Category: [miscellaneous experiments]

different crafts, recipes, and random activities to try out

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

To My Northern Friends

Posted on by Larissa Lee

If you’re one of my friends in the North that considers themselves progressive or liberal, please take a moment to read this. Buddies in the South, you can keep scrolling.

Living in the not-South can feel like you’re above the kinds of racism, sexism, and homophobia of those uneducated Southerners. You might feel like you’re part of a better side of America, a side that’s safe and fair and honest.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re wrong.

Believing that the North is safe from being discriminatory is privilege.

In the South, you might see people sneer at Black folks for existing in the same places their ancestors were forced to labor. Here, I see people sneer at Native folks for existing in the same places their ancestors have always lived. I hear jokes about stereotypes that go unquestioned, because our neighborhoods are conspicuously white; even my most progressive friends slip here, telling jokes no one has ever called them out on.

Just because no one points out your racism doesn’t mean it’s not there.

In the South, sexism is direct. They make women’s healthcare difficult to receive outside of a set bubble (i.e. childbearing). They are proud to tell you that they have five centers in a town dedicated to helping a woman through her pregnancy from conception to birth, while they’ve managed to push the closest birth control, cancer screening, and abortion coverage 2-3 hours away. Up here in the North, sexism is subtle. Men’s jobs just don’t recruit women, and they don’t often interview women who do apply – after all, they’re just not built to do all this hard labor. Women’s jobs are clearly delineated by the tasks involved (i.e. social rather than physical). Having a baby while employed is no easier or better supported up here; we all know someone who’s had to return from maternity leave too early or has left the job rather than do so. Gender norms are still enforced, meaning my shaved head was questioned while wearing a skirt is praised (even though neither affects my ability to do my job).

Just because no one questions your sexism doesn’t mean it’s not there.

In the South, being noticeably Queer means snide looks or comments like “you know that’s a sin” or “I’ll pray for you”. Again, homophobia is often direct and obvious. Yet in the South, there are organizations in almost every town for Queer folks to find support and a community. In the North, ignorance was my first experience as a Queer woman. On my first anniversary, almost a year to the day after SCOTUS made it legal for my wife and me to get married, I had people asking how I got married in Texas. And was I really married, like with the certificate any everything? YES! Imagine the privilege of not even noticing when America finally legalized love everywhere in 2015. Being noticeably Queer up here means people feel comfortable having entire conversations about you and your appearance within hearing range, and sometimes it makes me miss being told “I’ll pray for you” instead.

Just because no one calls you out on your homophobia doesn’t mean it’s not there.

In the South, there’s a thriving community of pagans and witches. The network is well woven, and everyone knows someone who knows someone. Texas pagans fought for the right to have a pentagram on pagan soldiers’ graves in federal cemeteries, and they won. In the North, you have just as many churches on every corner, door-to-door proselytizing, and presumptions of Christianity. Actually, the biggest frustration I’ve had is in trying to be “out” as a witch. In the South, if I mentioned being non-Christian or celebrating Yule, the natural progression of our conversation would be a polite inquiry as to what I was (if I didn’t mind sharing). Southern people take subtle hints very well! Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to come out to my coworkers for 3 years, and the majority are still so unwilling to discuss religion that they don’t know anything about me. Willful avoidance doesn’t help with diversity and inclusion!

Just because no one voices the need for conformity doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The problem with believing that the North is a liberal utopia is that you stop paying attention. You think it’s not a big deal when stuff happens. You get annoyed at protesters marching down the streets, because you don’t feel like they have anything to complain about up here. You roll your eyes at pride posts online and can’t wait for June to end so you can stop seeing rainbows everywhere. You shrug off the election of an anti-choice politician, because it’s not like it affects the women you know. You ask your friend to stop bringing up rape culture, because they’re being a downer. You think none of this is an “us” problem. It’s all a “them” problem.

America is both “us” and “them”. Only your privilege lets you ignore discrimination in favor of comfort.

As your Queer female witch friend from Texas, I’m asking you to check your privilege. When you want to ignore or brush off news because it’s uncomfortable (or scary… or rage-inducing…), I want you to sit with that discomfort and work through it. There are good people in this country who need your support.

Support is a verb.

Being non-racist isn’t the same as being anti-racist. Being non-homophobic isn’t the same as being anti-homophobia. I need you to be willing to be anti-oppression, with your thoughts and your words and your vote. I need you to notice your own biases and question them when they come up, even if you don’t want to consider that you might have them. We all do. I need you to point out offensive jokes instead of faking a laugh, even if it means some people stop joking around you. I need you to have the hard conversations with friends and family, even if they lead to disagreements or hurt feelings. I need you to vote like you have skin in the game, like a politician’s decisions will alter your life they way they alter the lives of people like me. I need you to support people you’ve never met when they take a stand against oppression, because someone close to you might be watching and waiting to see if you’re a safe harbor.

I need you to do the work.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Mental Exercise: the “Ideal Lover/Partner/Friend”

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’m in a mood.

(I wonder how many of my journal entries start off with that sentence so far this year?)

I remember a project in my Sociology class back in my sophomore year of high school. We were told to make a list of at least five attributes we required of a potential mate/partner/lover. Snickering and blushing aside, everyone did the assignment and had the pleasure of reading their list out loud to the rest of the class. We discussed the whys and wherefores of each person’s list as we went.

My list had about thirty items on it. I had the longest one in my class, but I also had a boyfriend (contrary to claims that I was too picky and would be forever alone). The thing is, I’d focused on non-physical things. Someone who had a good sense of humor. Someone who was around my level of intelligence. Someone who enjoyed the rain. Someone who liked animals.

It was cute.

Now, though, I’m thinking that the list needs to be resurrected. If you created a list of thirty or so criteria, and then you only required a potential partner to meet about ten of them… that’s reasonable, right?

