simple Cleaning – I’ve learned how to use baking soda, vinegar, and other similarly simple items to clean my house. I’m working on switching out my cosmetic/hygiene items as well, bit by bit. Overall, though, I’ve found cheaper and more earth-conscious ways to clean.
  • Bread – I can bake bread, be it overnight stuff or four-hours-of-rising-just-to-annoy-you stuff. I could, if we ate bread more often, technically meet all of our needs with homemade bread.

SKILLS I’D LIKE TO HAVE:

  • Fermentation – I’d like to have a good grasp of how to safely and effectively ferment foods for consumption. I’m actually working on this skill right now!
  • Basic Sewing – I’d like to learn to use a sewing machine well enough to make decent skirts and other simple items.
  • Crocheting – I’ve learned the basic single and double stitch, so I can technically make a washcloth, towel, or blanket with crochet. I’d like to learn how to properly make hats, socks, mittens, scarves, and similar useful items (as well as some fun patterns, like crocheted jewelry).
  • Foraging – I’d like to learn the local flora and fauna well enough to be able to forage. I had that skill in Washington state, but I’ve never taken the time to adjust to Texas.
  • Gardening – I haven’t successfully grown a plant since I was in high school. It might be the super lame lighting in our house; there are almost no windows, so the plants don’t get light. Outdoors, it’s so dry that my forgetfulness leads to baked, dead plants. I’d like to learn how to get some simple veggies like lettuce and bell peppers to grow (at least at our new house).
  • Maintenance – I want to learn to use basic tools, and how to do basic home repairs (even though I rent). How do I thaw frozen pipes properly? How do I re-grout the tile in the bathroom? I’d like to know how to do these kinds of things without Google.
  • Cheese-making – I bought a kit, but I never used it. I want to learn how to make cheese safely and correctly. I can make yogurt cheese, but that’s super simple (i.e. cheating).
  • Soap-making – I’d like to learn how to make soap, at least from a curiosity standpoint. I’ll have to see how difficult it is before deciding whether it’s worth the trouble.

In realizing that I’m pretty self-sufficient already, I’ve decided I’m just an accidental homesteader. My hippie ways have guided me to this point, and I’ll keep walking down this road as long as it’s still groovy.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Random Pet Peeve: Typing Speed Liars

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I hate typing speed liars.

To get my job, I had to actually take a traditional typing test. That means I read and copied from a book next to the computer screen, I had to double space after each sentence, and proper punctuation and spelling were a must. Errors knocked off points, there was no autocorrect, and too many canceled out the whole test. In 2010 I was hired with a speed of 83wpm.

Too many people lie about their speed. They’ll say “You only type 83wpm? Well, I type around 120, blah blah blah”. The problem is two-fold.

One, many of those people have horrible spelling and grammar issues. My brother has improved, but for most of middle and high school his essays were literally one long sentence. Your speed doesn’t count if you only achieve it by mashing the buttons faster than everyone else; what you type needs to be something others can actually read.

Two, most of those people haven’t sat down to a real test. They might’ve played with an online game, like one where you type whatever you want for five minutes to determine your speed. Those tests are both faulty and unrealistic; no workplace uses a “type whatever” test, because that allows you to type “I like pie” over and over if desired. That makes you look fast, but can you find the “v” key without looking? Can you type long words like “imagination” and “organization” without long pauses in your speed?

I’m not the fastest typer out there. This isn’t a pride thing. My issue is with people bragging about their imagined speed, simply because my speed is mentioned. There was a girl I was introduced to via Skype who said she typed 130wpm… and I watched her type maybe 40 (with TONS of backspacing) the entire time we talked.

If you watch me work, I quite literally move at 83wpm. I click and type and tab as fast as you would expect with that typing speed. I don’t make many data entry errors, simply because that’s my fastest speed while remaining correct. I’m sure I could type 100wpm… if you didn’t count errors at all and I managed not to backspace when I made one.

Everyone who’s good with computers can type quickly. What’s more important than speed is the knowledge of spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the program itself (Word, Notepad, the internet). If you develop that type of knowledge, the typing speed comes naturally with time.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Random Philosophical Question

Posted on by Larissa Lee

As a Wiccan, I often think about random ethical situations for fun. That’s totally normal, right?

…

…

…

ANYway… my random philosophical thought today is: Can you apologize without being sorry?

