Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Random Philosophical Question

As a Wiccan, I often think about random ethical situations for fun. That’s totally normal, right?

ANYway… my random philosophical thought today is: Can you apologize without being sorry?

When you apologize, you express an excuse for some fault, insult, failure, or injury (via Dictionary.com). When you’re sorry, you feel regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.

I can apologize for not doing more to help end the use of sweat shops, but I don’t feel sorry for it. My clothes come from thrift stores; I don’t personally buy into the negative clothing market except for underwear items.

I can apologize for not wanting to help out Syria, but I’m not sorry for wanting my people to stay safe and far away from someone else’s troubles. Our troops are worn and broken enough, and I’m tired of being a country at war. We weren’t always this way, and I can’t find sympathy for another country when they’ve torn themselves to pieces.

I can be sorry for being harsh in my views on helping other countries when our own is in a tough place, but I won’t apologize for putting my own people first. I do feel regret, especially knowing so much waste happens here while people in Africa face crop failure and food/water scarcity daily. I pity their plight, but I don’t apologize for having no answers, no solutions to those problems (nor do I apologize for thinking that the money we’ve been throwing at the problem isn’t helping).

So, can you apologize without being sorry? Can you feel sorry without apologizing? I’d say yes.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Stand With Texas Women

Stand with Texas Women
Stand with Texas Women

Protestors are descending on Austin today to speak out about the new special session. I have a dozen friends heading down there to shout and protest, while I’m stuck here at work. Knowing I’d be stuck out of the action, though, I wrote myself a little prayer. Keep in mind, I’m a pagan. I’ve always believed that prayer and magic have a huge influence on the world around us. By doing a prayer and creating a talisman, I’ve added my energies to those of the people who are actually there protesting in person.

Talisman and candle
Talisman and candle

My talisman was pretty simple. I bought some little cardboard tags, and I used some watercolors to paint a powerful (and angry) goddess. I also collected together a red candle, some flowers, my prayer, and elemental symbols (salt, incense, etc.). With my sisters, we blessed our talismans with the elements before staying the prayer over them. I’m sharing this mini-ritual, largely for those who want to take a stand but can’t. Energy is a powerful thing. Every voice matters.

Altar arrangement
Altar arrangement

The prayer is as follows:

We gather here as Texas women, seeking our rights when our representatives do not. Our hearts burn with righteous anger at the injustice served to us by our leaders.

We gather here to pray for our rights, for the rights of women throughout our state and women all over our country.

The right to choose… motherhood or virginity, fertility or contraception, sexuality or abstinence, money maker or homemaker.

We have the right to choose our fate, to walk the path we see before us, or to choose to walk the other way.

Great Goddess, aid our cause! Let our intent be clear, Let our strategies be well thought out. Let our sexuality be freed from shame. Let our stand be firm and our rights unhindered.

We pray to thee, Great Goddess! Charge these prayer talismans. Guide our hands, lift our voices, and let us be heard!

So mote it be!

Please, if you’re a pro-rights supporter, take a moment to send your thoughts and prayers our way. You don’t have to be pagan, and you don’t have to use my prayer. We could use all the help we can get!

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Thoughts on Meditation

With a study session on meditation coming up, I’ve been contemplating my various meditative experiences. Have a look!

When I was a young pagan pup, I made up a meditation (or was inspired to?). Sitting cross-legged, I’d swirl my body in small circles and visualize a tornado taking me away. When I landed, I’d be in a dark, damp cave. Ahead would be a double door, ornate and heavy-looking. I’d look around nearby and find a key; I instinctively found it each time. Unlocking the doors, I’d cross into an alternate version of my own neighborhood. In this world, the rules of physics didn’t apply; I could fly by jumping up and willing it to be so. The only real rule was that nobody I knew would be there; any people or creatures I ran across were guides taking on a familiar form, that’s all. I distinctly remember mixing potions from herbs in this beautiful, big room at a local museum.

Back before I had internet at home, I used Tetris and solitare as meditative tools. Keep in mind, I didn’t have internet at home until 2005 due to living in Germany as a broke Army brat. To use the games as tools, I had a process. I would put on noise-cancelling headphones, turn on a random mix of music, and start playing. Somewhere between levels and songs, my mind would move to an altered state of consciousness. I wouldn’t hear my name, even if my music stopped; I wouldn’t really see the game I was playing. In fact, the few times I was interrupted would cause me to pause, but when I returned I would immediately lose at Tetris. The level I was on would turn out to be far beyond my normal focus. I don’t use this method often anymore, but it’s a highly effective way to alter my consciousness for calming and problem-solving purposes.

