there’s always some part of me that wants to
make people feel good and
when faced with two choices
will choose the harder option if it results in
more smiles and laughter
there’s always some part of me that wants to
be so much more than who and what I am
but recognizes that this desire is
rooted in a lifetime of being force fed expectations
all I’m left with is confusion
and a small measure of contentment
with this simple life instead
there’s always a part of me that wants to
trust people again
to share everything I am with someone else
but experience says to step back from the edge
and wait
maybe for the right moment
maybe for the right person
or maybe just wait
forever in limbo
there’s always some part of me that wants to
cry when I hear about someone else’s happiness
and there is shame
so much shame and self-loathing in the act of
wishing they were less happy
so my own emptiness would feel less empty
there is always some part of me that wants
Larissa Lee 