When you apologize, you express an excuse for some fault, insult, failure, or injury (via Dictionary.com). When you’re sorry, you feel regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.

I can apologize for not doing more to help end the use of sweat shops, but I don’t feel sorry for it. My clothes come from thrift stores; I don’t personally buy into the negative clothing market except for underwear items.

I can apologize for not wanting to help out Syria, but I’m not sorry for wanting my people to stay safe and far away from someone else’s troubles. Our troops are worn and broken enough, and I’m tired of being a country at war. We weren’t always this way, and I can’t find sympathy for another country when they’ve torn themselves to pieces.

I can be sorry for being harsh in my views on helping other countries when our own is in a tough place, but I won’t apologize for putting my own people first. I do feel regret, especially knowing so much waste happens here while people in Africa face crop failure and food/water scarcity daily. I pity their plight, but I don’t apologize for having no answers, no solutions to those problems (nor do I apologize for thinking that the money we’ve been throwing at the problem isn’t helping).

So, can you apologize without being sorry? Can you feel sorry without apologizing? I’d say yes.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

(Selfish) Hippy Hair Care

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’ve fought a hard, frustrating battle with all-natural hair care this past week.

I’ve discovered that most completely natural hair product DIY recipes are for black girl hair, and that makes a HUGE difference in how my hair reacts to their methods.

I’ve had hair that’s dry like straw, tangled like vines in the jungle, and greasy up like an oil wrestler.

Here’s the tally of experiments I’ve put my hair through (so far):

  • Castile Soap – by itself, this dried my hair out like straw
  • Vinegar Rinse – since my hair was already dry, I tried just using a vinegar rinse the next morning, only to have greasy hair at work all day
  • Herbal Shampoo – made with herbal tea and some castile soap, this had no washing effect on the grease in my hair
  • Coconut Oil Conditioning – unlike instructions, this took two rounds of straight castile soap to rinse out and degrease my stringy hair
  • Castile Soap, Black Tea Rinse – the soap did its drying thing, and the tea did nothing (other than making my hair even more tangled than the previous attempts)
  • Castile Soap, Just on My Bangs – avoiding further damage to the length of my hair, I just washed the greasy bang area around my face (and it was all still very dry)
  • Aloe – hair became very soft and manageable
  • Aloe, Round 2 – same method, bangs were a bit “heavy” (greasy looking and acting, but didn’t feel greasy at all)
  • Aloe, Round 3 – same method, hair acted greasy enough to spike without hair gel (aloe as shampoo alone clearly doesn’t strip any oils, and it adds its own moisture)
  • Castile Soap – by itself, after three days of aloe it didn’t dry me out like before
  • 50/50 Castile/Aloe – used this morning, awaiting dry hair for results

As you can see, I haven’t cheated. My normal shampoo and conditioner are packed away in the cupboard, out of reach. I’ve put up with this process, and I have one really good reason.

My scalp.

I live with horrible, daily dandruff. I use dandruff shampoo (and conditioner) 99% of the time. I’ve tried various treatments for dandruff, from moisturizing methods for the skin itself to detox for your scalp via vinegar rinses. Regardless, I constantly deal with some level of dandruff.

Until now.

Even with all these failures, my scalp has stopped producing constant flakes. I can guess why. As someone allergic to many chemical cleaners and some skin care products, it should be no surprise that my scalp reacted to the dozens of chemicals found in normal shampoo and conditioner. I probably had a constant allergic reaction going, albeit a small one.

I’m determined to find a shampoo mix that works, or to find a balance between using castile soap and aloe conditioner (if that works… it’s on the “try it” list). Forget being eco-friendly or saving the environment; I legitimately can claim selfishness as the core reason for continuing on this path toward hippy hair care. The fact it all helps limit or prevent pollution is just an awesome side benefit.

Posted in [business projects], [miscellaneous experiments]

Projects in Motion

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Today has been an organizational day. I’ve been messing with my blog, updating categories and making once-private posts public. As I browsed my various posts, it got me to thinking: sometimes it looks like I never finish a project. My projects are all so long-term and low yield that they just happen over time, without me updating myself or others on what’s been going on.

That said, I wanted to make a list for myself. Think of this as a mile marker on my path in life.