Let me approach that from a different direction.

I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who’s owned enough books to fill a bookcase. Why not? I’m an avid reader, from news articles to fanfiction to novels to blogs. I probably spend a third of my awake time reading in some way or another. And I’ve owned at least enough books to fill a large bookcase to the brim since I hit high school. Yet I’ve managed to ignore the fact that everyone that I’ve started a relationship with has been a non-reader. Some of them just didn’t enjoy reading outside of school assignments or a signal series (like *only* Harry Potter or *only* the Wheel of Time). One read comics with some regularity, but even that’s a limited form of reading. I’ve never been with someone who could recommend a good book they’d just finished (or actually listen when I recommend one based on their likes).

It makes no sense!

My approach to relationships has always been very… loosey goosey. If someone likes me, why should I judge them? If they’re willing to bother showing me attention, who am I to not accept it graciously? I’ll willfully overlook the lack of commonality between myself and a new partner, if it means I can avoid rocking the (new, unfamiliar) boat. I bend so we don’t break.

Bugger that!

I’m in a unique situation now. I’m a polyamorous demisexual married to an asexual in a partly open relationship. That means I’m allowed to date and get to know people, to eventually find someone I connect with emotionally to become my lover (that’s the demi part, FYI). Put simpler, I’ll be dating from my friendzone. So… why not alter my “ideal mate” list to that of an ideal friend?

Playing with this idea has entertained me all day. While a bit silly, the exercise itself has allowed me to recognize how many ways I’ve failed myself in expecting almost nothing from those I allow closest to me. I deserve better, from myself and from others. That said, here’s a peek at the things I came up with. Keep in mind, a person would only need to meet about ten of the points to be “up to par”. Hell, even five solid matches would make them more compatible than any of my serious relationships; believe me, I’ve checked. (And that was depressing, to realize how little my partners matched the attributes of my close friends… no wonder we failed so spectacularly!)

– They own an impressive library, at least a bookcase worth. And they actually read the books, rather than keeping them for show. A mix of fiction and nonfiction is a bonus. I need someone who’ll enjoy a trip to a bargain bookstore for a couple of hours, walking out with an armful of purchases with me.

– They write. It can be poetry or blogging, fiction or nonfiction. Perfect grammar and spelling aren’t necessary, but a command of the English language beyond that of a middle schooler is a must. Really, writing well enough to avoid making me cringe would be impressive.

– They are at least partly college educated. I’ve settled for less before, and I shouldn’t. While I’m not particularly pro-college, I do believe that having knowledge beyond a GED is important. If they can explain the intricacies of Japanese culture thanks to personal interest after a semester of the language in college, I’ll be impressed by their personal studies and depth of knowledge. Feeling like I’m walking on eggshells to avoid talking down to people is *not* fun.

– They’re pagan. Not a generic, hippy-is-cool pagan. I mean someone who’s studied various paths and knows where they’re currently walking. If we can debate the merits and downfalls of hard polytheism, they’re my kind of person.

– They’re LGBTQIA+ savvy and an ally at minimum. This one is actually non-negotiable. They don’t have to know all the buzzwords or be a perfect ally, but homophobia is distinctly *not* sexy.

– They enjoy trying out new foods, without whining and being bullied into it. I’m decidedly not a steak-and-potatoes girl, so I need someone adventurous in the kitchen.

– Speaking of the kitchen, they should know their way around it by now. If I ask for them to dice an onion or start some water for spaghetti, I shouldn’t have to explain exactly what that means. We’re too old for ramen-and-eggs cooking skills to be acceptable anymore!

– They’re a geek. Pick a fandom and run with it (the more, the merrier). Bonus points for Harry Potter, Marvel, Doctor Who, Sherlock, or Supernatural. Extra bonus points if they get my references outside of their personal fandoms.

– They need to be financially sound on their own. This is another almost non-negotiable point. I’m tired of being an accountant in my relationships, fixing poor life decisions and bad credit. They don’t have to be rich or an investment genius; I just want someone who manages their own money with half a brain.

– They like animals, especially dogs. Animals tend to be a good judge of character, and I intend to always have dogs in my life. If they can’t stand animals or barely tolerate them, it’d get old pretty fast.

– Hygiene. I’m shocked by the amount of bad hygiene I’ve ignored in favor of not rocking the boat. That needs to stop!

– They could be really into anime. My wife is anime fanatic, so she’d be the best judge of their seriousness. I enjoy a bit of anime now and again, and it’s a type of geekery that meshes well with me and mine.

– They’re creative, for real. I’d like to not have to smile and lie when shown their art, be it painting or drawing or writing or singing. Let them have a talent of their own, one I can truly enjoy. Let them embrace and practice their art as often as I practice my own.

– They play an instrument. Guitars and drums are my favorites, but people who can sincerely play any instrument impress me. Having learned basics on the clarinet and guitar, I recognize the passion and drive it takes to practice enough to gain those talents.

– They like to stay in rather than go out. I like to get out and about sometimes, but I’m more of a cafe-date-for-coffee girl than a drink-and-party girl. I’m too old to enjoy that crap anymore, and I find those who still enjoy getting blitzed are generally too immature for me.

– They should be a civilian. I grew up around the military, married and divorced it, and work with it daily. I’d like to get away from all of that, because I want stability. It’s nothing against those who serve; I just don’t want to start something to a person who will move in 3-5 years for their next assignment.

– They should enjoy a good snog without sex. Look, TMI. I get it. But even if I’m a full blown adult, I happen to enjoy the process of kissing someone senseless (and visa versa). I don’t always want sex, and I’d like to find someone who’s similarly minded. Sometimes getting wound up is the fun part!

