on depression and recovery [poem]

I wonder sometimes
about the way the cold rain makes me smile and
why the smell of old books makes me think of mom and
how I’ll ever find that sweet spot again where
I’m happy and I’m around other people 
at the same time
and
I forget how to breathe 
inhale and
exhale
and breathe 
to stop overthinking and
let the warmth of happiness melt my frozen soul 
make me blossom into life again and
then I can go back to wondering 
about the sound of water in motion and
the way it calls me home.