I knew.
You watched me from the shadows,
eyes flashing in the dim light as
I swayed with the music.
You tracked my every move,
a cobra caught in a snake charmer’s thrall,
my pulse hypnotic
even in the cacophony of life all around us.
You followed me out the backdoor
and into the sudden quiet of the alley,
and I had to laugh. Your eyes flew wide
when I turned to face you with a knowing smile.
Like I didn’t recognize a vampire when I saw one.
You were so hungry, I could see it
in the way you quivered as I approached,
your teeth glinting white as a bared my neck to you.
Take it, I begged.
Just take it and make the darkness come.
And you did.
And I was free.
Tag: Published
currently published and available in a book for purchase
the Phoenix [poem]
The first time I burned,
I awoke in the ashes of a boy’s pothead promises
and climbed out of his ashtray a sooty mess,
weak willed and skittish
from his hard hands
and cold heart.
The second time I burned,
I heard my grandfather’s death from an ocean away
and this new man-child laughed
at my loss, my tears, my heartache.
I branded vengeance across his entire life
before soaring out of it.
The third time I burned,
I was ready. The flames consumed me slowly
from head to toe as I set my lover to sail
on a boat to happiness without me,
and I felt only warmth as he smiled
at the new sun beside him.
The next time I burned,
the sharp heat tore through me without warning,
long before my time came due. I awoke
to gasoline fumes on my womb as he struck a match,
his betrayal turning my body into
an unquenchable furnace
and my will to smother the flames
nonexistent. Extinguished.
Just gone.
The last time I burned,
my newly reborn body ached as she,
the sweet honeyed hope on my tongue and
the lie so willfully believed,
she who spoke friend and lover both,
left. The embers beneath me rekindled
into flames at
her silence.
And yet, again, I rose.
I rebirthed myself from the ashes
that others mistook for cremation,
for death and destruction and ending,
and I flared back to life
not to spite them,
the ignition switches and
matchbox strikers and
pyromaniacs
content to watch me burn and
burn and
burn.
I came back
because it is my way.
A phoenix never dies,
we burn and rise.
Books ordered for Hastings (Killeen)
Copies of “Dark-Hearted” are on the way to Hastings as we speak!
We’ve only ordered ten to start off, so I’m not scheduling a book signing just yet. Between coworkers, myself, and friends locally… I’m not sure there will be more than a couple books left for a signing in the first place. We’ll see.
As soon as I finally DO manage to schedule a signing, though, it’ll be exciting!
Depression [poem]
Depression,
a weight on the heart.
felt by so few, yet so many.
a feeling unworthy of a name.
going unnoticed until it’s gone.
the spirit yelling to the mind.
the mind finding bliss in ignorance.
anger and sadness playing a game.
the unbeatable beatable foe.
an enemy often unseen.
it comes when destruction occurs.
it’s gone before the dust settles.
who cares about who cares?
a person’s best worst friend.
be prepared, you’ll meet again.
No Ordinary Sorrow [poem]
The loneliness crept up on me;
I didn’t see it coming,
but once here I couldn’t breathe
unless I wept. The tears,
they hurt, being torn up and thrown out
from deep within my soul.
No ordinary sorrow,
this was death, murder,
and by my own heart as well…
How Dare You? [poem]
How dare you leave me here in this God-forsaken place?
What’s home without a mother?
It’s just an empty space.
How dare you leave me here in this empty, sinking pit?
What’s life living without you?
It’s just a piece of shit.
How dare you leave me here without my only friend?
How can things just move on?
I wish my life could end.
How dare you leave me here, lost in a world so wild?
How could you do this to me?
Inside, I’m still a child.
Mommy?
Come back.
Whole [poem]
I’ve searched so hard
and fought so little
for what I want
to have, to be.
I’ve longed for love
and strived for strength
and found I have
not any.
Love made me weak
and a stubborn fool
I didn’t see that
it was gone.
I knew the truth
but was naive, praying
it was still there
all along.
Goodbye, though,
I say to that lover
who hurt my heart
and soul.
Without him here now
I can only wish
that one day again
I’ll be whole.
Some Days [poem]
Sometimes there are days
when clouds fill the skies
and I scan the cruel world
with tears in my eyes.
Where do I fit?
Where do I belong?
Why am I cast out
for singing my song?
Once I was told
that I’m just too good,
but some days I think
that I’ve misunderstood.
Beautiful [poem]
My eyes sting
and my ears ring,
but I can’t see or hear a thing.
I just wanted to feel beautiful…
My skin’s numb,
and my heart’s a drum,
and I’m praying hard for my end to come.
I just wanted to be beautiful…
Conch [poem]
Dusting time has come.
I remove a seashell from my bookshelf,
wiping dust off its peachy-cream surface.
The exterior is cool and rough to my fingers,
and its beautiful curved figure takes up my entire palm.
Smiling, I press it to my ear and listen
to the echoes of the waves,
of the ocean.
Cleaning her bookcase, my mother handed it to me
on a long, summer day. I’d admired
the glossy sheen inside and
its ghostly voice since the first time I’d held it
in my hands. An ocean breeze tugged
as I’d imagined the world it’d seen. Deep
in the cool Pacific waters the conch watched thousands of
species of fish swim past the reef it’d rested upon.
It had been in a world I’d never enter,
in a place I’d never visit. It saw wonders of creation
that I could never even dream.
Sighing, I placed it back
in its corner of the shelf. The shell sits
untouched, pristine and clean. I hardly ever have time
to hold it anymore; schoolwork keeps me busy on most days.
I still imagine its world on those long, hot
summer days, yet my thoughts always turn away
to more important subjects like Friday’s movie
and my best friend’s birthday party.
Who has time for daydreams?
Need Me? [poem]
sobbing
crying
begging
pleading
I’m lonely
can’t somebody
need me?
Go Ahead [poem]
nowhere to hide
nowhere to go
from eyes cast down
the tears will flow
go ahead, Mommy
shatter my world
who gives a damn?
I’m just a girl
go ahead, Daddy
cart me away
I have no place to go
and no reason to stay
a fish without water
I’ll soon suffocate
by breaking my heart
you’ll earn all my hate
start all these earthquakes
but never forget
you created the cracks
you hold the regret
I Know Myself [poem]
Shattered and alone,
I know myself no home
but a shadow of a lie
as I cry.
Lying torn and used,
I know myself abused
by the love left far behind
in my mind.
Twisted and broken,
my heart’s wounds lay open,
and they close to form a scar
where you are.
Nothing left to say,
lost my hope along the way,
and I know I can’t be helped.
I know myself.
Larissa Lee 