During a meditation class in my old coven, I met Isis. I don’t particularly like Egyptian mythology; I have a long and detailed reason that I’m not going to explain right now. That said, I was actually participating in a meditation to meet a goddess. The meditation began with a stone. We focused on it, and it expanded to become the ground beneath our feet. As we walked, we saw a woman in the distance; when she arrived in front of us, we would see her and ask her stuff. I have issues “seeing” images, so most often my experiences are hard to describe. However, I saw flashes of white robes, a golden headdress of wings, and thick kohl eyeliner with dark hair. We approached a bonfire (via the guide’s instructions for the meditation) and celebrated with other females and goddess; I couldn’t see anything but blurs and flickers of light, but I felt the pressure of people nearby and heard the sounds of celebration. After the meditation, I looked through a deck of goddess cards as part of our post-meditative discussion and was amazed to see an image of Isis looking exactly how I’d seen her. I haven’t worked with her since, as she didn’t communicate that particular desire, but I’ve always remembered her contact.

During an inner temple meditation, I saw my true self. You were told to look around, and there would be some representations of each element visible in your temple. Mine was a big marble room, with three steps in the middle leading up to an altar surrounded by pillars. Everything was marble. On the path up to my altar, there were two little pools carved beside the pathway. The meditation told you to find the water in your temple and seek your reflection; that would be a vision of your true self. I was a lithe-but-curvy blonde with a peacock headdress (and nothing else) on. It made me think of Hera, but I felt no presence, and I haven’t felt any tug to research or worship her. However, I’ve kept my eyes open to any further contact.

Once, I took an unguided meditation that blew my mind. It was based on the starter exercise in Follow the Shaman’s Call. I was having trouble visualizing anything like a tunnel or stairs to my inner world. Suddenly, after trying very hard to go “down the tunnel”, I was in a cave so dark I couldn’t see, but I could sense there was water in front of me. Having read that sometimes a challenge is presented (and knowing my fear of drowning), I dove in and swam… and swam… until I felt some fear that I wouldn’t be able to breathe. I stayed calm, reminding myself that I was in control. At the last second before I would’ve lost my cool, my head broke the surface of the water. I was on a calm beach, at night. The sands stretched up to a tree line, a forest that felt soothing and right. I walked across the beach and placed my hand on a tree before being interrupted; I said farewell and rushed back the way I came, having read that you should always finish a journey by returning EVEN if interrupted (it’s better for grounding your spirit). That book was borrowed and never returned, so I haven’t tried that journey again.

The last major meditation I can remember was unfocused. I tried to follow a guided meditation, but I found myself shifted to leopard form. Then I ran across a bear who demanded I behave (like a stern mother) and there were no words. I hadn’t learned how to understand messages without words, so the interaction left me confused (on top of the confusion an unexpected shift creates). I’ve gained some understanding of my shifts and of non-verbal communication in meditation since then, but I haven’t tried that particular meditation in ages.

Reviewing my experiences, I have to admit that I mostly think of meditation in terms of journeywork. When you include any process of focusing (or unfocusing) the mind or altering your state of consciousness, I can say that I meditate far more often. I spend at least a few minutes a day in meditation, using music or time in the shower to realign myself. Sometimes I even “zone out” during a rerun and let my brain reorganize itself in an unguided process. I may have to incorportate more purposeful meditation in my day-to-day life; we’ll see what this next study session has to offer, and go from there.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Herbalism thoughts on Earth Day

I’ve never had an interest in herbs, herbalism, or herbal magick. I happen to prefer natural remedies, though, so I have to spend some time researching basic herbalism.

That said, my family’s first class was all about herbs. We decided to assign the following: Choose at least five herbs, then research their magickal and medicinal uses. Be prepared to craft an experimental use of at least one herb for magickal and/or medicinal purposes.

Our class started with a trip to Temple, to visit Nature’s Grocer and gather our supplies. They happen to have large amounts of organic bulk herbs, so we were in cheap herb heaven. We all decided to up our number of herbs from five to ten, so our hauls from the store looked like we were trying to supply an entire restaurant or something.

My herbs were chosen based (mostly) on their magickal properties. I tried to find herbs that were used for psychic awareness and power. My final list included: cinnamon, grass, lavender, thyme, bay laurel, dandelion, wheat, oats, roses, and ginger.

Did you know regular grass, plucked and held in your hand, can enhance your psychic ability and intuition? Me neither!

For my practical application, I had two goals. First, I made a small pillow of psychic herbs (grass, dandelion, cinnamon, thyme, and bay) to sniff before and during divination; I’m going to play with it this week and see how well it helps. My other goal was to create a traveling spirit bundle kit. I purchased two small multi-compartment containers, allowing me to carry about a tablespoon of each herb with me at all times; in addition, I have several pieces of colored cloth and some string. The idea is that I can stop anywhere, create a spirit bundle, and move on. The idea originally came from a YouTuber sometime last year, though I can’t remember who she was.

I’ve decided to work on expanding my awareness, for now. It’s a general goal, allowing me to apply each lesson we cover to my personal growth. This week we’re going to look at meditation, perform a couple guided meditations, and discuss our results. I’m hoping to talk to my spirit guide, or perhaps to talk to Fox (the spirit of the pelt I rescued from a thift store last year). I may focus on shapeshifting if I have trouble contacting a guide; half of my meditations end with me as a non-human, so I might as well work on understanding and controlling that process instead of just experiencing it.

