my depression is kinder now than it once was
I need you to understand
love
that I will never not be depressed
but when I’m happy
depression is the quiet found at the end of a long laugh
the ache in your bones after a wild dance is over
it’s the kiss of heat lingering on your skin
after a day at the beach
my depression reminds me to be grateful
for the moments of bright happiness
in a world so used to grey skies
some days I will wear a smile
because I love you and I’m happy
some days I will fake a smile for everyone but you
because I love you and I’m unhappy
and I will trust you to handle that kind of honesty
with your too big heart and your perfect hugs
and your willingness to sit with me
in my self-made shadows
and just breathe
Tag: Poetry / Poetic Prose
genre: anything that’s focused on poetry, poetic prose, and inspirational writings
useful and well used [poem]
you let people use you because it almost feels like love
because love is about the way two people
willingly become objects of affection for one another
allowing their bodies to break
waves of pleasure crashing on the same shore
you let people use you because it’s better than the silence
better than being useless and cast aside
better than being unloved
or unlovable
you let people use you because honestly
you have no use for yourself
no desire to be independent just to love yourself alone
lonely but too stubborn to say so
it is easier to pretend to find love in thoughtless hands
to imagine each whisper against your neck is truth
so much easier to be useful
and well used
weirdness [poem]
you deserve to be loved for all your weirdness
for the way your pulse races
with every piece of praise
or the way you flush at the sound of
a growl from your mate
or the way knotted ropes make you feel free
you deserve to find someone who
loves your strange preferences and stranger dislikes
because a good lover
will want to hear the anecdotes
that form your life’s story beginning to end
clever ruse [poem]
this is me feeding you a line and
hoping you will bite
love
praying you might buy this clever ruse
long enough
for me to shore up my walls again
this heart is an operating system [poem]
I’m going to ruin you
love
with this selfish heart
so desperate for love that
it’d drink your tears to quench this thirst
you deserve better
someone who will at least try to give you their everything
I won’t
I never will
my love is as impossible to comprehend as
the internet in its entirety
you will never read every article
click every link
my love is open source for anyone interested in
this kind of connection
an operating system
without a manual
scare you off [poem]
I’m relatively certain
I’m going to scare you off from the start
that falling in love with me is ridiculously easy
but loving me is incredibly hard
you grew up with the standard lines
the goal
to find someone to love enough to marry
to have your children with
that will never be me
I’m already married to the only person
I knew for sure would promise me forever and mean it
this isn’t a competition
because no one will ever take her place
I’ll never want to have your children
that dream dried up in my womb and died a few years ago
children are more mess than magic to me
sorry
when you fell in love with me
it probably seemed like a good idea
it wasn’t
but here you are
standing in the middle of a field
a solitary weed aching to be noticed
I see you in a wild expanse of green
a tiny flower
face tilted toward the light
my love both the sun and the soil
feeding life into everything I touch
I can’t help but wonder
what kind of heart can handle sharing mine
with the rest of the world
so naturally
love as an act of violence [poem]
there’s a certain bitter beauty in breaking a heart
blood streaked hands leaving the evidence
on everything you touch
it’s a heady power trip
the rush of knowing
that his smile is cracked because of you
that your words chip away at his ever-present confidence
wounds created as you slip past his armor
a sudden stab between the ribs
killing him just a bit
with a happy little twist of your wrist
and a smile full of teeth
drowning [poem]
it’s like the fog has lifted
and I can finally breathe
listen
I can hear my own pulse roaring through my veins
the Nile during the flood season
and it never stops
sometimes
the crashing of these emotional waters
fades into the background
friendly white noise
sometimes
all I hear is waterfall violence
and little else
negativity [poem]
I’m tired of people being ugly to each other
I’m tired of the clever back talk
and the behind your back talk
I’m tired of people laying blame
passing on their own frustrations
with their anger pointed at those unfortunate enough
to be below them
I’m tired of being force fed opinions until I choke
I’m tired of trying to stay positive
when it feels a lot like swimming through half dry concrete
sometimes
it feels a lot like drowning would be easier
I’m tired of drowning though
my lungs
heavy with the words I’ve held in this too tight chest
burning me from inside
rather than spewing out more negativity
I’m tired
I’m just so fucking tired
uncertainty [poem]
maybe cats are attracted to humans who need
to be reminded of their inherent wildness
in a world so determined
to tame everything out of us
but obedience
maybe dogs like to lick away our tears
because they remember being otters once
and the taste reminds them
of the ocean
maybe loud people carry a gene
that makes them more howler monkey than most
and their volume is meant as
both comfort
and warning
maybe I am part spider and these words are
the web I catch your feelings in
so I can feed on our mutual mindfulness
and all that noise
inside your soul
maybe you prefer absolutes and concrete facts
because anything is better than uncertainty
but maybe no one can give you that
unfocused [poem]
there are successes I do not want
opportunities I would gladly point back out that door
back the way they came
I don’t have any desire to raise myself higher
if it hollows out my green sapling of a soul
I do not want to die of shallow roots
or a lack of sunlight
my happiness is moss covered beauty
without need for cultivation
leave the carefully measured success to those
who enjoy the act of measuring
wild things like me are better off unfocused
existing for the same reason as any given tree in the forest
to take rain and soil and sun
and turn it into life
just because
wings [poem]
every one of us has wings
a way to lift ourselves up and fly
wings tattooed onto our souls
by every breath and heartbeat
they glow when we’re dancing
feathers unfurled to stir the air to our whims
dancing is so very much like flying
Las Vegas [poem]
Note: this poem was written when I woke up on October 2, 2017 to news of the Las Vegas shooting that ended 60 lives. I found it while looking through older poems, and it saddened me that I had to look up the date in order to know which shooting it referred to.
another morning
another mass shooting drips blood across my newsfeed
another pile of bodies with blood no longer pumping
another blood soaked crime scene in a place of celebration
another crowd with only a flag in common and a flag can’t stop bullets digging in or blood flowing out
another gun with bullets blind to anything but making holes in every body
another mass shooting and
another and
another
the American flag can only do so much with such troubled colors
red – the blood of too many victims to name anymore
white – the terror of eyes wide in panic at a loud sound in a crowded space
blue – the way we drown in our hurt as deep and wide as the ocean
this does not feel patriotic
only painful
Larissa Lee 