– They need to have experience or knowledge of polyamory and/or open relationship dynamics. If they don’t know something, they need to be willing to ask. I’m not looking to replace my wife. I’m also not looking for a quick shag. Communication is key, and understanding its importance goes a long way in showing serious interest in being in my life.

– They’ve traveled. I’ve lived in three different parts of Germany, visited the Czech Republic and Canada along with half of the States. Staying in the same town your entire life leads to a different mindset, one I don’t relate to well. I don’t need someone super well-traveled, but it’d help if they’ve been around their state at least a bit.

– They don’t live with their parents. I get that it happens, especially with today’s economy. But around 30, the excuses get weaker. Personal experience says that a person who really wants to make it on their own tends to crash with multiple roommates and pools their resources, rather than moving into mom’s house.

– They’re employed, and it’s steady. They also can’t bitch every single day about their job, because that level of hatred usually leads to layoffs, firing, or quitting (i.e. job instability). Adults recognize that we have to put up with a certain level of stuff to get/keep a good paying job. If it’s too horrible to bear without griping, an adult seeks new employment. Personal experience has demonstrated this fact over and over amongst lovers and friends.

– They have no child, nor do they want any (at least for now). I’ve moved past any desire to reproduce, and I don’t want to become a parent vicariously through a lover. (I’ll amend this one, that they just need to be fine with not having kids with me. They can have their own children; that original idea of avoiding any form of parenthood was based in residual hurt from my experience in infertility.)

I could go on. I’m a rambler and a listmaker. These kinds of exercises can keep me going for hours, even as I get weirder and more specific with the new points I come up with. The whole point of this list, though, is to remind myself that I’m allowed to expect something more out of people I let into my life (both lovers and friends). I can expect maturity as we all approach our thirties, and I don’t have to tolerate willful ignorance or spiritually stunted individuals.

I’m allowed to say “no”. I can be picky about the types of people I allow into my life, and I can remove those who do me more harm than good. It’s all my choice.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments], [writer stuff]

Random Writer’s Ramblings

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’m planning to try writing about 1,000 words per day in 2015. I got the idea from Novel Notes. The actual focus of the goal is less structured than that, though; I’ll be shooting for 1,000 words per day, but the totals at the end of each month are the real target word count.

For example, January’s goal will be 31,000 words. Ideally, I’d spread that over the course of the entire month, writing that thousand-per-day amount to keep up. Realistically, I’m going to sprint for a couple days, then rest and repeat until I’ve reached my goal. It’s my process, because I do my best writing late a night but can’t stay up late on weekdays due to work. Weekends are my big writing days.

I’ve decided to use my winter break to create a vague outline for next year.

I’m thinking of finally working on a project I’d thought up years ago. You see, I happen to love short stories. I enjoy the intensity of the plot that’s pretty much required for a short work to tell a story. My project idea is a collection of short stories designed to not have happily-ever-afters at the end (or at least not traditionally happy endings).

Another potential project is one of the two (or three) pagan books I’d been thinking needed to be written. They require more research and focus than the fiction project, but at the same time they have premade outlines in the form of my personal experiences and previous thoughts/notes on the ideas.

With the winter break just days away, I look forward to deciding on which projects to work on next year. Having a writing goal gets me writing more often, just like using the Goodreads option for a personal challenge helped me to read at least one book a week for 2014.

Speaking of reading challenges, I’m also considering an interesting twist to my personal goal (which is still just one book a week). There’s this list of book types and topics to read, and I really dig most of the suggestions. I mostly read free ebooks on my Kindle, ones offered by indie authors; I’m sure, though, that I can find books that fit these descriptions.

The best part about these challenges (both writing and reading) is the way their small, easily attainable goals make me feel successful and happy.

That’s part of how I’ve always treated my own, mild depression; I just find things to be good at or complete, and I constantly remind myself of my successes (however small they may be). Getting through NaNoWriMo and winning on my first try was specifically designed to help me move past the end of a long-term relationship and other dramatic changes I had little or no control over in my life at the time.

Overall, I’ve decided to make 2015 a productive and positive year.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments], [witchcraft & wonder]

Expired Dreams, or What’s Your Favorite Color (Really)?

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Age 5: My favorite color is purple.

Age 10: My favorite color is purple. It matches my birthstone.

Age 15: My favorite color is purple. It’s the color of magic and mystery, and it matches my birthstone by coincidence.

Age 20: My favorite color is purple. It always has been. It matches my birthstone amethyst, which happens to be my favorite witchy crystal to work with. It makes me think of magic and midnight.

Age 25: Hmm… you know what? I like purple, but if you favorite color is the one you’d use to decorate your house, paint your car, redo your wardrobe, and even put in your hair… my favorite color would have to be green. Any shade of green.

Sometimes the things we like and want in our lives are repeated to others out of habit. It’s like you figure out your answer to a particular question (What’s your favorite color?) and then reuse that answer for the rest of forever.

Yet… in taking a moment to reflect on it, you find yourself with a new answer and confusion over when exactly the shift occurred. The above is a simple example, true for myself. I always said and felt that purple was my favorite color, up until the moment it suddenly wasn’t anymore.

Is there some kind of spot-check we’re supposed to do, to verify that all of our preferences and dreams are up-to-date and unexpired?

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Imagination vs Reality

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Sometimes I wonder… how much of our imagined worlds are based in reality?

The following flaw is available in Vampire: the Masquerade for character development:

Bound to the Earth (2 point flaw)
Some vampires are inextricably tied to their domains of 
origin, and they must rest in the proximity of at least 
two handfuls of native soil: earth from a place important 
in their mortal days. This earth may be the soil from your 
birthplace or earth from the graveyard where you underwent 
your Embrace. Each night spent without this physical 
connection to that land inflicts a cumulative -1 penalty 
to all of your attack test pools (to a maximum of -5). 
These penalties remain until you rest for a full day amid 
your earth once more.