Having practical plans for studying and growing as a Wiccan is beautiful and soothing. Studying with my family makes me accountable to my own promises; if I say I’m going to make a rune set out of clay before the next full moon, they’ll bug me until I show them a rune set. And if I say that something new sounds interesting, they follow me down a new path and explore it.

Happy Earth Day, by the way!

Posted in [poetry], [witchcraft & wonder]

Bottles of Spilled Ink [poem]

My heart is a cabinet full
of ink bottles.
The warm reds,
the bright yellows,
the listless greys,
the giddy greens.
Life fills them,
the gentle drops of laughter and
the heartbroken tears of defeat
slowly refilling me.
Sometimes
a bottle spills over across a page,
words forming in the smudges of
life’s colors.
Beautiful words,
sad words and glad words,
words so full they fall from my pen
before it touches paper.
I write my story with the ink life gives me,
the lessons learned in pink,
the journeys walked with blue,
the stillness of wintery white.
Life is a rainbow,
light shot through the prism of experience
to bend and twist and form
the colors of a poet’s ink.


My earliest memories of magic in my life had to do with color.

In fifth grade, I was furious with someone for hitting my best friend. I stared at the wall until, suddenly, I realized that I was literally “seeing red”. I imagined it fading to white (the color of the wall), and I calmed myself.

In sixth grade, I was experiencing the first of many hormonally-caused mood swings where I was just melancholy. I imagined what’s written in the poem above: all of my emotions in life are inkwells that get filled by experiences, until they overflow. It’s why, I thought, I didn’t readily laugh; my emotional vial for happiness and laughter was just too big for my life to fill at that time.

In seventh grade, I discovered Wicca. As the child of an agnostic and an atheist, it was a breath of vibrant and colorful fresh air. I found myself in every leaf, in moments spent lying in the tall grass with friends, in raindrops as they ran across the car window. Brilliantly random moments became spiritual, drops of color in a landscape of black and white.

From that early moment in 1999, I found myself not only experiencing vibrance but sharing it as well. I’d drop into people’s lives, leaving behind smudges from the ink on my soul. (I’d like to think I left more beauty and joy than I did anger or sorrow.) There have been moments when someone has expressed what I’ve been to them… the light and glitter they saw when I touched them sometimes has me in awe.

Life is a beautiful, painful, colorful mess.

Color magic is big to me. Colors lure out our emotions, express them when words cannot, and soothe them when our own efforts fail.

The blue of a TARDIS makes me think of Water, of compassion and hope.

The pastels often used in art nouveau speak of Air, of youth and wisdom.

The almost black-and-white landscape of a winter storm shows Earth, the quiet and stillness of rest.

The red spaghetti sauce slopped on my noodles makes me see flames dancing, Fire and the warmth of family, hearth, and home.

Life is magic because it is color, light, and vibrance.

It’s time to set down my quill and focus on life in action. Until next time, I wish you brightest blessings… and a rainbow of experience!

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

the Quiet

Quiet.

I’ve been seeking myself in the quiet for the last two months. I haven’t blogged or journaled. I haven’t had any deep philosophical and spiritual discussions on the meaning of life. I haven’t read anything new (or old) on my path, nor have I studied the path of another.

My life has been still.

I’ve contemplated my place in existence, my path, and my goals. I’ve thought over my ethics and morals, as well as where I got them. I’ve reviewed my actions, past and present, against the backdrop of spirituality. All of these intense, introspective thoughts have bounced around and around in my mind and heart. I’ve come to realize I don’t know myself.

I’ve left myself be two beings, separated by imaginary things.

One of them is a being based in who I believe myself to be. She’s the one who loves the color purple, because she always has (hasn’t she?). She’s the one who dives into Greek mythology and worship with a furvor and passion unmatched by any other. She’s the one who has the amazing ideas about places our spiritual path is taking us, and how much we’ve changed. She’s also the one who’s wrong.

The other being is me, the real me. She’s the one who recognizes a love for cool colors, regardless of shade. She’s the one who groks our connection to Wicca and what our spiritual path truly looks like ahead. She’s the one who accepts alternate views while maintaining a core foundation of spirituality that I didn’t think I had. She’s the me I’ve been speaking to in the stillness.

I’ve spent the last four years on a giant detour. I’ve played with labels, and paths, and styles of magic. I’ve studied subjects I never would’ve dreamed of studying when I started down my path in 1999. Vampirism, therianthropy, shamanism, Asatru, the Ordeal path, color therapy. I dove head first into a pagan tradition and coven hierarchy, only to climb out feeling a little jaded but changed for the better.

Now, it’s time to regroup.

I’m a Wiccan. I’m more flexible than a traditionalist, but I’m still Wiccan; in fact, you could say I’m a Standing Stones Wiccan, having grown up on the teachings of Scott Cunningham (and his Standing Stones tradition). I’m not a pagan with Wiccan tendencies. Not a witch with Wiccan flavor. I’m a Wiccan. People fight over that word, and it’s silly. If my beliefs and practices align with the beliefs and practices of Wicca, then I’m a Wiccan. (It’s just like Christianity. You can choose to read your Bible at home and avoid church, yet still be a Christian if you believe in God and Jesus and all that jazz.) No matter what path I wander off onto, I always end up back at Wicca.

