I feel depression the way your skin feels heat
in degrees of increase or decrease
that have a noticeable measure
today was definitely a chilly day
not snow storm cold but
numb fingers and stinging eyes cold
you see
today passed me by without making a scene
a blink and hours ticked away in unnoticed seconds
this is depression being kind
the gentle loss of life
as your entire existence goes a little
numb around the edges
I’m used to this
this is the kind of darkness I have a flashlight for
the kind of emptiness that is
less gaping chasm and
more blank sheet of paper
I can pick up a pen and write myself back to life
from here
Tag: Poetry / Poetic Prose
genre: anything that’s focused on poetry, poetic prose, and inspirational writings
how to mourn a toxic person in six uneasy steps [poem]
one – know there will be shock
especially if you were fortunate enough to
cut them out of your life like a cancer
before this moment
you will freeze as your reality shifts
the world a different place without them in it
two – accept that you will have a moment of anger
where you do not mourn their death
where you feel relief that they’re gone
rather than grief at their passing
there is no shame in this reflex to protect yourself
from their harmful influence
to jerk away from their reach one more time
three – regret will try to find a home in your chest
maybe your cold shoulder was an unkindness
maybe it was unjustified
and you should’ve forgiven them one more time
but now it’s too late
four – don’t reach out to their grieving family
it will only make them rage at you
when they’re already raging at the gods
for taking their loved one so soon
everyone knows
you haven’t been a part of that family for years
five – consider lighting a candle or saying a prayer
then reconsider as you recall
all the ways you can’t quite wish them well
not even in death
six – when word finally gets around
don’t comment on their passing
let those who knew only their kindness
speak of how they’ll be missed
do not force yourself to mumble platitudes
to be silent is better than to be a bad liar
afraid of you [poem]
with every month that passes
I’m more and more unsure of you
and all your eventual love
I can’t help but think
maybe you and I are better off strangers
two lives coexisting
but never crossing paths
the idea of you gets fuzzier each night
my stomach
twisted with anxiety because
maybe you’ll be a warm fire on a winter’s night
but maybe you’ll just burn me
all wildfire with no control
I’m afraid of being your too dry forest
a thirsty tree unable to avoid feeding your flames
I’m afraid of you
love
and every moment I know of you
but do not know you yet
stokes the fear higher
a wish and a prayer [poem]
I go for weeks without thinking about you
but sometimes
barely an hour goes by
before someone or something reminds me
to hold my breath
I don’t enjoy holding my breath love
my asthma and this cold winter weather
makes me breathless enough
without you
I’m tired of carrying the burden of patience
tired of keeping the door to my heart unlocked
just for you
I’d rather close up shop and move on
turn toward less important things
until the ache of your absence fades from my bones
however long that takes
I just don’t have the energy to keep waiting
on a wish and a prayer
i feel [poem]
i feel like flying high into the air…
i feel like soaring over the mountains and back again just because i can…
i feel like i’m torn between seeing the trees and seeing my love…
i feel like the world spins too slow in the summer and too fast in the winter…
i feel like life’s speeding toward my future faster than i ever imagined…
i feel like dancing until i pass out, then waking up and dancing again…
i feel like chanting the rune song into the night air…
i feel like spinning in circles, hand in hand with my sisters…
i feel like all those things…
but i can’t do them…
my wings are only in my mind…
my wings can’t take me places i haven’t been…
my heart has no decision to make, as i’ll see the trees for a time no matter what,
but i’ll return to my love…
my perception of time changes with my actions of the season…
my hopes and dreams aren’t so far off anymore…
my rhythm in my body doesn’t have that kind of stamina…
my spirit doesn’t know the rune song well enough to sing…
my sisters are far and wide, sprinkled across the earth…
i may not be able to do those things…
or maybe i can…
what are dreams for anyway?