My MES (Mind’s Eye Society) character has this flaw, because we thought it’d be interesting. It means that my character would technically be exhausted from the visit to Houston’s Court (and feature game) this weekend. Here’s the funny thing, though.

I’m exhausted.

If I’m sleeping in someone else’s bed, be it a spare or a hotel room, I don’t sleep well. It doesn’t matter how comfy or quiet or undisturbed or perfect the room is; if I’m not in my own little nest, I toss and turn all night. The only remedy is to bring one of my pillows and/or a blanket from my house. I used to do so religiously as a kid for sleepovers.

I wonder if I’m bound to my own house? Is it the smell of my bedding? Is it the air pressures and currents created by room sizes, windows, doors? Is it an issue of sleeping in close proximity of different people than usual, like a change in energies?

Taking this thought-train out there, really far out there.

Maybe I’m more empathic when I’m asleep. When I’m awake, I can ignore and avoid being affected by the emotional goo of others. Perhaps my barriers have just grown so instinctive that I don’t recognize my inner empath; I’ve often told people that I used to be one, but I thought I’d grown out of it. Maybe my shields fall when I go to bed and I’m left wide open to whoever and whatever is around me.

Or maybe it’s true that insomnia is caused by someone dreaming of you. What if, the closer the dreamer is, the less likely it is that you’ll sleep?

Or maybe some people and places are live wires. Maybe being around certain open energy sources, or sources that resonate with me, causes my senses to be overwhelmed and unable to shutdown for sleep.

Or maybe the Oneroi can’t find me when I travel, leaving me unrested due to dreamless sleep. After all, dreams decompress our minds and help us maintain our mental health. If my Oneroi couldn’t locate my sleeping self, maybe they couldn’t trigger the dreams I needed to actually feel rested.

Or maybe my bad habits are the issue. Eating at weird times, going to bed hours past my usual routine… maybe my body just gets confused. It’s like a mild form of the disassociation you experience after traveling from America to Europe; suddenly you’re hours off of your biological clock’s schedule, and nothing feels right for days.

Or maybe a radioactive spider bit me, but he did a half-assed job and left me with mild spidey senses. I can’t sleep in strange places, because my inner superhero is sensing someone’s troubled tummy and thinking they need salvation?

Or maybe I’m getting too set in my ways. I’m too used to always being around my sister, always having a jersey knit sheet as a blanket, always listening to Netflix as I doze off. If a baby is kept in quiet spaces every naptime, she’ll only be able to sleep in silence; alternatively, if a baby is kept in loud shared spaces, she’ll learn to sleep through the noise and have trouble with silence. Maybe I’m too used to my specific patterns and need to change things up a bit to avoid sleep issues on the road.

Or maybe a La Sambre was hiding in the shadowy corner of the room, and my Oracular Ability was picking up on their presence. I couldn’t sleep, because instincts required that someone keep a weary eye out for attack.

Or maybe I actually need 2 handfuls of dirt from my home in order to sleep properly, just like poor Othala (my character).

I’m being silly (mostly). But the real question remains. How much of fantasy (in its various forms) is directly based on reality? Curious…

Posted in [business projects], [miscellaneous experiments]

Your Digital Footprint

Posted on by Larissa Lee

There’s something cathartic about deleting yourself online.

I just spent two days this weekend deleting various profiles and accounts across the internet, distilling my online presence to the bare necessities.

Some people create accounts and email addresses the same way a grasshopper leaps through a field, with lots of movement and little focus on the bigger picture. Others cultivate an elaborate and tightknit persona online, maintaining their data and accounts with as much focus as a lioness stalking her prey.

I am a lioness.

I’ve only had six email accounts in my life (excluding work). I know what sites I have/had memberships on, largely based on the registration emails I’ve kept since I entered digital space in 2001.

Email #1 (2001 to 2005) – This was my first email account, created in a freshman Spanish class (2001) for a pen pal in Mexico that never wrote back. I used this account to dump questionable websites into, allowing my main email address to remain safe from spam. This account was closed after over a year of disuse.

Email #2 (2001 to 2014) – This was my second email account, created very closely after the first and more in my own image. I groomed this account from 2001 to 2014, filtering out spam religiously and only handing out the email to trusted sites and persons. However, in 2013 Yahoo itself was hacked and my account was compromised; several months (and passwords, security questions, etc.) later, I gave up on the account and consolidated everything to a different service. This account was deleted over the weekend.

Email #3 (2001 to 2003) – This was an email account I created for fun. I used it for a specific messenger, joining a friend on weekends to chat with other geeky kids and roleplay as dragon riders. The account closed itself long ago, after years of disuse.

Email #4 (2004 to 2014) – This was an email account I created to replace #3. I needed access to the same messenger again, this time for certain friends and family after moving overseas. The hope was that my friends would stay in touch, pre-Facebook. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case; this email account became the new dumping ground for spam. The account was deleted this weekend, having last been checked a few months ago.

Email #5 & #6 (2012 to current) – These two are both locked with elaborate passwords, 2-step verifications, and coded security questions. In addition, I’ve filtered out all registration emails and other personal credential information, just in case these email accounts get hacked; no one will get my other logins via email hacking.

I’ve deleted various accounts over the past few years, many deactivated this weekend during my digital purge. I don’t let accounts fade away, because that doesn’t always work; not all websites have a use-it-or-lose-it clause in their terms. One of my friends just discovered this issue, as his personal photos from his teen years (explicit or not) were publicly visible online. He’s now struggling to remember email accounts, let alone login credentials.

Oh, by the way… I’m one of those weirdos who actually reads (or at least skims) the terms and conditions of new websites before accepting them.

Yes, seriously.