That said, I’ve been working on a framework for my practice and worship. I’ve always been very impromptu and go-with-the-flowy, but I enjoyed the stability of coven practice enough to want my own SOP (Standard Operating Procedures) for rituals and spellwork. It’s a work in progress, because other Life Stuff has been a priority these past months (work, getting a new car, making baby plans). But as the solstice approaches and the beginning of a huge change is upon us, I feel the need to refocus and make a commitment to myself.

2013 is going to be a wild ride…

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Gifts

If perception is reality, then my reality is intense and close at all times.

I can hear the wall of shrubs next to me as I walk beside the building I work in. I can taste the preservatives and artificial flavors in my foods, even ones I used to love. I can feel the subtle changes in air pressure and flow around me. I can smell when I woman is on her cycle (not my favorite thing in the world, I’d like to say). I can see patterns and remembered what I’ve seen or read with nearly-photographic memory.

I can explain away all of these things with science, if I were so inclined.

I “hear” the wall due to the echo of my own steps being directed back at close range. I can taste preservatives due to the mostly-natural diet I went on previously; it re-sensitized my taste buds, so the chemicals stand out as not being up-to-par with natural flavors. I feel the air pressure just like everyone else, I just pay more attention to it. My sense of smell is not better than anyone else’s, again I’m just paying more attention to the smells around me. My mind is clearly very sharp, so remembering what I see isn’t a surprise.

I can explain these skills with my therianthropy, with having been a snow leopard in a recent past life or having a snow leopard soul in my body.

My senses are all far superior to human senses. My ears, nose, eyes, and mouth all work toward survival and maintaining awareness of my surroundings. Cats have a natural “spidey sense” that comes from a combination of natural senses and the small bits of information they constantly collect.

I can give a spiritual explanation to these gifts as well.

I hear the shrubs because I’m hearing their spirits talk to me (as an animist, everything has a spirit). I can taste the unnatural things in my foods, because their energy clashes with mine (think of the toxins we consume, my body is warning me when I take them in). I’m an Air sign, I feel the air around me as energies ebb and flow; the world is in constant flux. I sense a woman’s moon cycle through smell, a therian’s gift for recognizing the fertility in those around me. My eyes see patterns to increase my spirit’s ability to syncronize with the world around me.

All that said, I can say that I am gifted with an intense, personal view of reality regardless of explanation.

A wise teacher once said that anything could be a gift, not just the big things. She was speaking of magickal gifts, of psychic talents. A small gift is still a gift. The ability to change the flavor of water. The ability to always know when to speed and when to follow the speed limit exactly (without seeing a cop or being familiar with the area). The ability to get any dog to like you, even the mean ones. The ability to pick up and use any athame with a moment’s notice.

We are all gifted. We take things for granted, because there are smarter, better, faster, stronger (lol) people in the world. But I am only myself; I cannot be the woman who can speak 20 languages, or the man who can write an entire computer program in minutes, or the child that can already play half a dozen instruments (with skill) at the age of 5. I can only be me, the girl who senses this world with intensity and focus.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments], [witchcraft & wonder]

The Beat of a Heart

In my personal opinion, organ meats are earth-friendly. Why? Because we don’t kill the animals for their organs, we kill them for the muscle-meats.

That said, I’ve only ever had cow liver and chicken gizzards. The liver was a delicious experiment my mom did when I was young, a food all of her kids happened to love. The chicken gizzards I tried as an adult from a local fried chicken place. Chewy, but not too shabby.

Today while grocery shopping, I decided to make this weekend a sacred meal experiment. Originally, I only planned to grab some rabbit (first time for me) and prepare it in a magickal and sacred way. However, my browsing of the butchered meats led to a purchase including bison steaks and chicken hearts.

The chicken is a wonderful, under-appreciated animal. In food, its meat is versatile like nobody’s business. In life, they represent fertility and curiosity that leads to knowledge. We’re so separated from our meat sources that I’ve rarely had a whole bird since childhood, and I haven’t ever looked at the animal and wondered about the organs bundled inside. As with turkey, the organ bits were either trash or cooked for the family pet.

So all that said, tonight’s experiment was chicken heart stew. You can find the recipe I used here. If you happen to enjoy cow liver, I think you’d enjoy chicken hearts. The flavor is amazingly similar, as is the texture once they’re stewed. And as $0.89 per pound, they’re an amazingly affordable protein source.

I will definitely eat chicken hearts again. So many animal parts get discarded because of our squeamish culture; I like to think that I can personally make an effort to help use “all parts” of the animal (or at least the ones available).

Tomorrow will be rabbit stew. Rabbit and I have an interesting relationship; I intent to meditate with Her before cooking, and to give proper respect and honor during the process. Unfortunately, I don’t believe the meat I purchased has any bones (damn convenience strikes again). I’ve been collecting and cleaning bones from various food animals for my totemic practices. We shall see…

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

the Ethical Omnivore

It took me longer than I intended to find the time to think about being an Ethical Omnivore. We have CMA festival coming up in two weeks, has more information. But as part of the festival, I signed up to possibly do a workshop on the ethics of being an omnivore.