Healthy Eating

The idea: I’ve blogged off and on about vegetarianism and preservatives. I’m a flexitarian for sure, and I’ve experimented too many times to count. I’ve tried vegetarianism, tried to switch to ethical meats once I became aware of a local health food store, gone thirty days drinking only water, started reading labels to avoid preservatives, and wanted to start using herbal remedies and eating organic.

The reality: I’ve made some definite life changes that stuck.

  • I read all labels on my foods, avoiding preservatives as much as possible; this means I’ve given up a lot of favorites (like Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls in a tube), but I feel better about my food choices.
  • I eat organic as much as possible, using the Dirty Dozen list to help me make hard decisions when money’s tight.
  • I mostly drink water, with green smoothies covering breakfast every morning and the occasional soda every couple of weeks.
  • I haven’t switched to ethical meats, because it really is beyond my budget. I try not to waste, and I go for smaller animals (less environmental impact). I’m not willing to go fully vegetarian, because a bean can never replace bacon… but I make small efforts.
  • I’ve been using some herbal remedies. My main example is replacing antibiotic ointment with a homemade salve; I only made the damn salve after a sudden reaction to Neosporin! I’m glad to have made the switch, and I’m looking for practical switches for others hygiene products.
  • I make my own cleaners. I use vinegar for everything, and my homemade laundry soap takes 1-2 tablespoons per load. This was also the result of allergies to cleaning chemicals… I really don’t exist well in the presence of man-made toxins!

All in all, I’m pretty happy with the progress I’ve made.

Spiritual Goals

The idea: I’ve talked about a lot of things on this blog over time. Some of them included vlogging, finding a better focus in shamanism, and finding a comfortable way to walk my path after a long hiatus.

The reality: I’m working on it. I know, it doesn’t seem like it… but I’ve been working with practical issues.

  • I don’t own a decent camera, and the laptop I use has a crappy microphone. I went out and purchased a decent-but-cheap microphone, but I haven’t had time to try out a recording.
  • I have notes for the various starter videos I intend to create, since I’m a rambler without some kind of outline. I’m still trying to decide between organic and structured flow, though. I personally like the idea of just recording a vlog like any other phone-to-YouTube vlogger, but the perfectionist in me wishes I could do all the editing and cool effects of the higher quality vlog channels I watch. I’m working on finding a realistic model for my own videos.
  • I have a family, and we study together each week now, as well as celebrating key days (like the full moon tonight). They help me stay on a focused path and grow as an individual, and I help them find confidence in leading a small group. It’s win/win.
  • I’ve actually compiled (literally translated into “come, get in a pile!”) all of my pagan notes from previous studies and random research tangents. I’m working on the pile slowly, going through and weeding out the good from the bad. I’m rebuilding my binder book of shadows, mostly because it’s the format I like best. At the moment, my original binder is stuffed full of JUNK, including journaling and articles and poetry and BLAH. I’m slowly chipping away at its mass, organizing it into something usable.

As you can see, I’m working on spiritual projects. They just take so much time, and I only have hours here and there to spare for them.

For my writing endeavors, I’m a flop. I’ll be honest; I’m a bit scared. I’m scared to commit to a project like writing a novel or writing a good pagan ebook. Why? Because once I commit, it gets added to The List of Things To Do *key dramatic music*. As long as I refuse to commit, I can work on my writings in bits and pieces without feeling guilty for “doing nothing” for long periods of time. Eventually, I’ll settle down with my muse and focus on my writing in some fashion… however, today is not that day/week/month.

And my mommy goal has been postponed. I had some minor health issues, then some minor family drama, then some financial issues… you get the idea. I’ve decided to postpone my plans until after our lease is up and we move into a cheaper place. That gives me a few months to get as healthy as possible and prepare my mind and body for the change. I’m also re-evaluating my feelings on being a stay-at-home mom vs a working mom; I’m starting to think that I’d be happy to work, but only if one of the boys were willing to stay at home instead. (I’m still very anti-daycare.) We’ll see what happens.

So there we are! I’ve accomplished a TON that I just never think about until I list it like this. Woohoo for lists, right?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Thoughts on Meditation

Posted on by Larissa Lee

With a study session on meditation coming up, I’ve been contemplating my various meditative experiences. Have a look!

