on staying when you should go [poem]

the ground buzzes with it
my feet pressured into numbness
by the vibrations and I can’t
do this
anymore
standing here hesitating because
maybe if I stay right here
I’ll be easy to find if you change your mind
or maybe if I stay
right here
I’ll be able to get used to this constant aching
of everything you ever touched
or maybe not
maybe standing here
until I can’t feel my legs anymore is simply
self-harm disguised in a seemingly harmless
delusion