My diet is pretty light. I eat a lot of grainy breakfasts (oatmeal, a bagel, sometimes cereal) and a lot of meatless lunches (today is “shrimp-flavored” ramen, because grocery day is Friday). Dinner is my main meat meal, and even then it’s usually a small portion of meat with a huge portion of sides.

I grew up with half my plate covered in grilled steak at least 2-3 times a week. I didn’t mind it, until I became a pescatarian (eating only seafood as a meat product) for a few years. After I converted back to eating regularly, I just couldn’t stomach those huge portions of meat anymore. Even favorites like baked chicken are limited to two smaller pieces or one breast (realistic portions compared to my past).

Recently, my spiritual path has been tiptoeing to my plate. That’s where my vegetarian experiment came from, the thought that I should see how much of a difference removing meat really meant to me. I’ve also found myself working with spirit animals more, with respect from animal to animal (because I’m a human animal, not a god). I’ve found that I feel no urge to drop my omnivore habits in order to work with the animals. For example, I didn’t feel any anger or negativity from Cow when I meditated with her; instead, it felt like she was glad someone was reaching out.

I feel like spiritually and ethically it’s necessary to recognize where my foods come from. Not just meats, but plants. All creatures, all things on earth, have energy. When we consume something, we take that energy into ourselves. I gain more from eating meat when I take a moment to recognize the animal it came from.

If I had the skill and time, I’d hunt for my own meats and stock up. I think hunting is a wonderful way to give animals a fair chance at the predator/prey relationship.

Doing research, I’ve come to discover that I’m only small steps from becoming more ethical than I naturally appear to be. Taking time to research my meat sources, finding ways to get hormone-free, free-range foods… I can make a difference for myself and my spirituality.

Part of my research made me think about my recently-crafted spirit pouch and my tails. They’re made from furs, and I’m not sure how the sources treated and processed the animals. I can’t undo buying those furs, but as a pagan I can take the time now to honor Fox and Rabbit and Cow for the sacred materials I use. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s more than nothing.

Becoming an ethical omnivore is far easier than veganism or vegetarianism. It requires more research, but less of a lifestyle change. You still eat the foods you used to eat, but you check where they’re from first. It can even lead to more variety, as you research and discover food sources you didn’t realize you had access to (like a nearby butcher who sells hunted venison during hunting seasons).

I’m going to make efforts to change. I already have the ability to limit my meat intake; now I just have to ensure the meat I *do* eat is ethical by my standards. This is just one more experiment I can sink my teeth into.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Otherkins and Therians, oh my!

Otherkin – a person whose spirit or essence belongs to a species other than human, to include mythical beasts, elves, and alien races.

Therian – an Otherkin person whose spirit or essence specifically belongs to a non-human species that exists or has existed on Earth

Reasons and theories on why Otherkins and Therians occur:

– Species dismorphia, where one disassociates with one’s true species (human) and associates with another

– Totemism taken too far, where the person over-connects to their totem animal and begins to have unconscious shifts (mental and spiritual) as they occassionally merge

– a Higher Power choses to mix in spirits from other realms and species in order to add new lessons and guidance from those people

– a spirit that has lived recently as an animal is now a human (reincarnation) and the past life is sticking to its essence, making minor mental and spiritual shifts occur

– two spirits (one human and one other) are sharing a body, causing mental and spiritual shifts between the two

– two spirits melded before entering a person’s body, like yin and yang, so occassionally aspects of one or the other will present themselves in shifts

My theory, broken into (hopefully) easily-digested pieces:

The human species is expanding rapidly each year, far beyond any previous popullation numbers. Where do all these new human souls come from? The Divine is infinite, but even with reincarnation you have the problem of there being more humans than the previous number of souls available. The Divine could be making new souls… but!

Meanwhile, in the animal kingdom… many species are endangered or extinct. These souls would be shelved, if they were only allowed to be that one species, because if there are no new bodies to house them, they can’t be reborn.

Many of those species are common among the therian community.

My personal reincarnation belief is that we aren’t reborn as a bug one life, a human the next; I believe we’re generally moving up in awareness, with humans being the most conscious of creatures on this planet. While I agree that animals are smarter and more connected/aware of the Earth and balance than us in many cases, they aren’t at the same level of mental development (most species don’t make art, invent complex things, etc.).

That said, I think the gods have a smart recycling plan. Those spirits that were animals and can’t be reborn as such again are being born human. They have lessons learned as animals that can be taught to mankind.

Maybe enough therian spirits, self-aware or not, can lead to an environmental change through their intense understanding of the need to protect our home, Earth. Maybe there are thousands, or millions, more therians than you find online… maybe they sit around unaware of their unique nature.

I think the therians who do claim their therian side are just more aware. Many of them practice or have practiced some form of self-enlightening spirituality. I believe there are many unaware therians running around, probably many of the people drawn to environmental movements, earth-based spirituality, and the like. And I believe that some species (say, the bee) may not have been aware enough as the animal to carry over shifts or personality quirks from their life as such.

