Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Proudly Oathbound

The new moon of February is here, and it’s a special time. This is the time when, each year, members of my tradition retake their oaths. In my case, that means retaking both my Dedicant and First Degree oaths.

We do this as a reminder. The oaths you make along your path are important, and refreshing them annually reminds you of where you’ve come from, where you’re going, and why you’re traveling in that general direction. It lets you review your path and make changes if you’ve gotten stuck in a rut.

I realized several years ago just how seriously I take oaths, without meaning to do so on a conscious level. When I take an oath (be it a personal dedication to a goddess, a coven oath, or a marriage vow), my spirit takes in the words and treats them almost like the Aes Sedai’s oaths made on the Oath Rod; as they’re sealed onto the women themselves, so my oaths are bound to me.

[[FYI, that’s a Wheel of Time reference… probably one of the only ones I’ll make in my life.]]

Sure, I’m technically capable of ignoring an oath deliberately or accidentally. It’s physically possible for my to actively chose to ignore them. However, I just don’t. Period.

When I left my coven a few years ago, I could’ve stayed within our tradition as an initiate. However, my oaths included a promise not to teach those who were not prepared properly. For me, that meant that teaching my roommate or writing a book that could potentially teach anyone both bent that oath to breaking; it felt wrong in that context, as an oathbound initiate of a tradition. The only solution was to leave the tradition entirely, removing all oaths in the process.

Having returned a year ago to my tradition and coven, I still take my oaths as seriously as I did back then. I feel them in my bones, and they never fail to float through my mind when I consider the same things (teaching a friend, writing a book, and so forth). The difference is that, as someone seeking eventual leadership within our tradition and the pagan community at large, I know I can approach my Elders and ask for guidance regarding any projects or lessons I might want to start. I can verify that my oaths allow my actions, and I can keep my honor intact.

[[Now I’m sounding more like the Aiel. AAHHH! I haven’t read those books since the first time,]. No, seriously! Some things just stick with you, I guess…]]

Actually, this reflects my studies on Asatru and other Norse traditions; in those cultures, your honor is passed down from your ancestors and kept pristine by your honorable behavior. Breaking an oath is dishonorable, the same way breaking a promise during childhood was a betrayal of trust. Neither situation can be easily remedied, because trust and honor can’t be instantly repaired; they will always hold a residue of memory from the breaking.

As I retake my oaths tonight, standing in circle of my own free will, it will serve as a reminder that I am a child of the gods, a seeker, a student and a teacher, and above all else…

I am proudly oathbound.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

What great work am I here for? – Spiritual Contemplation

I’ve been thinking about spirituality a lot lately.

Our coven is about to open for new students again, and this time feels special. It’s not so much that I’m expecting anyone in particular to join up, or that I think we’re going to cover a bunch of new ground. Rather, it’s that I feel the difference in me.

I’ve talked about this before. We (humans) are creatures of habit. We are quick to decide the truth about ourselves and then stop looking. My simplified example is your favorite color. Mine was purple when I was little, a reflection of both my love of darker tones and my birth stone. I claimed purple without any thought on every questionaire, every conversation, and every “about me” section on a profile. It wasn’t until I turn 21 or so that I realized it wasn’t true; I liked purple still, but when deciding on a single color to use for something (a new shirt, my profile text, etc.) I chose green. Green was my new favorite color, and I hadn’t even realized it.

Spirituality can be the same, sometimes. We get into this place where we’ve done some serious soul-searching and found some answers… and so we decide that’s it. The truth is A, B, and C – in that order. It comes as a somewhat unpleasant surprise, then, when the Universe tosses everything we think we know about ourselves right out the window, forcing us to start from scratch again.

What does that have to do with our coven opening up for new students?

We call the first year of lessons the Rainbow Year, because we touch on a full spectrum of subjects to give students an overview of paganism in general and more specifically an overview of our tradition. We cover things like pagan history, general practices and beliefs, gods and goddesses, tools, the wheel of the year, and so on.

For years, these lessons have felt more like mindless repetition than an exercise in learning. However, that’s completely my fault. I’ve become complacent in my beliefs, failing to examine and re-examine my path as I walk it. I’ve stopped trying to reach further and deeper when covering those fundamental lessons; instead, I’ve embraced a form of mindless boredom.

I’m done with that.

This year, I’m going to dive into our Rainbow classes as if I’ve never been there before. It’s time to rediscover who I am, who I want to be, and where I’m walking on this path of mine. Some of the new (and terrifying) truths about myself have already come out, turning me into the biggest puzzle I’ve ever faced.

To put the pieces together, I’ve come up with trackers. I’ve been journaling almost daily, with some of it remaining private just to allow the words to flow out completely unfiltered. I’m going to take notes in each class, as if I were attending a college course again; I’m going to combine them and the current notes to create what I’d consider the vital information from each lesson. I’ll be doing research to help with this, seeking out the old and the new to figure out where I stand. Throughout the process, I’ll continue to work on my pagan book project; the writing and reflection from it will fit in nicely with redefining myself.

I’m not letting 2015 go to waste, because this is the first time in a very long time that I’ve faced numbered days to reach a goal. Losing everything I’d had planned for my future lit a fire under my ass. I feel like the Universe has challenged me, again, by taking what I thought I knew about myself and turning it on its head.

