I have been a horrible blogger, but a great writer this year.
Since 2015 started, I’ve managed to write approximately 180,000 words. It all started with a goal of just a thousand words per day. I figured if I could start a real writing habit up, maybe I could get around to writing something worth sharing.
At first, it was a struggle. I’m used to self-filtering before my words tap across the keyboard; so much of my personal journals is left unsaid, because I never wanted to record the embarrassing or negative things with too much detail.
Eventually, I opened up to the honesty I was offering for myself. I promised myself that I could write *any* without guilt, because I would be the only person to see it in its original form.
The floodgates opened, and the words came flowing out of me.
I’ve started two stories, meatier than anything fiction I’ve written in years. One has around 7,000 words to it so far (mostly outline and character descriptions), and the other has around 25,000 words (including character descriptions, an outline, and several scenes so far). I say these stories are both meatier than my previous fiction attempts for a reason. They have depth. Instead of being two-dimentional attempts at a fairytale, these stories and their characters can stood up and made themselves into something. Characters told me who they wanted to be, rather than me filling in all of the blanks myself.
It feels… amazing.
Added to that, about half of the remaining words I’ve written this year are related to my spirituality. I’ve been brutally honest with myself and my thoughts, and I’ve explored deeper into my hopes and future plans than I have in ages. My own journaling has given me the ability to understand myself and voice my needs to my coven and high priestess; it’s helped me to seek out challenges I might’ve ignored before, like offering to teach classes and lead rituals without them filling any special requirements for elevation.
You haven’t really gotten to see any of this. I’ve been hiding in my little writing cave, typing away without any effort to update or share on my blog beyond an occasional “yeah, I’m still alive” post.
I’m working on things, I swear.
Due to health reasons, I never got around to being comfortable on camera and starting a YouTube channel. My skin was (and partly still is) a hot mess and a long story at that. In place of a YouTube channel (or in place of a live-action me, I should say), I’ve been exploring the possibility of doing a podcast. I don’t mind people listening to me; the speaking-for-others part isn’t the issue. This is a newer idea that I’m working on figuring out; right now, it’s a rough draft of a rough draft of an idea.
I’ve also been working on a pagan book. I’ve been using my coven’s beginner-level notes to kind of guide my outline. In the process, I’ve actually been updating the coven notes as well, but that’s a different project all together. In approaching the topics (like energywork, divination, and tools) from a teaching standpoint instead of as just a student, I’m seeing what I like and what I would change more clearly. As an initiate, I’ve considered making these notes (once updated) into my outline for a book… and then making that a personal challenge to complete. We’re all about pushing ourselves and growing into our potentials, and this feels like the right direction.
Through everything, I’m still working fulltime and trying to manage a household of adults (like herding cats AND dogs together). I’m also working on plans for moving up north to Washington state next spring. It takes a lot of planning these days to fling yourself so far from your current home; you can’t expect to just pop up, find a job and an apartment in a week or two, and get to living. Unfortunately, there are fewer jobs, a higher cost of living, and very little support if you fail to plan ahead. Good thing I’m a planner, huh!
I appreciate anyone who’s bothered to stick around and read my occasional posts. Sometimes the internet is a giant void and my words just a whisper, but it’s nice to know someone hears me time and again.
Until next time, keep breathing.
Larissa Lee 