my depression is kinder now than it once was
I need you to understand
love
that I will never not be depressed
but when I’m happy
depression is the quiet found at the end of a long laugh
the ache in your bones after a wild dance is over
it’s the kiss of heat lingering on your skin
after a day at the beach
my depression reminds me to be grateful
for the moments of bright happiness
in a world so used to grey skies
some days I will wear a smile
because I love you and I’m happy
some days I will fake a smile for everyone but you
because I love you and I’m unhappy
and I will trust you to handle that kind of honesty
with your too big heart and your perfect hugs
and your willingness to sit with me
in my self-made shadows
and just breathe
Tag: Love / Heartbreak
obviously any poems about love, heartbreak, and relationships
useful and well used [poem]
you let people use you because it almost feels like love
because love is about the way two people
willingly become objects of affection for one another
allowing their bodies to break
waves of pleasure crashing on the same shore
you let people use you because it’s better than the silence
better than being useless and cast aside
better than being unloved
or unlovable
you let people use you because honestly
you have no use for yourself
no desire to be independent just to love yourself alone
lonely but too stubborn to say so
it is easier to pretend to find love in thoughtless hands
to imagine each whisper against your neck is truth
so much easier to be useful
and well used
weirdness [poem]
you deserve to be loved for all your weirdness
for the way your pulse races
with every piece of praise
or the way you flush at the sound of
a growl from your mate
or the way knotted ropes make you feel free
you deserve to find someone who
loves your strange preferences and stranger dislikes
because a good lover
will want to hear the anecdotes
that form your life’s story beginning to end
clever ruse [poem]
this is me feeding you a line and
hoping you will bite
love
praying you might buy this clever ruse
long enough
for me to shore up my walls again
this heart is an operating system [poem]
I’m going to ruin you
love
with this selfish heart
so desperate for love that
it’d drink your tears to quench this thirst
you deserve better
someone who will at least try to give you their everything
I won’t
I never will
my love is as impossible to comprehend as
the internet in its entirety
you will never read every article
click every link
my love is open source for anyone interested in
this kind of connection
an operating system
without a manual
scare you off [poem]
I’m relatively certain
I’m going to scare you off from the start
that falling in love with me is ridiculously easy
but loving me is incredibly hard
you grew up with the standard lines
the goal
to find someone to love enough to marry
to have your children with
that will never be me
I’m already married to the only person
I knew for sure would promise me forever and mean it
this isn’t a competition
because no one will ever take her place
I’ll never want to have your children
that dream dried up in my womb and died a few years ago
children are more mess than magic to me
sorry
when you fell in love with me
it probably seemed like a good idea
it wasn’t
but here you are
standing in the middle of a field
a solitary weed aching to be noticed
I see you in a wild expanse of green
a tiny flower
face tilted toward the light
my love both the sun and the soil
feeding life into everything I touch
I can’t help but wonder
what kind of heart can handle sharing mine
with the rest of the world
so naturally
love as an act of violence [poem]
there’s a certain bitter beauty in breaking a heart
blood streaked hands leaving the evidence
on everything you touch
it’s a heady power trip
the rush of knowing
that his smile is cracked because of you
that your words chip away at his ever-present confidence
wounds created as you slip past his armor
a sudden stab between the ribs
killing him just a bit
with a happy little twist of your wrist
and a smile full of teeth
this is what’s left [poem]
you and I stand on opposite ends
of the same burnt bridge
and I’m not saying
you poured gasoline on it
or struck a match
but a careless cigarette butt is
just as dangerous
when you flick it out the window
onto the dry grass
and you never looked back to see it
burning
and here we are
smoke gone
ashes scattered by the wind and seasons
and this
is what’s left
a reckless river full of rocks
and the bones of our friendship
somewhere at the bottom
wild love [poem]
the first time I come out as polyamorous
I’m only loud about it in safe spaces
surrounded by my family of quirky friends
and a community of weirdos
used to self exploration leading down
the winding uncut paths often overlooked
the eleventh time I come out as polyamorous
I’ve got a system in place
I know how to time it just right
give someone this new word to explain
the pieces of my backstory
they suddenly find fitted together in
an unfamiliar pattern
the forty fifth time I come out as polyamorous
it’s mostly an afterthought
as I realize my effort to flirt is brushed off
my married status confused with monogamy
as if I belong to anyone but myself
I paint a wild love across my lips
and beg him to kiss it off
polyamory [poem]
polyamory is never being the forever love
in a world that promises
a one true match for each of us
it is the act of accepting transience in love
for the rest of your life
even when you know it means
everyone will leave eventually
it is the terrifying reality
of tiptoeing between the landmines in a lover’s mind
the ones other people put there to keep you out
and it’s knowing you may clear the field of danger
just in time
for someone else’s forever to begin
without you in it
polyamory is so many loves like stars
but also the vast stretches of black loneliness
between them
it is never easy
maybe [poem]
maybe if I stay silent
you’ll come looking for me
maybe if I keep quiet
you’ll miss my laughter
maybe if I hide here
you’ll come looking for me
maybe if I wander away
you’ll realize what you’ve lost
or maybe not
love [poem]
is it cowardice to call this
warmth toward others
love
knowing it will make falling for you
that much easier
to recover
from?
hypotheticals [poem]
you made me talk to my wife in hypotheticals
your presence
awakening enough of a reaction in me
to need a discussion
polyamory is about communication and
she and I are experts at words
she approves
adding only a vague reminder that
being a secondary love interest doesn’t work
for some people
Larissa Lee 