What am I?
What do I believe?
What great work am I here for?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Comparative Theology (Round 2): Jediism, Kopimism, and Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF)

I’ve been putting off my research for comparative theology until now, hoping that my health would improve and make the thought of being in random public places tolerable. I’d been considering a trip to a coworker’s Christian church, as well as the Buddhist temple on the edge of Killeen. That being said, I’m tired of waiting to be healthy enough for travel; I’ve decided to explore some smaller, quirkier paths instead.

The paths I’ve decided to research are Jediism, Ár nDraíocht Féin (Neopagan Druidry), and the Missionary Church of Kopimism. I chose these groups for mixed reasons. Jediism just sounded interesting; I may be a Trekkie, but I like the idea that people can find spirituality in science fiction and fantasy genres. I’ve run across the ADF many times on blogs and sites I’ve visited, but I’ve never really looked into what they practice or stand for. Kopimism is a strange little Swedish church I ran across while googling randomness; I liked the philosophy I saw on Wikipedia, so I decided to dive further.

Jediism – http://www.templeofthejediorder.org/doctrine-of-the-order

Right off the bat, I was intrigued to see how many of the items listed in the Jedi doctrine fit with my own beliefs. They’re reminiscent of the beliefs of Asatru as well, when it comes to protecting others, honor, and wise action. The Temple of the Jedi Order has an elaborate online system for training Novices, and my perusal of their sections made me want to actually follow through and complete them! For example, the first lesson in the Novice level is Myth, and it uses audio/video from Joseph Campbell interviews to discuss the importance of myth. Journaling is key, and I find a strong familiarity in that compared to my own Rainbow Year with the coven.

If I had never heard of Jedis or Star Wars, I might’ve thought this path to be a good fit for myself. The combination of pacifism and activism is well balanced, at least in theory. They talk about equality and protecting others on one hand, then emphasize cautious in over-action on the other. Don’t march off into a fight, choose your battles accordingly, etc. The Force is essentially the same as saying “the Universe”, as both are generally a term explaining the huge interconnected existence we live in. In a way, Jediism reflects parts of animism; you respect the earth, other creatures, and people as they are connected to you and deserving of positive treatment. A few random beliefs unique to Jediism include:

  • Explicit rejection of torture, cruel/unusual punishment, and the death penalty – this isn’t commonly pinned down in religions, as personal views usually take precedent
  • A focus on social and legal justice and equality, including equal rights for women, LGBTQ, and other religions – they distinctly mention the need for separation of church and state
  • Teachings that focus on ideas both secular and spiritual in nature – for example, a Jedi is expected to be patient, understand their limitations, and guard peace in whatever way they can (helping others, using their skills wisely). There are Jedi who use the path as a secular guidance system, focusing on how to better themselves and society through being a good example and through good actions.

I have noticed in my research that they aren’t really ones to use ritual and ceremony for religious expression. They have sermons and meditations, as well as reciting parts of their doctrine or creed. In this way, they’re more similar to small church Christianity and Unitarian Universalism in the act of sharing thoughts and philosophies with the community but practicing most spiritual aspects internally or in private.

Ár nDraíocht Féin – http://www.adf.org

I’ve heard of ADF many times on blogs and forums over the years. Not being particularly drawn to Celtic or Welsh deities, though, I tend to scroll on by and look for whatever I’m actually seeking. That said, ADF is actually a very open pagan path, compared to the more strictly guided path I expected from druidry (old or new).

ADF beliefs encompass many of the usual pagan ideas: spirit is everywhere, religious freedom is a must, and we each hold the power to fix and change the world around us (as opposed to needing intermediaries or supplications to a god/goddess for assistance).

Certain religious/ritual practices are familiar-but-different. Rituals are held with open circles, which are sometimes used by other pagan paths like ours; however, the ADF primarily use open circles rather than using them for open rituals or special circumstances. Another familiar practice is the use of ritual liturgy and special words/prayers in ritual. ADF rituals have several groups they make offerings to, something that aligns with reconstructionist groups like Hellenismos more than with groups like Circle of the Midnight Rose. They offer to poetic inspiration, the Outdwellers (troublesome spirits, asked to leave), kindred, the gods, and so forth; in a way, it reads like an Asatru sumbel, toasting various beings and ancestors in honor of their assistance and ongoing blessings.

The most interesting thing I found with ADF is the inclusion of other pantheons. I’d always assumed (from my skimming online) that ADF rituals were always centered on the Gaelic/Welsh/Celtic pantheons. Instead, I’ve found that they allow for the worship of any pantheon; I ran across ADF-approved Hellenic rituals, calls to Zeus and the like. Wow! The core importance in ritual practice is to follow a basic ADF ritual format, rather than to worship specific deities.

It was weird to find a pagan path that rejects (or at least doesn’t use) the traditional four elements in ritual or beliefs. Instead of earth/air/fire/water, they recognize the three realms of sky, land, and sea. In a way, this is beautiful; it reflects the natural world almost better than the usual elements, as we can more easily see and experience those three realms (directly rather than symbolically). They also reflect scientific reality more directly as solid, liquid, and gas. I’ve heard people add plasma to make the four-element layout fit into scientific measures of reality, but they always seem a little forced.