Imagine, though. A bee or an ant, born human. Most bees are worker bees. Most people are worker people, doing the smaller tasks that keep the bigger things running. Example, a night stocker at Walmart restocks the shelves, a truck driver transports those items to the store from a warehouse, a warehouse worker prepares an order for a store, a manager oversees the requisition orders for various stores, and so on.

I got off topic. Overall, though, my theory is that many of us Earth-loving people are being born with spirits who have never lived as a human before. Some of us are more aware than others, through spiritual sensitivity and species; others are less aware, due to lack of sensitivity or to a species that has little mental awareness as individuals with personalities (i.e. bees, ants).

I also believe that all of the other theories are valid. For Otherkin elves and dragons and such, perhaps those spiritual beings are being born human to bring their knowledge and energies into the Earth living experience. Otherkin are more complicated, as a vampire Otherkin isn’t so much a spirit trapped in a different body as a person with non-human needs and abilities.

NOTE: I stumbled onto therianthropy by accident in 2009. I was researching some strange feelings and energies I’d been experiencing off and on; during my searches I found someone describing a mental shift as a therian, and it matched some of what I’d been through. I resisted accepting that, because it was even beyond the average pagan weirdness. Last year, in studying totem animals with my coven, I found myself redrawn to the therian research I’d done. In meditation and random spiritual daydreaming (my favorite way to get “ah ha!” moments), I discovered I’m a snow leopard therian. I’m now wise enough to accept that, weird or not, as a part of my spiritual self. Accepting it has been a beautiful and interesting lesson so far…

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Random thoughts on vampirism

It’s late at night, and I’m mostly awake waiting for Hypnos to come tap on my shoulder and tell me it’s time. That said, I’ve had some interesting thoughts rambling around in my head for a few days that I thought I’d splat into cyberspace.

Vampirism. There are vampires that drink blood, who claim to have a physical need for the energies found in it. There are some that drink blood and take those energies for rituals of worship and empowerment. There are psychic vampires, both those that accidentally take energy and those who intentionally do so (with and without permission). Look up vampirism, dig under Anne Rice and Twilight, and there are infinite layers to the onion.

What intrigues me is the idea of psychic vampirism out of necessity. It’s said that some people fail to produce or procure the natural levels of energy most are able to each day. To compensate, these people absorb energy from people (and things) around them, filling in the empty space of their energy meters. Most of the stories I’ve heard of psychic vampires involve that “friend” that just brings you do and wears you out every time you talk; it’s never something nice.

That said, I find myself examining, er, myself. Even as a horribly shy little girl, I needed to be around people. I didn’t need to interact; I just needed to “feel” that someone was around. I had no security issues, as my mom was always home and my brother close enough in age to be my regular playmate. But as I’ve grown, I’ve found that I recognize distinct changes to my being when I’m completely alone.

When I’m alone: I have trouble sleeping, I get frazzled easily, I get listless and feel dull and lifeless, I can’t focus as well on things I normally excel at, I feel hollow, I’m prone to mood swings more easily, and so on.

When I’m around strangers or friends, this changes. If someone is within, say, 100 feet of me, it all balances out. I sleep just fine alone, if someone is in the house with me; I don’t have to hear them or see them at all, they just have to be around. Sitting in a room of strangers is soothing, the noisier, the better. I find focus and drive when someone’s within the same room, regardless of the task I’m using said focus/drive on. With my closest friends and family, I feel filled to the brim and soothed at the same time. I feel snuggly and soft and warm. And I can listen to my inner voice best when there are distractions, believe it or not.

Now, part of me recognizes that all of this can be associated with a neediness or dependency upon others. Maybe seeing a shrink would be your first suggestion. But I’m not sure if I’m getting the feelings across: I don’t feel lonely. It’s not “oh, I’m alone and sad now”. These feelings come and go without triggers or conscious recognition of my aloneness. That’s the fact that makes me go hmmmmmmm…

I’ve been researching vampirism (as a religion and spiritual practice) for another comparative theology blog. And as I read about psychic vampires and some reasons/methods out there… I just wonder, a little bit. Do I absorb something from being in a crowd that fills those holes? Is it something to do with my personal energy levels and imbalances? This is a thought exercise, not a proclamation of “I am a vampire, muuahaha!” It’s something to look at in the next couple weeks, paying attention to mood changes alone and with others, noticing what does and doesn’t shift. I’m really weird enough without adding Psychic Vampire to the list of quirks.

What are your thoughts on vampirism? As a spirituality? As a condition?

EDIT: After finding several branches of spiritual and conditional vampirism, I’ve come to believe that anyone and everyone could be considered vampiric at some level. We may not require energy from others, but we are all affected (at least subconsciously) by the energies of those around us. And when we’re down, maybe we do bring in some of the topical energy from those who improve our moods. Hmm…

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Comparative Theology

When I started my research, I had a hard time choosing three paths to look into for my paper. I know myself pretty well, so I knew my reasons were threefold.