I mostly skim for parts about use and storage of my information, as well as what grounds can get my account locked (especially for storage services like Dropbox and Photobucket). I like to know who can access my stuff, how much control I have over it, and how likely it is that I’ll lose my stuff.

I’m also cautious enough to research storage sites before using them. I google their history, looking for previous hacking events and lawsuits; I also check how often they change privacy settings (*cough*Facebook*cough*) and how that affects individual use.

I love the internet and digital life! However, I’m still careful about what I put out there. You can never unshare something online, and you have to be willing to accept the consequences of your choices.

The lioness in my is ever-vigilant. I have a coded password book, and I’ve ensured that important accounts (banking, email, financials) are all locked down with 2-step verification and complicated logins that aren’t listed in my book. I know where I am online and why, and no amount of googling my name will bring up anything I’m ashamed of creating.

What does your digital footprint look like?

Posted in [business projects], [miscellaneous experiments]

Goodbye, Yahoo! (or Breaking Up With Bad Services)

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Goodbye, Yahoo!, and good luck
Goodbye, Yahoo!, and good luck.

I’m closing my Yahoo! email account this weekend. Why?

I created my account in 2001 as part of a computer class assignment. I didn’t have internet at home, so I followed the basic instructions our teacher gave. In other words, I didn’t choose Yahoo! so much as I followed those directions to the letter.

Since then, I’ve used the account for various online logins. Some of my social media, bills, and store accounts are linked to my Yahoo! email address. It’s been convenient to use one account; after all, that means less passwords to memorize, as well as less variety in my login credentials to remember (many websites use your email address as the login username, very helpful).

I had a decent, private password and security questions I updated once every few years. Most updates were done after a move, since I’d change my location (city, state) each time. My questions are always the “create a question” option, because I feel more secure making up complicated questions or coded phrases that make sense only to me. My passwords are number-word combos that have personal significance without including personal data (birthdates, names of family, etc.).

My account never got hacked… until the end of 2013.

I found out my account was hacked thanks to my work email. I’d added myself as a contact after my mom’s account from another service was hacked and used for spam; the idea was to track any possibility of my account sending out spam by receiving it directly from myself. It turned out to be a good idea, as I received a weird email with a link from myself and immediately updated all of my password information.

Unfortunately, Yahoo! seems to have a hacking problem.

It’s only been a few months since I updated my information, but I’ve already been hacked again. Seriously, new passwords AND new security questions AND 2-step login verification should be enough to keep out a standard hacker on my end; the rest is back-end issues with the servers themselves being hacked. I can’t fix that!

In addition, my email account has amassed an army of spam in the decade(+) that it’s existed. That can’t be helped. I’ve blocked and filtered 99.9% of it into my spam folder, but that folder contains 100+ emails at the end of any given day; the time it takes to review them for accidentally mislabeled emails is ridiculous.

It’s time to go our separate ways, Yahoo!.

I’m going to go through all of my old and new emails, print/copy anything important, and transfer all user accounts to my other email address. Spring break will be a time for digital spring cleaning, and it will end with the deletion of my account.

Actually, I’m not even sure if deletion is possible. If not, it’ll be made void: I’ll remove all information, the name will be John Doe, all emails and contacts will be gone, and it’ll stand unused for the 12 months needed until Yahoo! deactivates it to make the handle available for others.

After all is said and done, I won’t miss it.

This whole thing makes me wonder: How long do we hold onto bad digital services out of habit? When do we decide the inconvenience of switching and canceling accounts is outweighed by the inconvenience of service issues, hacking, or outdated systems? When is enough enough?

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

A Week of Co-Washing

Posted on by Larissa Lee

For those of you following at home, I previously used the no-poo method to wash my hair. That means that I used baking soda water as “shampoo” and apple cider vinegar in water as “conditioner”. It worked great for several weeks, cleaning my hair and making it feel just fine.

But then there’s the scalp.

You see, I started no-poo specifically because of my constant dandruff. Even with dandruff shampoos, every-other-day washings, cooler water, and conditioning treatments, my scalp still itched and flaked ALL the time. I figure I might be allergic to the harsh detergents in most shampoos, but I also had issues using natural henna shampoo. Castile soap was too harsh for my hair, while making my scalp stop itching (but not stop flaking).

The no-poo method seemed to work on my dandruff… at first. I think it really just loosened up all the pre-existing dandruff. However, I’m apparently slightly allergic to baking soda and vinegar on my skin. Frustrated, I took to the internet. My main health goals are to improve my scalp condition and help my hair grow out healthy and strong; the Earth, unfortunately, comes after my personal comfort and health. That said, I’ve started co-washing.

Co-washing is when you use only conditioner to wash your hair. The idea is simple: conditioners contain smaller amounts of the same cleaners as shampoo, so they can clean your hair as well as condition it. The process? Slather conditioner all over your hair, massage it into your hair and scalp thoroughly, wait five minutes, and rinse. The only other rule is that you want to avoid conditioners with silicones (they build up on hair, leading to ick), but most cheap brands like VO5 and Suave happen to be silicone-free already.

My results after a week of co-washing? Amazing!

My hair is super soft and manageable. I tested the cleanliness factor by wearing it down most of this week, and my bangs never looked gross or stringy. Honestly, the only issue I’ve noticed is that I apparently have a bit of a natural wave; that’s great, except that my air-dried hair gets a little frizzy because of it. My scalp doesn’t itch like it did, and most of the hardcore dandruff patches (think scales… of a dragon… on your head) have healed up and disappeared.