Missionary Church of Kopimism – http://kopimistsamfundet.se/english/

Kopimism is… interesting. The idea is that all knowledge should be freely copied and shared, allowing mankind to grow and flourish with the all-encompassing access to information. In a way, this idea matches the non-spiritual comments from Aaron Swartz (who posted copyrighted articles from journals so that the often tax-funded research would be accessible to those who paid for it). Now, Kopimi practices believe all restrictions on sharing are bad; laws about copyright and pirating are considered “sinful” as it were, because they infringe on this ideal of information for all.Another key part of Kopimism is the integration of science and religion. Some discuss the seasons as a reflection of the Kopimi (“copy me”) beliefs.

  • Spring is creativity. New life is everywhere (the copying of genes into a new generation).
  • Summer is copying. A seed grows into a plant, and that plant produces copies of itself in a multiplying number on and on. Fertility and sex are both tied to that process.
  • Autumn is collaboration. Harvest is a way of working together, and so is the collaboration to create or complete projects.
  • Winter is quality. It’s a time for reflection, as winter is a time when natural selection weeds out those strong enough to survive through until spring. It shows that only quality DNA will continue to be copied.

As you can see, these beliefs fit modern paganism quite easily; they also match the natural science of the seasons. I found a Kopimist Gospel, a PDF (freely shared, of course) covering the Kopimi ideals. For example, there are seven historical milestones: fire, language, culture, writing, the printing press, science, and the internet. Each served a purpose toward people being able to copy knowledge and move forward, growing as a species in the process. It’s a beautiful way to look at natural selection and human evolution. Look: “A child learns her first words by copying her parents, just like they once did with theirs. The language belongs to all and none, and that is what gives it value. The more a language is shared, the more valuable it becomes for those who share it. ” That totally makes sense!

In a way, Kopimism fits into any broader spiritual practice. While it stands as a religion on its own (at least in Sweden), it recognizes diversity in a way that allows for the adding of parts and rituals from other sources; there’s an entire section in the gospel and various forums on how “the swarm” (i.e. the majority of Kopimists) will accept or reject an addition with time and use/disuse, because religion is meant to change and grow with its practitioners. Now THAT I can stand by! There isn’t a bunch of complaining or arguing over the proper way to be a Kopimi, unlike the “witch wars” of modern paganism.

Overall

These paths are all interesting and unique in their own right, yet all three allow for a practitioner to be both a pagan (Wiccan, Hellenist, witch, etc.) and a member of these paths. Even atheists are welcome, in a fashion, if they feel the philosophies and practices of these paths fit their personal philosophies. None of these paths require an exact belief in deity; instead, they focus on self-discovery, growth, and community support.

There are plenty of similarities between Equitas Veneficii and the above paths. Seeking personal growth, helping others, and a focus on balance/equality fit in nicely with us all. The level of inclusiveness and community supported also matches between the above mentioned paths and EV trad. In ritual, we do differ; EV trad is very much a Wiccan-influenced witchcraft path, compared to the less ritual-heavy elements of Kopimism or Jediism. The ADF have more similarities in their ritual practices, as they hold rituals on the same days and for some of the same reasons as our tradition.

I’d like to explore these paths further over time. In my previous comparative theology research, I was able to use (or attempt) ritual aspects from my chosen paths. In a way, I’ve already done so with Kopimism. I’ve an avid believer in shared experiences and knowledge, so I research and (as they say it) “kopy” information regularly for my own growth and development. Technically, the act of researching and writing this essay (while copying and including the links to my sources) is a form of “kopyacting” or copying something with the intent to continue its existence and make it available to others.

If I were more interested in Star Wars, I’d sincerely consider studying toward apprenticeship within Jediism. While the church isn’t focused on the movies or franchise as a whole, I can’t get past the name and references without my inherent Trekkie bias causing me to wrinkle my nose. The path itself is wonderful, and I might consider revisiting it in the future. If you removed the words “Jedi” and “Force”, everything else was completely familiar and agreeable with my own beliefs and practices.

I might try creating a small ADF-style ritual. Having studied and tested out Asatru previously, the concept of offerings to ancestors and spirits throughout ritual isn’t new; in fact, the hardest part of potentially trying out ADF format is the removal of familiar pieces like the four elements and circle casting. There’s a balance to be struck in feeling like a ritual rather than creating a mild meditation with mead; you’d have to ensure the liturgy and ritual actions fit with whatever focus you’d chosen, in order to make the ritual a cohesive and complete ritual.

As a side note, I find myself more and more inclined to study and try out new practices. It feels like trying on a new outfit at the store. I may not buy it (or buy into the practices long term), but I get a good look at something new and possibly change other aspects of my own practices in the process (like deciding I love to accessorize with infinity scarves, even though I didn’t buy that gorgeous one from Earthbound make out of beads – maybe I prefer thin fabric instead). I’m also a bit of a knowledge dragon, hoarding away tidbits of information without any real expectation of it being directly useful to me, ever.

As I face an approaching move to Washington and the changes that entails, I find myself more focused on figuring out what I want with my life – be it emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have a year to work on my path here, before time and distance make me a solitary practitioner of the EV trad. Reflecting on that, I’ve found the desire to return to the point I was teetering on previously, and then I’d like to follow through and seek second degree. Finally.

Growth and change are good!

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [writer stuff]

Winning NaNoWriMo, and the road ahead

I did it! I successfully wrote 50K words in the month of November. Now I have a relatively horrid rough draft of a story, and access to a cute little digital sticker to prove my writer’s worth.