[1] I felt intimidated and frustrated with the task. We’re supposed to go to three services for the paths we’re studying, yet for about a year now I’ve been a car-less bum. That said, I have an issue with asking someone else to drive me out of their way to do MY homework. Yet I didn’t want to choose paths based on the ease of avoiding this part of the task; I know many paths are inaccessible, car or not, but that isn’t a reason to pick them.

[2] I felt pressured. Not just by the loving nudges of my covenmates, but by the Universe. I understood that taking my First Degree would mean that my spiritual life would take a step forward, but I found myself a little overwhelmed and uncomfortable with it all. And being pushed, unfortunately, makes me dig in my heels.

[3] I had to be sure. I hate research papers for school where the topic is completely chosen for you, because they MEAN NOTHING to you. I wanted to be sure that the three paths I used for this paper would mean something to me. I knew that the amount of research I would do, being a knowledge whore, would mean taking a huge collection of information into myself. You can’t unknow a thing once it’s known, so I wanted to pick paths that I would be comfortable carrying with me. It’s happy chance that they also contain beautiful gems that I’ll incorporate into my own spiritual life.

All that said, I chose to research the Asatru, the Unitarian Universalists, and the Church of All Worlds.

The Asatru are an interesting group of pagans, or heathens (depending on who you speak to). They are very similar to other branches of paganism in their basic beliefs. All life is connected and sacred. Individuals can create personal relationships with deity without an intermediary. Theirs is not the one path all should follow. Nature is sacred, as a reflection of divinity. And so on. It’s their differences that I find most fascinating. The Asatru embrace values outside of the traditional “harm none” pagan ethos. They value strength, courage, joy, honor, freedom, loyalty to kin, realism, vigor, and the revering of our ancestors. You could argue that many pagans claim these, but I don’t think they really do, at least not deep down. For the Asatru, honor is what lends to ethical behavior. Living without honor, you are shaming not only yourself, but your ancestors. Ancestors are far more important to the Asatru as well. While most pagans will “honor” a the recently dead on Samhain (one night in the whole year), the Asatru regularly honor their bloodline from now to the beginning. They give tribute when passing a horn (similar to passing the bottle, or a chalice) to the gods AND to their ancestors. I read somewhere that you don’t own your name, but that it was gifted to you by your blood; that said, you should do your best to return it unblemished.

The Unitarian Universalists are an interesting bunch. They remind me of what you’d get if you took all the good bits in Christianity, made them completely non-denominational, and shared them with like-minded people. UUs support the idea that there is no one-true-path out there, but that certain principals are universal. Everyone has value, no one is worthless. Justice and equality are necessary, and open-mindedness that allows to positive interaction and growth. Everyone is searching for their Truth, and that search is personal and unique to each of us; UU congregations are about the free exchange of ideas and thoughts based on that search. I love their ceremonies and lessons, especially the ones they have available to the public. Every meeting, class, and worship day begins with lighting a chalice; the chalice represents what they share, while the flame represents the spark of spirit in everyone (and light in the dark). It’s a very simple but beautiful ritual; I tried it out myself for a few days, lighting a chalice before studying for this paper. The lessons they have are very universally acceptable; I’d even suggest them for a coven that wanted to expand spiritual thought beyond pagan-focused ideas. For example, there’s an entire series of lessons on spiritual practice. It covered things like physical practice (yoga, meditation) to social practice (community service as worship) to personal vs group practice (prayer beads for yourself, or an open ritual for all). They most definitely strive to ensure we all seek and find our personal path.

The Church of All Worlds has fascinated me since I first read “Stranger in a Strange Land” back in high school. They’re very much like a neutral, non-denominational pagan group at heart. It’s the specific practices and philosophies that make them unique. For one, CAW members practice “water sharing” rituals to bond with their circles (called Nests). They pass a chalice like we would, only it’s filled with water. The concept is that water is life sustaining and precious, and sharing it is a sign of deep trust and love. It reminds me of the Aiel in WoT (nerdy moment), in that the book CAW based itself on also included a scarcity of water and, therefore, a greater understanding than others of its value. CAW is also a major group in supporting polyamory, a concept based on the book as well. They don’t require Nests to be a big polyamorous family, but they definitely don’t avoid it. Love is very much a beautiful, all-encompassing thing, with many levels and forms of expression.

It’s hard, after studying all three of these paths seriously and closely for a couple months now, to pick apart pieces from the conglomeration of facts and thoughts that I’ve collected. Being pagan paths, both the Asatru and CAW have basic beliefs and ritual structures that would be familiar to us. But I found it interesting that the UU had an introductory ritual that made me think of our rituals, as well. They light their chalice to symbolize their connectivity, just as we do an altar dedication and such. CAW and UU are both philosophically like our tradition, in that they strive to allow for variety in personal practice and beliefs; CAW supports all paths while focusing on pagan paths, and UU supports individual spiritual growth while containing a lot of Christian-based philosophy and focus. The Asatru are more focused in practice, having a specific culture and pantheon that are used, but they don’t pin practitioners down to ONLY worshipping in this or that god. They allow for a variety of worship methods, as well, ranging from very generic and familiar pagan prayers of thanks to in-depth sacrifices or activities dedicated to the preferences of said god or goddess. The seasonal celebrations are different between all four paths (ours and those three), mostly due to variety. We celebrate the Wicca-European fertility cycle of eight sabbats, which CAW and the Asatru both support (and CUUPS, the pagan branch of UU). But the Asatru add many feast and honor days for various heroes, gods, and ancestors. The UU supports all religions, to the extent that they sometimes incorporate holidays from various paths into their calendar; this varies from church to church, and congregation to congregation. CAW is most like us, because they are like COG in the way they accept other traditions as practitioners of their own without forcing conformed beliefs and practices.

