Posted in [witchcraft & wonder]

the Future

Today (rather, this whole past week or so) has been a close study of my personal issues with planning for the future. See, you can make all sorts of plans for what you want in your future…

…but the only variable you have control over it yourself. All those other people involved, from your closest friends and family to the strangers you meet along the way…

…they all have the potential to ruin even the best-laid plans. It’s a heavy weight sometimes, making plans. I can think of things I’d like to have, or do, or be…

…but they require someone else’s cooperation. I’m not sure of myself most of the time, no matter what front I display to the world. It’s hard to get the gumption to actually make an offer, or to ask for assistance that I can never repay. And the wait for a decision, a yes or no to my request, is excruciating.

Then there’s the handful of times I find myself standing on someone else’s path, on their way from point A to point B. The way is clear to both of us, but for some reason my opinion matters. I become an accidental fork-in-the-road, unwittingly transforming into a reason to do (or not do) something. It’s terrifying, to find yourself in that kind of position…

…to know that, for one small moment, you have more influence on that person’s life than they do. Or at least an equal amount of influence.

I’ve found myself facing a lot of uncomfortable thoughts these days. Keep in mind that “uncomfortable” doesn’t necessarily equate with “bad”…

…they’re simply things I would rather avoid, or plans I can’t imagine working out smoothly. Human nature, and our interconnected lives, prevent anything from occurring in the “most logical” way. Call it cowardice, but I’d much rather live in the moment…

…than speak of my hopes and dreams for the future. In the moment, I can make decisions as though riding though rapids, steering myself around boulders and over rough waters as they come.

For now, I think that’s what I need. Tomorrow will just have to wait and see.


bookdragon, poet, witch

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