Honestly, I’m slightly impressed. I was correct to think that it would be similar to writing in my blog daily, so the word count itself wasn’t as killer as it could’ve been. The bigger issue was deciding where to take the story, especially as huge parts were redone in the middle; I found myself wanting to go back and redo the entire beginning just to correct it all, but I resisted the siren’s call of editing and pushed through to the end instead.

I haven’t reread it yet, either. I was using multiple small documents due to where and when I was writing, so I never had a chance to see everything all together. I figure I’ll wait until our winter break to go back and read that I vomited onto the keyboard; maybe I can salvage a story out of the wreckage? We’ll see.

In the meantime, I’ve been able to pursue intellectual efforts (code word for studying when it doesn’t involve school work). I’m working on runes right now, having finally heard them talk to me. It only took a decade for them to call my name! I’ve had the shapes and names memorized for ages, because I used them for code in high school; however, it was only recently that they held allure as a divinatory tool. I’ve been studying Greek spirituality for so long that it feels weird to move over to the Norse pantheon, but it’s a comfortable kind of weird that comes with immersion into something new.

Back in 2006, I remember studying a bit about Seax Wica. It’s a branch of Wicca created loosely around the Norse pantheon, and I found myself really attracted to many of its key ideas. For example, one maxim would be “Love is the Law, Love is the bond.” I couldn’t connect to the gods of the pantheon at the time, but the rituals and such really spoke to me. Just a few years ago, I also studied the Asatru traditions for my comparative theology paper. Again, certain aspects resonated with me (the Nine Noble Virtues, for example) and stayed in my mind long after I was done researching the topic.

And so, we circle back.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments], [witchcraft & wonder]

Expired Dreams, or What’s Your Favorite Color (Really)?

Age 5: My favorite color is purple.

Age 10: My favorite color is purple. It matches my birthstone.

Age 15: My favorite color is purple. It’s the color of magic and mystery, and it matches my birthstone by coincidence.

Age 20: My favorite color is purple. It always has been. It matches my birthstone amethyst, which happens to be my favorite witchy crystal to work with. It makes me think of magic and midnight.

Age 25: Hmm… you know what? I like purple, but if you favorite color is the one you’d use to decorate your house, paint your car, redo your wardrobe, and even put in your hair… my favorite color would have to be green. Any shade of green.

Sometimes the things we like and want in our lives are repeated to others out of habit. It’s like you figure out your answer to a particular question (What’s your favorite color?) and then reuse that answer for the rest of forever.

Yet… in taking a moment to reflect on it, you find yourself with a new answer and confusion over when exactly the shift occurred. The above is a simple example, true for myself. I always said and felt that purple was my favorite color, up until the moment it suddenly wasn’t anymore.

Is there some kind of spot-check we’re supposed to do, to verify that all of our preferences and dreams are up-to-date and unexpired?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Ugly Birds

Pigeons.

Seagulls.

Crows, and ravens.

I’ve always loved the “ugly” birds. I love their loud caws and boisterous antics. I love their fluttering underfoot, undaunted by humanity flowing around them. I love their resilience, the way they’re persistent in staying where they want to live, regardless of our desire for clean statues and nest-free buildings. I love their wildness, so close you can touch it. I love their ability to live off our trash, to scavenge from the junk and make it work.

It’s fitting, then, that my new pagan name has stepped up and given me a reminder of their beauty.

Koraki.

Koh-RAH-key. In Greek, it’s a raven or crow. In reality, it’s Google translate and a friend’s random decision to swype a word unasked.

My legal last name is amazingly similar. Corichi (Koh-REE-chee). It’s my ex-husband’s last name, so I only use it when legally obligated, but I love having something so similar to rinse away the grime of bad choices and make me smirk.

The original reason for finding Koraki was in looking up “raven”, not “crow”. I like that it means both, though. I love the idea of embracing the ugly birds, of being one of them. Beautiful, playful, simple, loud. Alive.

My initial reaction to the name “Koraki” was intrigue, a pull on my spirit before I even heard the translation. It felt right without any definition. Meditation and tarot readings have since re-emphasized the feeling of rightness, but that initial gut feeling is something I take above all else; instincts led me to my first pagan name Maluna, after all, before I had any explanation or understanding of what it would mean down the road.

I’m looking forward to growing into Koraki. I had the name Maluna for 15 years, starting at the very beginning of my pagan path. I can’t help but wonder how long Koraki will be with me.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Choices

There are always choices.

I could bottle it all back up. Pretend we never discussed the possibility. Return to business as usual. I could push it all away. Disconnect from the feelings, and find distance. Logic myself out of trouble. I could move forward. Push the issue, take a chance that I’ll succeed. Take a chance that I’ll fail.

It’s always about you.
What’s best for you.
What’s easiest for you.
What will make you happy.

I can’t not focus on that. I try.

I tried to make you take the lead, until I saw your discomfort. I couldn’t just let you struggle to explain things. And I couldn’t let you stumble into something deeper than you were asking for, so I had to be honest. I did so knowing it’d suck, that you’d change your mind. Knowing the happiness you want is different from what I have to give.

Polyamory is stupid, and difficult, and frustrating, and awe-inspiring.

I’ve never loved people so deeply, or so unconditionally, or so eternally. It’s painfully beautiful, the way I feel every day toward so many different people. It’s looking up into the night sky and realizing how intimately connected I am to the entire Universe, to every star and speck of dust.