the answer [poem]
it’s not that I’m afraid of you
but that you are starting to look at me like I’m the answer
and I’m not sure I understand the question
it’s that someone else didn’t like the answer they got
and tried to rewrite me into something else
something less than
it’s that I’m hesitant to put myself into words
to transform into something immutable and defined
just because they lack the vocabulary to comprehend my nebulous heart
it’s not that I don’t trust you
but that it’s always been safer to run than stand my ground
that it’s easier to collect pretty postcards in a drawer
than to write a love letter that
may or may not
touch a dozen hearts along the way
exposed to each curious glance with little thought
and no recourse
you are worthy [poem]
you are worthy of every good thing that happens to you
repeat this every morning to your reflection
until it feels like fact
you are allowed to be happy
even when there is nothing special to be happy about
your smile is allowed to flourish in the sunlight
without explaining itself to the lazy wilted daisies
you are full of potential the way a beach is full of sand
don’t ever think your last chance has come and gone
just shake out the other shoe
count each grain that escapes another
hidden opportunity
you are so easy to love at first sight
that puppies can’t resist the urge to kiss you
this is a super power
embrace it and do good
you are a gift on a random Tuesday
a free coffee with extra whip
some people don’t like the taste of sweet things
because they prefer to stay black coffee bitter
be sweet anyway
a world in which my love is an ocean and you are a thirsty man [poem]
the truth in 3 parts
1
I warn you about the salt
but you say you always like water with a little flavor
the science cannot sway you
2
you dive to the bottom of my coral reef before you
open up your mouth to drink
anyone can tell you this is a terrible idea but voices are just
gurgling noises underwater
3
you leave me thirstier than you started
ocean water
is an illusion of hydration
but your body will know this and keep begging for more to drink
you may die trying to swallow the entire ocean
and never quench your thirst
bonus truth
I’m sorry
Nephele [poem]
I imagine that it’s hard
being a nymph so far from your sisters
that sometimes you feel yourself
evaporating into nothingness and think
this time is the last time
you get to say goodbye
I imagine that you miss your home so much
that you can’t resist falling to pieces
your flesh turned rain
for a chance to touch the earth again
I imagine you know how fleeting life is
when yours is a constant cycle of condensation
and precipitation
and never holding still
your distant cousins live inside of gargantuan groves
the centuries passing at a slow and steady clip
while you exist in a constant state of flux
I imagine no two winds have even felt the same
across your insubstantial skin
everything happens for a reason [poem]
my mom conceived me by accident and I learned from my first breath
how nothing ever goes to plan
you have to be flexible
in elementary school my lungs gummed themselves up at random
so I could know what it feels like to lose your breath
for all the wrong reasons
I learned how to appreciate the days
when this body worked perfectly
because they were scattered between days of
wheezing inhale and exhale
there is peace in a deep and quiet breathing
my first love spun a web worthy of a daytime soap opera
and I hung there helplessly tangled for months
the threads drawing out a lesson in how love is beautiful
but deadly to the unsuspecting butterfly hearts that land in it
my heart played merry go round with the kinds of guys
you don’t take home to mama
in their touch I discovered my own sweet solace
and how it tasted next to bitter bodies and hopeless hurts
I reached adulthood in the arms of the wrong kind of man
and knew it from the start but
I held him close anyway
his soul became the broken mirror that taught me
how to see my own cracks clearly
my womb refused to let a baby bloom
my body more funeral parlor than funhouse
but I realized how much my dreams had changed
when the old ones refused to take root in infertile soil
I called it my backhanded blessing and swallowed down the resentment
of having no choice in this
my entire life fit itself into the trunk of a car
and ran away to the coast
to get lost in the wilderness of small town America
I found new reasons to live
in the emptiness of starting over
these scars are a reminder
of the lessons that led me here to this
and I’m grateful for every mark
every phantom pain
going through the motions [poem]
when I started writing these poems
Love
I admit I was just
going through the motions of prayer
without really expecting an answer
call these love letters catharsis
a way to lessen the ache when loneliness
knots up my back until I can’t sleep at night
you are the sheep I count to find a way to sleep at night
you are a dream
the kind that always leaves me
wide awake at dawn
magic [poem]
it’s been a long time since I knew the rush of magic
tell me
what is it like to touch a body seeped in
moonlight and mystery?
have you seen the face of a goddess and trembled
at the curl of her lip?
has your agnostic heart learned to beat out a hallelujah
in my name?
a pessimist at heart [poem]
I am a pessimist in sheep’s clothing
a firm believer in preparing for the worst
because if you consider every possible outcome
and plan around the biggest failure
handling any success becomes a million times easier
I will love you with the fullness of a sunflower in June
and I will be ready for you to leave at a moment’s notice
I will never expect you to stay
pessimism is always watching the pretty blue sky for rain clouds
even as I murmur your name against your skin
I’m sorry if my lack of faith offends you
but love has proven itself a complicated game
the rules ever changing
the players never quite on the same page
is it any wonder
I’ve learned to prepare myself to lose
just in case I’ve misplaced my pieces on the board again?
Larissa Lee 