Pros of co-washing:

  • Cheap products – most of the basic (less than $1) VO5 and Suave conditioners happen to be silicone free and great for co-washing. I’ve been using VO5’s clarifying lime-kiwi conditioner with no troubles.
  • Scalp health – while conditioners like these contain chemicals (gasp!), they do manage to moisturize my scalp better than my attempts at massaging coconut or olive oil into it (both of which required ungodly amounts of shampoo to remove, undoing the oil treatment entirely)
  • Ease of Use – conditioner doesn’t require measuring and mixing before your showers. You climb in, slather, massage, wait, rinse. Easy-peasy! Other than making sure your conditioner is silicone-free, the entire process is ridiculously easy; I only take 10-minute showers, and I manage to get co-washed daily without a problem. (Note: Some people only co-washing every few days. I’m going to experiment with skipping days starting tomorrow, while I’m off work.)

Cons of co-washing:

  • Not Eco-Friendly – the cheap conditioners aren’t super Earth-friendly. On sites like the Good Guide, you can see that most of the cheap conditioners get a 6.2/10 rating. I’d love to use greener conditioners, but between their cost and the amount I’d had to use (more than half a bottle in a week of co-washing daily) they’re unattainable for me.
  • Greasy Feeling – okay, look. My hair doesn’t look dirty or greasy or wet; it looks fantastic! However, if you rub your fingers through it, you can feel the residue of the conditioner. It’s almost a greasy feeling. This is more something I’ve noticed while air-drying and waiting out my week one of experimenting with this process. Perhaps that feeling can be avoided with longer rinsing, blow-drying, or different conditioners; I’ll have to have patience to see.
  • Lots of Product – you use a LOT of conditioner with this, especially with longer hair. I have hair that’s 4-5 inches past my shoulders, and I used over half a bottle in a week. For $0.79 per bottle, it’s not a big deal. However, that’s why I can’t use the eco-friendly stuff for co-washing.
  • Time – I take 10-minute showers, sometimes up to 15 if I’m shaving my legs. That means it’s a big deal for me to dedicate 5 minutes to doing my hair in the shower. I’ve developed a system (start the hair, clip it up, wash the body and/or shave, then rinse), but I can’t imagine it being so easy on a day when I end up running late.

I’m still waiting to find myself in need of shampoo. Some co-washers use it once a month, some once a week. I have a feeling I’ll manage quite happily without shampoo for a while longer. As long as my hair looks and feels clean after every shower, I have no need for soaps.

To soothe my inner hippy, I’ve reminded myself of this: I may be using a non-natural product in my hair, but it’s slightly better than the ones I used before. It’s also about the same amount (since I have too much hair), so the pollution levels aren’t increasing. In fact, my lack of shampoo at least adds a little less harsh detergent to our water supply. It’s not much, but it’s something.

 

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

I’m An Accidental Homesteader?

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Homesteading is a movement toward self-sufficiency. People are trying to relearn skills that used to be passed down generationally; many of those skills are now taken over by preprocessed items and conveniences. A homesteader has chosen to purposefully cultivate those skills anyway, for the purpose of being better educated and more prepared for an emergency.

I’ve been researching the idea of homesteading, and I found out that I already march to the same drum. I’ve been cultivating long-ignored skills like cooking from scratch and cleaning with simple (i.e. cheap) household items. In my browsing, I came across a great idea: make a list of the changes you would like to make, things you would like to do, and skills you would like to learn. Then pick one item at a time to work on.

Instead, I’ve made a two-fold list. First, I looked at the skills listed on various homesteading sites and compiled those I already have; it always feels good to recognize how far you’ve come. Secondly, I made a list of skills I’d like to develop. Some, like sewing, require more of an investment in machinery and other items than I can afford at the moment. Overall, though, I’ve made some decent goals for myself.

SKILLS I HAVE:

  • Cooking from Scratch – I know how to prep and cook lots of foods from scratch, as well as knowing replacements for various items and “old school” skills like making gravy from scratch (rather than from a packet).
  • Drying/Dehydrating Foods – I have a dehydrator, and I know how to use it (at least moderately) to dry foods. I’ve mostly just made jerky, but I’m not too slow to figure out other dried goods. I’d love an upgraded machine, though; mine’s very one-setting-only.
  • Killing Food Animals – I haven’t hunted, but I’ve fished and killed/gutted my own fish and crawdads. I’m not squeamish, so I could easily add rabbits and fowl to my food set with minimal adjustment (other than figuring out proper fur/feather removal).
  • Simple Cleaning – I’ve learned how to use baking soda, vinegar, and other similarly simple items to clean my house. I’m working on switching out my cosmetic/hygiene items as well, bit by bit. Overall, though, I’ve found cheaper and more earth-conscious ways to clean.
  • Bread – I can bake bread, be it overnight stuff or four-hours-of-rising-just-to-annoy-you stuff. I could, if we ate bread more often, technically meet all of our needs with homemade bread.

SKILLS I’D LIKE TO HAVE:

  • Fermentation – I’d like to have a good grasp of how to safely and effectively ferment foods for consumption. I’m actually working on this skill right now!
  • Basic Sewing – I’d like to learn to use a sewing machine well enough to make decent skirts and other simple items.
  • Crocheting – I’ve learned the basic single and double stitch, so I can technically make a washcloth, towel, or blanket with crochet. I’d like to learn how to properly make hats, socks, mittens, scarves, and similar useful items (as well as some fun patterns, like crocheted jewelry).
  • Foraging – I’d like to learn the local flora and fauna well enough to be able to forage. I had that skill in Washington state, but I’ve never taken the time to adjust to Texas.
  • Gardening – I haven’t successfully grown a plant since I was in high school. It might be the super lame lighting in our house; there are almost no windows, so the plants don’t get light. Outdoors, it’s so dry that my forgetfulness leads to baked, dead plants. I’d like to learn how to get some simple veggies like lettuce and bell peppers to grow (at least at our new house).
  • Maintenance – I want to learn to use basic tools, and how to do basic home repairs (even though I rent). How do I thaw frozen pipes properly? How do I re-grout the tile in the bathroom? I’d like to know how to do these kinds of things without Google.
  • Cheese-making – I bought a kit, but I never used it. I want to learn how to make cheese safely and correctly. I can make yogurt cheese, but that’s super simple (i.e. cheating).
  • Soap-making – I’d like to learn how to make soap, at least from a curiosity standpoint. I’ll have to see how difficult it is before deciding whether it’s worth the trouble.