Overwhelming. It’s completely overwhelming.

I can’t not love someone just to make them more comfortable. I can’t lie like that, not with a heart so ridiculously open. And I can’t be sorry for loving people, either. My love isn’t a weapon, or leaverage, or a leash, or a contageous disease. It’s the feeling of happiness at another’s existence. It’s resonating, spirit to spirit, energy to energy. It’s glowing when you think of a specific person, place, or thing. It’s the glue that holds us all together.

I’m frustrated. No choice is a perfect choice. If I bottle everything back up, I’m lying to myself and pretending that nothing’s changed; the whole reason I was able to curl into myself before was in the face of complete disinterest and rejection. If I push everything away, it risks losing parts of our friendship that hold the deepest connection; after all, being close friends is why I fell in love in the first place. If I take a chance and ignore your decision to back down, I risk alienating you and other friends; I could succeed, but it could also blow up in my face.

I’ve written this journal entry a dozen times, deleting line after line of indecisiveness for weeks. I’m not a private, quiet person; it’s unnatural for me to keep my thought-trains and internal debates completely to myself. I respect your privacy, but I also respect my right to speak. That’s why this whole thing is so iceburg: a surface peak only, no glance at the real scope of things. I wonder if this is all a test from the Universe and, if so, which way my lesson is supposed to head.

Or maybe the Trickster has taken a liking to me?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [witchy reviews]

Ethics: Sex

This discussion and questions come from Chapter 7: Sex in When, Why… If by Robin Wood.

[Previous posts in this Ethics series are: Personal Ethics: an introduction, Ethics: Honesty, Ethics: Self, Ethics: Love, Ethics: Help, and Ethics: Harm.]

Introduction

Sex! Woohoo!

Sexuality is a complex topic. I personally believe that everyone lives on a four dimensional graph of possible sexual identities and preferences. In others words, there is no Type A, Type B, or Type C. We’re all different colors of humanity.

Rereading my answers to this chapter makes me giggle. I’ve redone them, though, to reflect the person I am now.

[1] My idea of perfect sex would be…

…love and fun! Why so serious?!

[2] My sexual bias is…

…complicated. Sex and love are very tied together for me, but gender doesn’t play a big role in that equation.

[3] My parent’s attitude about sex was… 

…prudish. They’re both very straight-laced, vanilla people. For their sake, I won’t go into any details; let’s just say that my mother and I discussed sexuality after I got married in my early adult years, and it’s the truth.

My dad hates homosexuality, or at least he did last I heard. I swung in the opposite direction, embracing equality and openness when I faced his closed judgement of others. My mom, on the other hand, has always said “whatever floats their boat” about the choices of others. She’s always been a good guide for me; I consider many of my personal ethics to have been directly molded by her attitudes.

[4] The part of sex I am most comfortable with is…

…kissing. Even when I was an inexperienced sexual noob, I enjoyed kissing. I’ve never felt lost or confused or intimidated by kissing. It’s also the most exciting lead-up activity for sex, in my personal opinion.

[5] The part of sex I am least comfortable with is…

…the first time with a new partner. I’m always afraid that they’ll be unimpressed, that the things I thought I did well before were just preferences of a previous partner (rather than generally-enjoyable activities for anyone). It’s intimidating to face a new person and not know what makes them tick.

[6] Sex is wrong when…

…anyone is coerced, forced, or under the influence. A drunk yes is still a no, in my book! Under-aged partners are a grey area, depending on age differences and laws; generally, I agree with the societal limits placed on these situations.

[7] Sex is right when…

…everyone is completely willing. Now, there are places and times where sex isn’t a good idea (i.e. at a playground, in the middle of the street, and so forth). Generally, though, these things are common sense.

[8] If I have sex with someone, it means…

…I love them and wanted to express it physically. I’ve never had sex with a stranger or someone I didn’t love; it’s always been friends or people who’d already entered into a relationship with me. There’s no such thing as a “friend zone” in my life, unless you mean the place I choose partners from!

That said, I don’t mean love as in commitment, devotion, and all that jazz. I mean my own definition of love: being happy when someone else is around me. So sex is an expression of that happiness. See [9] for more details.

[9] What makes sex a holy act?

I strongly believe that “all acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals”. Sex is an expression of love and joy, and I believe it pleases the gods when done without causing harm (see “Sex is wrong when…”). Sex can be used in magic, too, to raise some major energy; I don’t personally have the desire or focus to try anything like that right now, but it’s an intriguing subject to read about!

[10] Who benefits the most from sex?

Both parties (should) benefit from sex. It’s all about balance and fairness, in my book. Now, sometimes that means one person has an awesome time that morning, while the other gets some serious attention that night… but let’s not get too picky over the details.

Final Thoughts

Love and sex have been an area of personal growth for me these past few years. I went from being a monogamous straight girl to a polyamorous woman in the middle of a complex relationship web. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Earlier today, though, it was funny to analyze myself and realize just how far from “normal” my life and relationships have shifted. If the Regulars in my life (coworkers, customers, etc.) caught a true glimpse of what I’ve got going on, they’d probably think I’d lost my mind. Again, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Who wants to be normal, anyway?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Logic vs Passion

My dad always told me that I should become a doctor, a lawyer, or maybe an accountant. After all, I’m too smart to do anything that doesn’t make good money.