When I was a young pagan pup, I made up a meditation (or was inspired to?). Sitting cross-legged, I’d swirl my body in small circles and visualize a tornado taking me away. When I landed, I’d be in a dark, damp cave. Ahead would be a double door, ornate and heavy-looking. I’d look around nearby and find a key; I instinctively found it each time. Unlocking the doors, I’d cross into an alternate version of my own neighborhood. In this world, the rules of physics didn’t apply; I could fly by jumping up and willing it to be so. The only real rule was that nobody I knew would be there; any people or creatures I ran across were guides taking on a familiar form, that’s all. I distinctly remember mixing potions from herbs in this beautiful, big room at a local museum.

Back before I had internet at home, I used Tetris and solitare as meditative tools. Keep in mind, I didn’t have internet at home until 2005 due to living in Germany as a broke Army brat. To use the games as tools, I had a process. I would put on noise-cancelling headphones, turn on a random mix of music, and start playing. Somewhere between levels and songs, my mind would move to an altered state of consciousness. I wouldn’t hear my name, even if my music stopped; I wouldn’t really see the game I was playing. In fact, the few times I was interrupted would cause me to pause, but when I returned I would immediately lose at Tetris. The level I was on would turn out to be far beyond my normal focus. I don’t use this method often anymore, but it’s a highly effective way to alter my consciousness for calming and problem-solving purposes.

During a meditation class in my old coven, I met Isis. I don’t particularly like Egyptian mythology; I have a long and detailed reason that I’m not going to explain right now. That said, I was actually participating in a meditation to meet a goddess. The meditation began with a stone. We focused on it, and it expanded to become the ground beneath our feet. As we walked, we saw a woman in the distance; when she arrived in front of us, we would see her and ask her stuff. I have issues “seeing” images, so most often my experiences are hard to describe. However, I saw flashes of white robes, a golden headdress of wings, and thick kohl eyeliner with dark hair. We approached a bonfire (via the guide’s instructions for the meditation) and celebrated with other females and goddess; I couldn’t see anything but blurs and flickers of light, but I felt the pressure of people nearby and heard the sounds of celebration. After the meditation, I looked through a deck of goddess cards as part of our post-meditative discussion and was amazed to see an image of Isis looking exactly how I’d seen her. I haven’t worked with her since, as she didn’t communicate that particular desire, but I’ve always remembered her contact.

During an inner temple meditation, I saw my true self. You were told to look around, and there would be some representations of each element visible in your temple. Mine was a big marble room, with three steps in the middle leading up to an altar surrounded by pillars. Everything was marble. On the path up to my altar, there were two little pools carved beside the pathway. The meditation told you to find the water in your temple and seek your reflection; that would be a vision of your true self. I was a lithe-but-curvy blonde with a peacock headdress (and nothing else) on. It made me think of Hera, but I felt no presence, and I haven’t felt any tug to research or worship her. However, I’ve kept my eyes open to any further contact.

Once, I took an unguided meditation that blew my mind. It was based on the starter exercise in Follow the Shaman’s Call. I was having trouble visualizing anything like a tunnel or stairs to my inner world. Suddenly, after trying very hard to go “down the tunnel”, I was in a cave so dark I couldn’t see, but I could sense there was water in front of me. Having read that sometimes a challenge is presented (and knowing my fear of drowning), I dove in and swam… and swam… until I felt some fear that I wouldn’t be able to breathe. I stayed calm, reminding myself that I was in control. At the last second before I would’ve lost my cool, my head broke the surface of the water. I was on a calm beach, at night. The sands stretched up to a tree line, a forest that felt soothing and right. I walked across the beach and placed my hand on a tree before being interrupted; I said farewell and rushed back the way I came, having read that you should always finish a journey by returning EVEN if interrupted (it’s better for grounding your spirit). That book was borrowed and never returned, so I haven’t tried that journey again.

The last major meditation I can remember was unfocused. I tried to follow a guided meditation, but I found myself shifted to leopard form. Then I ran across a bear who demanded I behave (like a stern mother) and there were no words. I hadn’t learned how to understand messages without words, so the interaction left me confused (on top of the confusion an unexpected shift creates). I’ve gained some understanding of my shifts and of non-verbal communication in meditation since then, but I haven’t tried that particular meditation in ages.