I can honestly say that I’ve incorporated bits and pieces of all three paths into my own personal practices, or found parts that already resonated with things in me. I’d love to write a ritual based on the water-sharing of the CAW. I’d love to include a small ritual like that of the chalice lighting at UU churches before each class, something that kind of puts everyone in the same headspace and makes the moment sacred. (I think we all need a reminder sometimes that every moment IS indeed sacred.) I would love to find a way to honor my ancestors regularly, even though they’re largely unknown to me. I think it’s easier with pictures and stories to explain who you’re honoring, but easier doesn’t mean better. I challenge myself to remember that others walked before me, opening doors I never even saw (equal rights, voting, freedoms of speech and religion, and so on). They may not be direct blood, but as the Asatru honor their Norse ancestors and people who gained honor through their deeds, I’d like to honor my American ones.
I thoroughly enjoyed the research, once I got past the reasons that were holding me back from starting this paper. I’m already starting another set of research, largely for my self and my personal growth rather than as “homework”. This was interesting.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Morality and Ethics

When the news people come around, who always finds the cameraman’s attention? The person least suited to be an accurate representation of the group he or she is speaking for. You see it in a disaster area; it’s always some uneducated ninny. It’s getting better, but often when some news group decides to look into New Age paganism, they find the MOST obnoxiously stereotypical pagan to interview (whitelighters and all).

That said, I think it’s far too easy to fall into the same trap with your own judgments.

Christians are judgmental. They base their entire moral structure on ancient (and often interpreted-as-needed) scriptures, then proceed to force it down everyone else’s throats as The Way to Be. They take no personal responsibility for any of their actions; either the Devil made them do it, or they confess and ask for forgiveness to make all well again. They are often hypocrites, saying one thing and doing another.

Generalizations S-U-C-K. Quit nodding. You’re about to feel bad for agreeing with any of that.

Christians are as varied in belief and practice as pagans are, if you take even a moment to look and even ask. This is where it helps to not just consider that conversation you had with the man who said you were going to hell because he saw your pentacle necklace; I’d like you to think of the non-confrontational examples of Christians you’ve met. If you don’t have any, find some! Many of them try to follow some pretty awesome teachings: do unto others as you would have done unto yourself, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, turn the other cheek, thou shalt not kill, love thy brother (actually, I happen to love the quote “love is gently, love is kind” from the Bible). Christianity is actually a beautiful religion, in many MANY ways. Most Christians aren’t religious enough to feel a need to even discuss their religion with others, unless the topic is brought up; they don’t often preach at anyone. Society teaches us (unfortunately) that someone else is always to blame; this isn’t a failing of Christian teachings, but a failing of the society as a whole. And hypocrisy is EVERYWHERE, even in pagan circles. *gasp*

I’ve watched pagans be judgmental. Not just of Christians, but of each other! They have their path, tradition, or branch of paganism, and anyone who dares approach it without invitation is scoffed at. For example, some traditional Wiccans (i.e. those in branches of the path that trace themselves back to its start with Gerald Gardner) will slap a pagan silly for even thinking of themselves and the word “Wiccan” in the same sentence. Or a Druid might snear at a circle that’s calling deities from their base culture.

It’s sad. Many pagans are willing to accept personal responsibility for their magickal actions, but their mundane lives stand as a separate entity. Harming none only applies to hexes, not to treating your neighbors with kindness while their dogs keep shitting in your yard. We are sometimes hypocrites, too.

This whole thought-train came from watching my circle discuss ethics. Our tradition embraces “Equal Truths, Equal Magicks”, that there is validity in EVERY path, not just the ones we like. And yet I watched us, new and old alike, talk about how Christian morality is inferior compared to pagan ethics. I listened to a discussion of morality and ethics (neither of which necessarily belonging to ANY spirituality) fall apart into a chorus of comments on the failures of Christianity and the intelligence of pagans for taking responsibility for their actions.

I’d like to say that maybe we should all take responsbility for failing our own tradition’s guidelines. I take personal responsibility for not speaking up, even as I sat there and listened and disagreed.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: there is beauty and simplicity in following a structure of moral behavior, just as there is a striking freedom and joy in following a path of personal ethics. No one path is good for everyone, and that applies to understanding right/wrong decisions as well. We aren’t all built to handle the pressure of being held accountable for every thought, word, and deed; some would break under the strain. Some of us are wired to a natural tendency to refuse to follow a rule without an explanation as to why it is so. Others are born with a need for security and structure, for rules and regulations to help guide the way. Neither is better. Remember that.