I, on the other hand, have always believed that you should follow your passions first. Money doesn’t buy happiness, just food and shelter.

The problem is figuring out your passions. There are only three things I’ve ever loved enough to study with any specificity: spoken word poetry, modern paganism, and Greek mythology. None of them is a money-maker, so why bother to get a college degree?

I’ve thought about it long and hard, especially when I meet someone who’s passionate about something; I feel the heat of the fire of their excitement, and it’s awe-inspiring. I feel empty when that happens, like my fire’s gone out.

I know it hasn’t. It’s just hard to justify the desire to be a priestess to someone who wants to be a marine biologist, or a nurse, or an engineer. Those careers are real; they serve a purpose.

That’s my dad speaking. He’s loud.

I get it, too. Logically, he wanted his baby girl to be well-provided for, with or without a man in her life. And logically, the idea of me pursuing a well-paid position is in my best interests, as it ensures my well-being and gives me security (and more financial wiggle room).

At the heart of the issue is this: how do I move past internal doubts and love the path I’m walking?

I’ve found the easiest way to quiet that Spock-like inner voice is to flip logic on its head. Forget how well I learn math, or how quickly I catch onto new concepts and tasks. It doesn’t matter if my hands are as steady as a surgeon’s, or I know how to arguing technicalities like a lawyer. None of those things lights my fire. Not a single one.

I’m a poet and storyteller, because my words bring joy and comfort and entertainment to those I care enough to share with. I study to become a priestess, because my spirit wants to help others soar as high as I have thanks to all the freedom I’ve found on my path. I study Greek mythology, because you’d never guess how useful a good allegory can be in guiding people home from their sad wanderings.

I’m trying to be that goddamned light I want to see in the world!

That’s enough.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

Following Directions

There was this one time in elementary school that I clearly remember (with dread). Our teacher handed our a worksheet, saying only “follow the directions” and leaving us to it. Being the quick, smart, and overly-trusting person I was, I began to do the worksheet. It included little things, like drawing a flower on the back and multiplying some large numbers, as well as bigger things like walking one lap around the room. I wasn’t the first or only person to do each step, but it was still humiliating to get the final one and find out it was all a trick! The very first instruction, before #1, was “read this worksheet all of the way through before you start”.

First of all, I never trusted a teacher like that again. As a perfectionist (especially as a young child), I was humiliated and heartbroken to have been fooled into such an obvious, public mistake. I was painfully shy as well, adding a layer of frustration to the whole process.

However, I’ve learned the hard lesson to look before I leap… without having to fall into something far worse than the laughter of my peers.

That said, I’m still not one for following instructions all of the time. If I know that something usually works with Method #1, I don’t use the Method #2 printed on the package. If someone tells me how to complete some task and an easier or more logical option seems apparently, I might ignore them in favor of the quick-and-effective method I’ve noticed.

In the coven, we’re supposed to write a ritual using this Ritual Creation Worksheet developed as a guide to do just that! Last time around, I barely finished this paperwork a year after leading my first group sabbat ritual. I’d written something of my own off-the-cuff, having done so many times before, and I didn’t even think to complete the “homework” until it was pointed out as missing.

This time, I’m following directions!

I’ve decided to write a ritual for Mabon, because I love the equinox holidays. I’ve always loved them, actually, even before I was a pagan; I loved the idea of night and day being equal for a moment in time.

Back to the point! Going through the worksheet was kind of interesting and frustrating. Parts of my ritual don’t exactly fit A, B, C, D reasoning. Other parts are based on tradition methods and practices, so explaining them gets repetitive (thank the gods for Copy-Paste).

Following directions and using this worksheet is a more structured method of ritual writing than I’m used to using. Don’t get me wrong, but look at how I normally do things. First, I get an idea for the core of the ritual, like painting symbols on each others for blessings. Then I think backward to whether we’d bless the paint before painting, or if we’d bless everyone’s symbols after. Then I’d think about what the sabbat was, and how did that relate to the core. And so forth. I usually work backward, from the inside out!

In a way, I still worked backward. I had an idea of what I wanted to use/do for the main attraction; I just had to flesh it all out in order as I followed the guidelines on the worksheet. This time, the paperwork AND the ritual are done! YAY! No more procrastinating homework for me!

How do you normally write rituals?

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [witchy reviews]

Ethics: Harm

This discussion and questions came from Chapter 6: Harm in When, Why… If by Robin Wood.

[Previous posts can be found here: Personal Ethics: an introduction, Ethics: Honesty, Ethics: Self, Ethics: Love, and Ethics: Help.]

Introduction

Harm is a hot topic in paganism overall. “An ye harm none, do what ye Will” is one of the most commonly mentioned ethical guidelines in most pagan circles, even if not all participants are Wiccan. And yet, the study of personal ethics is about looking beyond the black-and-white world of morality. It’s about taking responsibility for your own actions, good and bad.

Harm can be necessary. Surgery is harmful, but it can remove an appendix before it bursts. Telling someone a painful truth can hurt their feelings, but perhaps it saves them from a worse pain in the future. Even choosing not to take action can be harmful, as the bystander effect can lead to people watching a crime happen and doing nothing to save the victim or seek help. On the other hand, sometimes not taking action is the choice to allow a person to grow via the harm their current course of action is leading toward.

[1] Define Harm.

Any force that causes (i.e. forces) change is harm. It’s not necessarily good or evil, but generally it’s considered damaging.