Reviewing my experiences, I have to admit that I mostly think of meditation in terms of journeywork. When you include any process of focusing (or unfocusing) the mind or altering your state of consciousness, I can say that I meditate far more often. I spend at least a few minutes a day in meditation, using music or time in the shower to realign myself. Sometimes I even “zone out” during a rerun and let my brain reorganize itself in an unguided process. I may have to incorportate more purposeful meditation in my day-to-day life; we’ll see what this next study session has to offer, and go from there.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Herbalism thoughts on Earth Day

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’ve never had an interest in herbs, herbalism, or herbal magick. I happen to prefer natural remedies, though, so I have to spend some time researching basic herbalism.

That said, my family’s first class was all about herbs. We decided to assign the following: Choose at least five herbs, then research their magickal and medicinal uses. Be prepared to craft an experimental use of at least one herb for magickal and/or medicinal purposes.

Our class started with a trip to Temple, to visit Nature’s Grocer and gather our supplies. They happen to have large amounts of organic bulk herbs, so we were in cheap herb heaven. We all decided to up our number of herbs from five to ten, so our hauls from the store looked like we were trying to supply an entire restaurant or something.

My herbs were chosen based (mostly) on their magickal properties. I tried to find herbs that were used for psychic awareness and power. My final list included: cinnamon, grass, lavender, thyme, bay laurel, dandelion, wheat, oats, roses, and ginger.

Did you know regular grass, plucked and held in your hand, can enhance your psychic ability and intuition? Me neither!

For my practical application, I had two goals. First, I made a small pillow of psychic herbs (grass, dandelion, cinnamon, thyme, and bay) to sniff before and during divination; I’m going to play with it this week and see how well it helps. My other goal was to create a traveling spirit bundle kit. I purchased two small multi-compartment containers, allowing me to carry about a tablespoon of each herb with me at all times; in addition, I have several pieces of colored cloth and some string. The idea is that I can stop anywhere, create a spirit bundle, and move on. The idea originally came from a YouTuber sometime last year, though I can’t remember who she was.

I’ve decided to work on expanding my awareness, for now. It’s a general goal, allowing me to apply each lesson we cover to my personal growth. This week we’re going to look at meditation, perform a couple guided meditations, and discuss our results. I’m hoping to talk to my spirit guide, or perhaps to talk to Fox (the spirit of the pelt I rescued from a thift store last year). I may focus on shapeshifting if I have trouble contacting a guide; half of my meditations end with me as a non-human, so I might as well work on understanding and controlling that process instead of just experiencing it.

Having practical plans for studying and growing as a Wiccan is beautiful and soothing. Studying with my family makes me accountable to my own promises; if I say I’m going to make a rune set out of clay before the next full moon, they’ll bug me until I show them a rune set. And if I say that something new sounds interesting, they follow me down a new path and explore it.

Happy Earth Day, by the way!

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Spring Cleaning All Layers

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Spring Break is just another week away, and I have the week off (paid) to do with as I will. This year, I plan to do some spring cleaning.

Physically, I want to uber-clean my house. There’s dust in places I’ve been too lazy to reach. We need to finally finish going through the garage. I’m going to finish down-sizing my book collection (again) and cataloging what I have to avoid repeat purchases. My kitchen cabinets will get a rummage, as I wipe them down and check all my canned and boxed goods for expiration dates.

Mentally, I want to clear my mind and focus. I have a lot of small projects here and there, but my mind’s a bit like an over-burdened stove; there aren’t enough burners to get everything cooked! I’ve started the process by making a list steps to accomplish my achievable goals in a timely manner.

Emotionally, I want to cleanse myself of worries and doubts. I have personal issues to work through, and a week of work-free time might help me to wade my way through them.

Spirituality, I want to renew and review. My house could use a refreshment of the cleansing and blessing I originally did; there are new people living with me since the first ritual. I’ll continue to mold my personal Greco-Wiccan practice with my dear friend Sarah’s help, hammering out details and plans for seasonal celebration. In review, we’ll be continuing to pick topics for research; as Sarah learns, I review and relearn things I once took for granted. Lastly, my project currently in the works for a pagan vlog is waiting on some equipment and planning work.

That seems like a lot of work to get done in a week, but many aspects overlap. Take the cleaning portion of spring cleaning: I’ll be both cleaning (with a cloth) and cleansing (with blessed water, vinegar, etc.) my spaces, then following that up with a ritual blessing. My mental decluttering and focusing will directly connect to my spiritual renew and review goals.

All in all, I’m looking forward to some down time!