In realizing that I’m pretty self-sufficient already, I’ve decided I’m just an accidental homesteader. My hippie ways have guided me to this point, and I’ll keep walking down this road as long as it’s still groovy.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Random Pet Peeve: Typing Speed Liars

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I hate typing speed liars.

To get my job, I had to actually take a traditional typing test. That means I read and copied from a book next to the computer screen, I had to double space after each sentence, and proper punctuation and spelling were a must. Errors knocked off points, there was no autocorrect, and too many canceled out the whole test. In 2010 I was hired with a speed of 83wpm.

Too many people lie about their speed. They’ll say “You only type 83wpm? Well, I type around 120, blah blah blah”. The problem is two-fold.

One, many of those people have horrible spelling and grammar issues. My brother has improved, but for most of middle and high school his essays were literally one long sentence. Your speed doesn’t count if you only achieve it by mashing the buttons faster than everyone else; what you type needs to be something others can actually read.

Two, most of those people haven’t sat down to a real test. They might’ve played with an online game, like one where you type whatever you want for five minutes to determine your speed. Those tests are both faulty and unrealistic; no workplace uses a “type whatever” test, because that allows you to type “I like pie” over and over if desired. That makes you look fast, but can you find the “v” key without looking? Can you type long words like “imagination” and “organization” without long pauses in your speed?

I’m not the fastest typer out there. This isn’t a pride thing. My issue is with people bragging about their imagined speed, simply because my speed is mentioned. There was a girl I was introduced to via Skype who said she typed 130wpm… and I watched her type maybe 40 (with TONS of backspacing) the entire time we talked.

If you watch me work, I quite literally move at 83wpm. I click and type and tab as fast as you would expect with that typing speed. I don’t make many data entry errors, simply because that’s my fastest speed while remaining correct. I’m sure I could type 100wpm… if you didn’t count errors at all and I managed not to backspace when I made one.

Everyone who’s good with computers can type quickly. What’s more important than speed is the knowledge of spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the program itself (Word, Notepad, the internet). If you develop that type of knowledge, the typing speed comes naturally with time.

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

(Selfish) Hippy Hair Care

Posted on by Larissa Lee

I’ve fought a hard, frustrating battle with all-natural hair care this past week.

I’ve discovered that most completely natural hair product DIY recipes are for black girl hair, and that makes a HUGE difference in how my hair reacts to their methods.

I’ve had hair that’s dry like straw, tangled like vines in the jungle, and greasy up like an oil wrestler.

Here’s the tally of experiments I’ve put my hair through (so far):

  • Castile Soap – by itself, this dried my hair out like straw
  • Vinegar Rinse – since my hair was already dry, I tried just using a vinegar rinse the next morning, only to have greasy hair at work all day
  • Herbal Shampoo – made with herbal tea and some castile soap, this had no washing effect on the grease in my hair
  • Coconut Oil Conditioning – unlike instructions, this took two rounds of straight castile soap to rinse out and degrease my stringy hair
  • Castile Soap, Black Tea Rinse – the soap did its drying thing, and the tea did nothing (other than making my hair even more tangled than the previous attempts)
  • Castile Soap, Just on My Bangs – avoiding further damage to the length of my hair, I just washed the greasy bang area around my face (and it was all still very dry)
  • Aloe – hair became very soft and manageable
  • Aloe, Round 2 – same method, bangs were a bit “heavy” (greasy looking and acting, but didn’t feel greasy at all)
  • Aloe, Round 3 – same method, hair acted greasy enough to spike without hair gel (aloe as shampoo alone clearly doesn’t strip any oils, and it adds its own moisture)
  • Castile Soap – by itself, after three days of aloe it didn’t dry me out like before
  • 50/50 Castile/Aloe – used this morning, awaiting dry hair for results

As you can see, I haven’t cheated. My normal shampoo and conditioner are packed away in the cupboard, out of reach. I’ve put up with this process, and I have one really good reason.

My scalp.

I live with horrible, daily dandruff. I use dandruff shampoo (and conditioner) 99% of the time. I’ve tried various treatments for dandruff, from moisturizing methods for the skin itself to detox for your scalp via vinegar rinses. Regardless, I constantly deal with some level of dandruff.

Until now.

Even with all these failures, my scalp has stopped producing constant flakes. I can guess why. As someone allergic to many chemical cleaners and some skin care products, it should be no surprise that my scalp reacted to the dozens of chemicals found in normal shampoo and conditioner. I probably had a constant allergic reaction going, albeit a small one.

I’m determined to find a shampoo mix that works, or to find a balance between using castile soap and aloe conditioner (if that works… it’s on the “try it” list). Forget being eco-friendly or saving the environment; I legitimately can claim selfishness as the core reason for continuing on this path toward hippy hair care. The fact it all helps limit or prevent pollution is just an awesome side benefit.

Posted in [business projects], [miscellaneous experiments]

Projects in Motion

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Today has been an organizational day. I’ve been messing with my blog, updating categories and making once-private posts public. As I browsed my various posts, it got me to thinking: sometimes it looks like I never finish a project. My projects are all so long-term and low yield that they just happen over time, without me updating myself or others on what’s been going on.

That said, I wanted to make a list for myself. Think of this as a mile marker on my path in life.