[2] In what circumstances are you most tempted to harm someone else?

I’m tempted to harm someone if I see them try to harm a person I care about (myself included).

[3] In what circumstances are you most tempted to harm yourself?

I harm myself with internal dialogue. There is a reason they say “you are your worst critic.”

[4] Describe a situation in which it might be necessary to choose the lesser of two harms.

Eating vegan. I can choose to eat animal products, meaning that I contribute to the suffering of animals. Or I can choose to be hangry all of the time, as I can’t guarantee I’ve taken enough food to work to sustain me; there’s no option to just run out for a quick snack when you’re vegan.

[5] What would you do in this situation, and why?

I personally choose to eat. I have vegetarian foods here and there, but I’ve learned to accept that I’m not an herbivore, and people don’t like me hangry (myself included).

[6] How much force would you use in this situation, and why?

I would try eating as a vegan (part-time and full-time), try eating as a vegetarian, and then try randomly including vegetarian meals at home. I only try for a short period (a week or two) before stopping, because my health (mental, emotional, and physical) is more important to me than stressing over the state of the planet.

[7] Why should you avoid harming someone else, anyway?

If harm is forceful change, than harming someone is forcing them along (or off of) their path in life. You are not their god, you have no right.

[8] Why should you avoid harming yourself?

Self-harm is often toxic and unfair. You see curvy women as sexy and beautiful, but you call yourself a fat cow when you look in a mirror. You see other people with your sense of humor as being funny, while calling yourself annoying or stupid. Self-harm often comes from dishonesty, because you can’t objectively look at yourself.

[9] What should you do if you harm someone?

Apologize and fix it. Some things can’t be fixed, but even forceful change to a relationship can grow into something. You may fight with your bestie, then apologize and make up, but your relationship will forever be altered by that fight. You can’t ungrow or unbreak anything.

[10] How might you harm someone through inattentiveness?

When you ignore someone, you leave them feeling unwanted. Maybe it’s by accident, because life is busy and full and you’ve lost track of your own toes. They don’t know that; all they see is how little you call/text/come by for a visit.

Final Thoughts

My biggest concern with harm is the ability for us to break other people, emotionally. I’m sure you’ve felt it, too. There are moments when, as words come out of our mouth (in anger, in the heat of the moment, and so forth), we see a fork in our path; speak the harshest words, and you’ll slice a spirit and leave scars you can’t undo.

I’ve been guilty of this. Sometimes, it’s been self-defense. I found myself in a situation where I was being hurt by love that I couldn’t undo; loving someone broken leads to your own breaking. Hacking and slashing at them until they turned away from me was the only way I knew to get free of their grasp. I have to accept responsibility for the broken relationships I’ve created this way, including those I couldn’t repair with apologies or time apart.

I find myself often measuring my actions on a scale, trying to balance potential harms with potential growth. Sometimes, that means I charge in and blaze my own path; other times, that means I sit back and let an opportunity slide by. It all depends on what kinds of harm I think may come from my actions, both to myself and to others.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [witchy reviews]

Ethics: Help

This discussion and questions come from Chapter 5: Help in When, Why… If by Robin Wood.

[Previous posts in this Ethics series include: Personal Ethics: an introduction, Ethics: Honesty, Ethics: Self, and Ethics: Love.]

Introduction

Help is an interesting topic for ethics. I’ve always been taught to give whatever help I could afford to give, especially to those I notice need it the most. My favorite quote in this book is about help as well, though it’s found in the chapter about Love:

It [Love] is the decision to give all that you can honestly give without begrudging it, whenever you are asked.

My work ethic comes from this idea. I will always strive to do as much as I can, for whomever I can, as long as it’s something that I won’t regret or begrudge. And, being the kind of person I am, I only require acknowledgement of my efforts to feel appreciated; I don’t need awards, parades, or special thanks. Part of how I express my love for humanity as a whole is by offering help whenever I can.

[1] Helping others means…

…providing whatever assistance they ask for and/or accept.

[2] Accepting help from others means…

…allowing those with skills, energy, and ideas to assist me when I can’t do something alone. Sometimes, it also means allowing someone else to do something I *can* do alone, if only to spread out my “to do” list and make life less hectic.

[3] I feel that I should help someone most when…

…they clearly want/need help. I feel the need to help if I see that someone is struggling, or if someone asks for help and doesn’t get it from someone else immediately (I’m not a bystander).

[4] I am most likely to ask for help when…

…I’m feeling overwhelmed or need a break. I don’t often try things I can’t do on my own, but I have a bad habit of over-scheduling myself or writing epic TO DO lists that leave no room for eating, sleeping, or breathing.

[5] I should offer to help if…

…someone appears to need something I can provide.

[6] If someone refuses my help, I…

…let them know my offer stands, then back off. I don’t like pushy people, so I don’t get pushy with others.

[7] I am most likely to refuse to help, even if someone asks, when…

…that person never approves of whatever I’ve done once I’ve helped, even if I’ve followed their directions exactly. Nit-picking makes you no friends!

[8] I am most likely to refuse the help of others when…

…that person has frustrated me by ignoring previous requests for help. Like I said, it’s usually a bullet point on a long “to do” list, rather than something I can’t actually do myself. If I asked for Person A to take out the trash (twice) and got no help, I’m going to refuse help with dinner, dishes, laundry, and just about everything else. It’s like an angry-cleaning-protest thing I do.

[9] Offer your help to someone. Pick someone you think will be likely to take you up on it. If they refuse, offer to help someone else. Keep going until someone accepts. When they do, be “good help.” Write down who you asked, what they needed, what you did, and how you felt about it.

I don’t get many chances to change up my routine, so I used work. I know Shannon’s just as frazzled as I am, so I asked if she neede help. She had a list that needed to be done, so I completed parts A and B (as requested) and brought it back. It felt good, because she was relieved to cross something off of her work “to do” list.

[10] Ask someone else for help. Pick someone you think will be able to give it. If they can’t, ask someone else. Keep going until someone accepts. Write down who helped you, what you asked for, what they did, and how you felt about it.

I have no examples of this. At work, I’m the helper, not the helpee; I’m the go-to girl, because I work faster and more accurately than anyone else in my department. At home, I’ve gotten into the habit/routine of asking others to take a turn at dishes, laundry, and the like. Life is too basic and patterned to really have opportunities to do anything additional.

Final Thoughts

After reviewing my answers from previous years, I’ve found that I’ve grown a bit in this area of ethical behavior. I used to have a problem with pushing myself to the limit, and I’d end up begrudging others for not offering help (even though I never asked for it and pretended to be completely self-reliant). Now, I’m in the much better habit of asking for help when I feel it would be beneficial, even if I could *technically* complete my tasks alone. It’s better to let others help than to be angry at them for my own refusal to ask.

Posted in [witchcraft & wonder], [witchy reviews]

Ethics: Love

These questions are found at the end of Chapter 4: Love in When, Why… If by Robin Wood.

[Previous posts in this Ethics series include: Personal Ethics: an introduction, Ethics: Honesty, and Ethics: Self.]

Introduction

Love is an important topic to me, at least for my spirituality. Almost four years ago, I found myself experiencing polyamory in an enormous spurt of personal growth. I not only loved more than one person, but I loved big and strong and unfettered. I found myself unable to see love as a one-to-one measurable thing, like society had taught me; instead, I was enamored with life and people and the Universe at large.

Love comes in so many shades and nuances. I love my best friend as a sister, because our personalities meld naturally. I love the men in my life, because they fill parts of myself and help me find purpose. I love others based on parts they play in my Big Story, even when their part is harmful to my short-term self. Even those who interact with me with violence and hate have my love; they push my toward growth, and I can’t help but love them for it.

[1] When someone tells me they love me, I think they mean…

…that they feel happiness in my presence.

Obviously, different people will feel different levels of love in that sense. However, I believe love is all about finding happiness in the presence of others. That’s why I embraced polyamory (many loves) so readily; I was born to love big.

[2] I react to this by…

…feeling happiness that I cause them happiness.

I like to feel like a positive influence in someone else’s life. It doesn’t matter what level of influence I hold; what matters is that it’s positive enough to be vocalized and valued by the person experiencing it.

[3] When I tell someone I love them, I usually mean…

…that they make me happy.

I share the words “I love you” openly, far more so than I was taught as a child. I say them to family, friends, lovers, and even acquaintances when it feels right. Sometimes everyone just needs a moment to be loved, and I have no problem with voicing my happiness at their existence.

[4] I expect them to react by…

…understanding what I mean.

Generally, I measure my proclamations of love against the relationship we have and decide if they’d understand that “I love you” isn’t a commitment, a trap, or anything binding. It’s just an expression of the joy they create in my life. If that may be misunderstood, I’ll use some other way (rather than the words) to express how that person makes me feel.

[5] I have no trouble believing that others love me. True or False?

True!

[6] This is because…

…I was lucky enough to be raised in a loving household. I’ve felt lonely and lost many times in my life, but I’ve always known I’m lovable (even if I’m not currently feeling loved). There’s also this ridiculously objective part of me that labels my good traits as love-worthy and refuses to let me feel unlovable.

[7] I am comfortable/uncomfortable with this because…

…I’m comfortable, because I think it’s healthy to know you’re lovable, especially when it seems like no one in your life is actively in love with you. You need to love yourself and know yourself to be worthy of love.

[8] I want to change/don’t want to change the way I think about love, because…

…I don’t want to change, because (again) I think I have a healthy outlook. I’m a well-adjusted adult who feels love, shares love, and enjoys love.

[9] When Robin tells us to love everyone, she means…

…that everyone is worthy of love in some form. Love doesn’t have to be tied into lust, commitment, or other feelings. Sometimes you can just love someone for existing, as they play a part in the Big Picture of the universal design. Even the assbutts play their part by reminding you to not be an assbutt.

[10] I think I can/don’t think I can do this, because…

…I think I can do this, because I’ve made it a personal mission to demonstrate patience and love of humanity toward strangers. I want to be the light I wish to see in the world, and I hope it rubs off on people.

Final Thoughts

We had an interesting debate in class on this topic. Do you have to love people who do only negative things in their lives? If you believe that loving everyone (in some way) is necessary as part of the Universal Balance, then you can’t pick and choose; that means you would have to love both Hitler and your mother, the rapist and the Dalai Lama. Everyone, good and bad, plays a part in the Big Picture. Balance requires it.

It’s just an interesting thing to ponder. After all, it’s one thing to speak of loving humanity and seeking balance… it’s a whole ‘nother thing to actually accept that love into yourself.