Healthy Eating

The idea: I’ve blogged off and on about vegetarianism and preservatives. I’m a flexitarian for sure, and I’ve experimented too many times to count. I’ve tried vegetarianism, tried to switch to ethical meats once I became aware of a local health food store, gone thirty days drinking only water, started reading labels to avoid preservatives, and wanted to start using herbal remedies and eating organic.

The reality: I’ve made some definite life changes that stuck.

  • I read all labels on my foods, avoiding preservatives as much as possible; this means I’ve given up a lot of favorites (like Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls in a tube), but I feel better about my food choices.
  • I eat organic as much as possible, using the Dirty Dozen list to help me make hard decisions when money’s tight.
  • I mostly drink water, with green smoothies covering breakfast every morning and the occasional soda every couple of weeks.
  • I haven’t switched to ethical meats, because it really is beyond my budget. I try not to waste, and I go for smaller animals (less environmental impact). I’m not willing to go fully vegetarian, because a bean can never replace bacon… but I make small efforts.
  • I’ve been using some herbal remedies. My main example is replacing antibiotic ointment with a homemade salve; I only made the damn salve after a sudden reaction to Neosporin! I’m glad to have made the switch, and I’m looking for practical switches for others hygiene products.
  • I make my own cleaners. I use vinegar for everything, and my homemade laundry soap takes 1-2 tablespoons per load. This was also the result of allergies to cleaning chemicals… I really don’t exist well in the presence of man-made toxins!

All in all, I’m pretty happy with the progress I’ve made.

Spiritual Goals

The idea: I’ve talked about a lot of things on this blog over time. Some of them included vlogging, finding a better focus in shamanism, and finding a comfortable way to walk my path after a long hiatus.

The reality: I’m working on it. I know, it doesn’t seem like it… but I’ve been working with practical issues.

  • I don’t own a decent camera, and the laptop I use has a crappy microphone. I went out and purchased a decent-but-cheap microphone, but I haven’t had time to try out a recording.
  • I have notes for the various starter videos I intend to create, since I’m a rambler without some kind of outline. I’m still trying to decide between organic and structured flow, though. I personally like the idea of just recording a vlog like any other phone-to-YouTube vlogger, but the perfectionist in me wishes I could do all the editing and cool effects of the higher quality vlog channels I watch. I’m working on finding a realistic model for my own videos.
  • I have a family, and we study together each week now, as well as celebrating key days (like the full moon tonight). They help me stay on a focused path and grow as an individual, and I help them find confidence in leading a small group. It’s win/win.
  • I’ve actually compiled (literally translated into “come, get in a pile!”) all of my pagan notes from previous studies and random research tangents. I’m working on the pile slowly, going through and weeding out the good from the bad. I’m rebuilding my binder book of shadows, mostly because it’s the format I like best. At the moment, my original binder is stuffed full of JUNK, including journaling and articles and poetry and BLAH. I’m slowly chipping away at its mass, organizing it into something usable.

As you can see, I’m working on spiritual projects. They just take so much time, and I only have hours here and there to spare for them.

For my writing endeavors, I’m a flop. I’ll be honest; I’m a bit scared. I’m scared to commit to a project like writing a novel or writing a good pagan ebook. Why? Because once I commit, it gets added to The List of Things To Do *key dramatic music*. As long as I refuse to commit, I can work on my writings in bits and pieces without feeling guilty for “doing nothing” for long periods of time. Eventually, I’ll settle down with my muse and focus on my writing in some fashion… however, today is not that day/week/month.

And my mommy goal has been postponed. I had some minor health issues, then some minor family drama, then some financial issues… you get the idea. I’ve decided to postpone my plans until after our lease is up and we move into a cheaper place. That gives me a few months to get as healthy as possible and prepare my mind and body for the change. I’m also re-evaluating my feelings on being a stay-at-home mom vs a working mom; I’m starting to think that I’d be happy to work, but only if one of the boys were willing to stay at home instead. (I’m still very anti-daycare.) We’ll see what happens.

So there we are! I’ve accomplished a TON that I just never think about until I list it like this. Woohoo for lists, right?

Posted in [miscellaneous experiments]

Spring Cleaning All Layers

Posted on by Larissa Lee

Spring Break is just another week away, and I have the week off (paid) to do with as I will. This year, I plan to do some spring cleaning.

Physically, I want to uber-clean my house. There’s dust in places I’ve been too lazy to reach. We need to finally finish going through the garage. I’m going to finish down-sizing my book collection (again) and cataloging what I have to avoid repeat purchases. My kitchen cabinets will get a rummage, as I wipe them down and check all my canned and boxed goods for expiration dates.

Mentally, I want to clear my mind and focus. I have a lot of small projects here and there, but my mind’s a bit like an over-burdened stove; there aren’t enough burners to get everything cooked! I’ve started the process by making a list steps to accomplish my achievable goals in a timely manner.

Emotionally, I want to cleanse myself of worries and doubts. I have personal issues to work through, and a week of work-free time might help me to wade my way through them.

Spirituality, I want to renew and review. My house could use a refreshment of the cleansing and blessing I originally did; there are new people living with me since the first ritual. I’ll continue to mold my personal Greco-Wiccan practice with my dear friend Sarah’s help, hammering out details and plans for seasonal celebration. In review, we’ll be continuing to pick topics for research; as Sarah learns, I review and relearn things I once took for granted. Lastly, my project currently in the works for a pagan vlog is waiting on some equipment and planning work.

That seems like a lot of work to get done in a week, but many aspects overlap. Take the cleaning portion of spring cleaning: I’ll be both cleaning (with a cloth) and cleansing (with blessed water, vinegar, etc.) my spaces, then following that up with a ritual blessing. My mental decluttering and focusing will directly connect to my spiritual renew and review goals.

All in all, I’m looking forward to some down time!